It's a kid's party one!

[HaveCourageAndBeKind]

In the interest of anonymity this might seem vague.

DS is having a party, he has 10 or so guests including his younger brother. One of the party guests is singling DS2 out and being quite cruel - winding up, calling names etc.

WIBU to say this to child's mother or should I just leave it? Suffice to say there will not be the sleepover DS keeps asking for and I'll discourage invites to this child again. This is, of course, DS's 'best' friend.

Are you pulling him up on it?

Is he jealous of ds2?

Are your boys close?

My sister's boys are close but when my brother's son visits WW3 breaks out as he pushes nephew ones buttons!

Just tell the friend to pack it in , and if he doesn't then get his mother to come and collect early ( having warned him that this is what you will be doing)

Did you tell him off? Did he stop it?

Tell him if he doesn't behave it'll be hometime. Even when his mother comes to get him tell her about his behaviour anyway and say he needs to be nicer when he comes to play. At the end of the day he's a guest and needs to be respectful no matter his age. My son and his best friend are two and three (mine is the younger) and his friend is often quite stroppy if other people play with dc so it might be jealousy. I've had words though and he's not as bad recently. Kids just need telling straight in my experience. Don't put up with him being mean to the little one though.

Is the party going on now? Eeek! Yes, say something, but pull him aside and do it quietly. Just warn him that even though it's a party he needs to be kind to everyone and follow up with "if you can't do that, I'll have to phone your mum to come and get you early".

What a shame!

Hope the rest of it goes well. x

Yes still going on and I've told them they need to be kind/nice but they're very rowdy. They're not being unkind now though. We definitely will not be inviting ringleader child again and I'll mention to mum. I'm just not sure how hard you should/can be with kids that aren't your own. They're 8-9 for context, and DS2 is 5. DS1 is not joining in with the ridiculousness but he isn't challenging it either!

You have to escalate.

1. Intervene, distract and redirect.
2. Tell them not to, distract and redirect.
3. Tell them not to, warn them there will be consequences.
4. Tell the mother
5. Banish them.

It's not down to DS1 to sort it. You're the supervising adult, you need to tell him to behave himself and leave DS2 alone.

Tell him to stop it or he's going home.

Your children have to see you will stick up for them, it is so important from a psychological point of view (for your children to see I mean).
Be firm and fair and follow through. Call a parent if needs be, it is awkward and horrible, but it's half and hour, your child needs you to do this.

Tell him that if he does it once more then you'll phone his Mum to collect him. Your both your DS need to see you sticking up for them.

And if he does do it again, you absolutely must phone his Mum and carry through your consequence.

So the unkindness to your ds2 has stopped? If it's only rowdiness, I'm afraid that's 8 and 9 year old boys for you. I was always amazed at how badly some boys who came from perfectly decent well mannered families could behave. Sometimes you have to grit your teeth but if somebody is likely to get hurt physically or emotionally, you can say they'll have to leave early if it continues.

Not DS1's problem.

Keep on at him to leave DS2 alone, separate them. Either threaten to call his mum and follow through if needed, or don't mention it on collection. Don't let it continue and then mention it after the fact.

I think 7/8 is an age when boys do get a bit rowdy and wild. Just from my experience working with kids of different ages and my own kids. Last time we had a big group over, I ended up turfing them all out to a nearby park with a football. I felt a bit bad as they all went home covered in mud but sometimes they really need an outlet for all that energy. Definitely ok to tell them off. No point in just telling mum at pick-up as she can't do anything if she's not there.

On the other hand Nightwanderer if it were my ds behaving badly, I'd appreciate being told.

Rowdy isn't a problem, that's just 10+ boys in a room for you I don't mind about that. DH did have a sterner word and he did stop. He's gone home now but I didn't say anything to mum as he'd packed it in by then so didn't seem to be any point. I'm never doing parties again!

I bet you're glad that's over.

goes well with a slice of

It would have been better i fyou had said "Gerald must have been a bit overtired". He kept...etc etc" Then the mother would know what he had done and why he will not be invited again.