My friend is using me isn't she?

[Booboostwo]

I have a friend I met when we were both pregnant and our DCs were born 10 days apart. She works long hours so we don't see each other as often as we could but when we meet we have fun and DCs have fun.

She has an odd way of getting in touch...she always says "Haven't seen you in ages, shall we pop by tomorrow?". That is OKish but overtime she always comes here and we are rarely, if ever, invited to hers. She also comes empty handed during lunch/diner time, so effectively inviting herself over for lunch/dinner.

A couple of times she has been even weirder. She has come with her DC and while they are here, without any prior arrangement, she asks if she can leave her DC with me to go do part of her job (it's out of hours but she does favors for mates, I can't really say more without giving too many details away). So today she came, when we were about to sit down to dinner she said she was not hungry but could we have DC because she has a quick job to do, then was gone for 40 minutes.

That is rude isn't it? She's just using me for childcare isn't she?

Yes, she is using you. I think that's why you're getting these last minute calls, because it's only when she needs someone that she's calling on you.

Yup.

And yup.

In that order.

Yes she's using you.

In future just say, "oh I'd planned to go to the park so we can meet there" or something along those lines.

If she asks for you to have her DC while she pops out say, "oh gosh you've just reminded me I've got a dentist appointment, I'll have to rush off sorry"

Failing this don't forget that "No" is a complete sentence.

Yes it is rude. Friendship should go two ways. Next time she tries to dump on you, say sorry, I can't, I have to.... Don't be so available for drop ins either. If she arrives at tea time say that it's not a good time and don't let her in.

Yep.

And even if she's not, she obviously makes you feel like shit so what's the point?

I'd be busy for the foreseeable.

Next time she comes round say "oh Im so glad you came I just need to pop out run a quick errand. Watch the kids for me"

And just eff off for an hour.

How rude! I'd feel less put upon if someone just came out and asked!

It does sound a lot like you're bound used I'm afraid!

She does favours for mates? I'm guessing she is a dealer or a sex worker OP? Not that it makes much difference, whatever she does she's taking advantage of your good nature.

don't play games or be passive aggressive.

are you coming to visit me or planning on asking me to have your kids again?

is straight to the point and she can't squirm her way out.

I wish I had the guts to follow NapQueens suggestion!

She's not s sex worker! She's a professional and if she did these jobs during 'office hours' she'd need to charge on behalf of her boss. This way it's a free favour for a mate.

Hnh... is there possibly anything else going on in the background? Yes, I think she's using you, but I guess I'd wonder why. Is there a possible issue with drugs, or domestic violence, or anything like that?

I might be seeing shadows where non lurk but are you comfortable that this is just straightforward jackassery on her part and not some desperate attempt to keep her DD away from something more sinister?

She is using you. Do not answer her number, if she turns up at the door. Keep her on the doorstep and say 'sorry it's not a good time. I'll call later'

She's a user. Next time she asks tell her you're pretty tired of always hosting her and her kids and providing childcare, and it's time she was a proper friend and asked you over to hers. Then report back.

Yup..I've been there..older and wiser today. Block her number , it sucks how selfish some mums are to other mums

Haa i thought sex worker too

Gawd I just thought mobile hairdresser. I have no imagination.

probably, but there's no need to lie down and let her walk all over you. Why don't you respond with "yeah i'd love to catch up, but I'm busy tomorrow. How about we come to you next Tues?" Or ask her to bring bread and soup for you all?

A couple of favours on childcare are fair enough, any more and she's taking the mick. Try asking her to babysit of an evening, or whatever other favour would suit you. Her reaction will tell you a lot, she might even surprise you.

Is she having an affair?

Yep

And you're not going to say yes next time she asks are you?

If you like her andvthe kids get on what's the problem?

Well, do you enjoy her company and is inviting her to eat and looking after her child a major inconvenience?

If she helps mates for free, she is not a standard user.

You've answered your own question! What you do about is the thing!

Might I suggest:

Her: "Haven't seen you in ages, shall we pop by tomorrow?".
You: I'd rather come see you.
or, You: We'll be out, could meet you at the playpark at x o'clock?
or, You:I have bugger all interest in meeting you, bitch.

Her: Can I leave my children here while I go and do
You: No you fucking can't. I am not your unpaid childcare you effing user, take your scabby weans and get out of my house you parasite!

I'm sure you get my drift.

She doesnt invite her to eat she invites herself!

Plus leaving your kid when someone has just sat down for a family meal so you can go do stuff is bloody inconsiderate.

Once in a while is fine but the only time she wants to see op is when she wants something.

She is using her for free childcare and meals!

Tell her next time op that you are busy, and arrange to meet anywhere except your house, see how keen she is then. And do not let her abandon her kid to you in the park or anywhere else, just say no not today I have plans.