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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DP to sort out the house when its my turn to have a lie in?

30 replies

Lact8 · 11/03/2007 08:43

Well am I??

DP and I bagsy who will have lie in on a Saturday morning and then it's the other one's turn on the Sunday.

I had mine yesterday. DS2 came and woke me at 9, (DP sends him up and then pretends he made his own way there )

When I came down all of the breakfast stuff is still out. DD nappy swinging low between her knees and DP lying on sofa reading his book while they happily get every toy in the house out.

Grrr

Toys I can cope with but the welded on dried out weetabix on the bowls is too much surely??

OP posts:
Nockney · 11/03/2007 08:45

I think it's reasonable to expect him to do something.

But then, DH wanted me to have a lie in this morning (presumably so I'll do the same for him another morning?). I couldn't manage it, and got up, to find him tidying the living room. It now actually doesn't look like it's been filled with rampaging rubbish-collecting trolls for a week.

(He didn't feed DS1 though. So no dishes to sort.)

WideWebWitch · 11/03/2007 08:46

I think you are. Sometimes dh tidies up when he's up, sometimes he doesn't, I don't mind which really as long as I've had a lie in. I usually unload the dishwasher as the kettle's boiling for my coffee but that's my routine and not his, which is ok.

As long as it's not YOUR job (in our house it's both of our jobs or the cleaners, certainly not my domain or anything)

mykidsareincharge · 11/03/2007 08:49

co glad I am not alone!! just come downstairs from my 'lie in' to find utter chaos again - have decided to go on strike and sit in pj's on mumsnet instead of doing anything.... (bet I last about 5 minutes)

Original poster
Lact8 · 11/03/2007 08:50

LOL Nockney at the trolls, they must travel because they definately seem to spend time here too!

He will tidy up in general. Just not the breakfast dishes. Ever.

And it's the welded on cereal that does my tree in

OP posts:
scatterbrain · 11/03/2007 08:51

I'd be so grateful to have had a bloody lie in !! I have only been in bed past 7am about twice in 6 yrs and that was because I was ill !!

DH doesn not ALLOW lie ins and if I have the cheek to TAKE one he will sulk all day ! Of course he would deny this strenuously - but actions speak louder than words !

deepinlaundry · 11/03/2007 08:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lact8 · 11/03/2007 08:55

I think that's it deepinlaundry. it sometimes feels that I still have the same amount of stuff to do just in less time.

OP posts:
bobsyouruncle · 11/03/2007 09:08

When its my lie in - and thats only until 9am! - I usually come downstairs to find dc's still in pj's waiting for me to make breakfast and watching cbeebies! This morning its dh's lie in & dc are fed, dressed, dishwasher is emptied & restacked and the washing is on.

MorocconOil · 11/03/2007 09:12

I think it is reasonable to expect him to tidy up. When I come down from my lie-in which is hardly ever past 8.30, DH will be lying on the sofa under one of the boys duvets, which they will have brought down for him. (It really bugs me that I am always the one to take the duvet back upstairs). None of the children will have had a proper breakfast. There will be toys, papers, pens, books, half-eaten pieces of fruit, vegetables taken from the rack all strewn about the floor. It just makes me feel narked with him, so I start stomping around clearing up, then I look really ungracious as he let me have the lie-in!!!

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:19

Er, he let you have a lie in until 8:30? Are you his domestic maid then? You are as entilted to a lie in as he is, surely?

You don't look ungracious, and I doubt he cares if you stomp around while you clear up the shitpit he has left you - reason being, you are doing it, and he isn't. Men are immune to that sort of guilt. They don't do dtuff they don't want to do, so therefore they think if you are doing something, you are happy to.

unless you tell him you expect him not to allow this mess making, and that you expect the children washed, brushed, dressed, and breakfasted, and no bedding downstairs, he will do this forever. And then so will your kids.

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:22

To solve "He wanted to come and see you" when they send the kid up to get you up

you say "Do not allow the children to come upstairs and wake me up, or I will do it to you, an hour earlier. It's not acceptable that you allow this, please don't.!"

PippiLangstrump · 11/03/2007 09:27

well said colditz!

(I am the one guilty of sending DD to say 'goodmorning daddy' when I had enough and want to sit with the papers...)

MorocconOil · 11/03/2007 09:31

Colditz, I think he knows I don't like clearing up as I tell him enough. It doesn't seem to make much difference when I ask him to clear up. He hates being told what to do and just goes silent and grumpy. Anymore suggestions?

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:35

Get dressed and washed the minute you get up

Go downstairs

If a tip, get you coat and say

"I have my mobile. When you have put the house back in the order I left it, ring me and I will come back. See you later"

And if he rings to say he has done it, and hasn't, go out again.

If he is stroppy all day, go out and leave him to it, or just ignore it. he's doing it for effect, if there isn't an effect, he won't bother.

margo1974 · 11/03/2007 09:36

this kind of thread always does the rounds on a sunday!

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:37

LOL yes it does!

deepinlaundry · 11/03/2007 09:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:41

If he doesn't pull his weight first thing, then in the long run he is stuck on his own with two hungry, dirty, bored, and therefore whiney kids. He will start to do it.

MorocconOil · 11/03/2007 09:42

Wow, sounds good. I wish I could try it out sraightaway. I am going to have to wait until next sunday as he is away next friday.

shouldbedoingsomethingelse · 11/03/2007 09:42

if i ever have a lie in (very rare) my DH wont get up as he doesnt want to sort our kids out! he is happy for them to sit infront of tv until he is ready to brave them which, of course means I get up to sort them and he gets a longer lie in!

LOL

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:46

I only did this once, when I was at the end of my tether

But I was pleasantly surprised that it worked immediately as he rang me an hour later to say he had done it - and he had.

But then, don't mention it again. Don't carp, or try to explain. You don't need to explain a demand for fair treatment.

MorocconOil · 11/03/2007 09:46

Wow, sounds good. I wish I could try it out straightaway. I am going to have to wait until next sunday as he is away next friday.

colditz · 11/03/2007 09:48

But shouldbe, why would he get up when he knows you will? he's being a selfish twat, I can't believe you put up with it.

Elf · 11/03/2007 09:51

I like your assertiveness Colditz but I would recommend a joint chat starting with - Could we talk about the lie-in situation as I don't know about you, but it is not an enjoyable experience for me and I feel it should be. How is it for you? Then hopefully you can AGREE terms together and if he feels unpushed into agreeing something that is obviously fair because it is the same for both of you then surely your chances of success are greater? Talk, discuss, do not dictate. If he's agreed to get them dressed and fed (properly!) etc then hopefully he will. If that doesn't work, he's a wanker

colditz · 11/03/2007 10:01

I had assumed that her dp being a full grown adult, it would be obvious that leaving her to do everything is lazy and unfair.

But had also assumed this would have been discussed before, as no point simmering over something that has never been mentioned.

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