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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid these women forevermore

27 replies

LittlePurpleDot · 07/04/2017 13:26

Urghh moved to a new development with great optimism that we might make some nice new friends.
We know lots of other people in the area anyway but i love meeting new people so was friendly with everyone when moving in.
There has quite quickly been a kind of 'wine night' set up every couple weeks.
Everyone seemed ok but quite showy about finances we as a family aren't rich and we have the smallest house type on the development but I'm happy it's ok for now while I'm a sahm. Anyway there's been a lots of posturing those initial meetings comments like when I was training I had to survive on £45k a year who can live like that?! Not outright nasty comments to me initially but quite thoughtless.
Anyway to be Social I went along again- I feel like there were a few comments about money, being a bit frosty one in particular (out of 3) seemed to needle me on a couple of things if I didn't agree with their opinions (very minor things!) but kept pulling me up on those things in front of the others - eye rolls etc.
I'm not a sensitive soul and can hold my own but good god hard work!
I just don't think they are my cup of tea but there's about to be more people moving onto the development soon though and I don't want to cut myself off completely but honestly I just don't want to be involved with these women should I avoid their ladies nights without a word now?

OP posts:
SheSaidHeSaid · 07/04/2017 13:29

2 weekly wine nights. I like wine but that sounds like hard work!

What a shame they can't see that it isn't money that makes you rich either.

Anyway, if I were you I'd avoid them as well, I'd rather socialise with my own friends on a fortnightly basis than them.

ChasedByBees · 07/04/2017 13:29

I probably would. Were there people you did like there? Ask them for a coffee on a one-on-one basis.

BastardGoDarkly · 07/04/2017 13:30

Nah, swerve them. Hopefully the new folk will too, and you can be friends with them.

ClopySow · 07/04/2017 13:34

On the other hand, you don't want to cut yourself off from other really cool people by associating with these women.

upperlimit · 07/04/2017 13:37

Oh I don't know, your big rookie mistake was being super friendly in the first place. I think you are going to have to back out slowly so not to offend everyone and becoming that person who everyone bonds over because they all bitch about you.

Original poster
LittlePurpleDot · 07/04/2017 13:38

I'm already that upper!

OP posts:
upperlimit · 07/04/2017 13:41

Well in that case, just drop the lot of them and keep it superficially friendly. They all sound insufferably smug and boring in any case, it's no great loss.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 07/04/2017 13:47

You have no common interests except where you live. They sound shallow. I'd just be glad you know so quickly that they're not your type of people, and stop perusing the friendship.

It's a shame for them that they're trying to bond by looking down on you, when it's them who are to be pitied.

hamandmustard · 07/04/2017 13:49

What wine do they drink?

LordScuttlebutt · 07/04/2017 14:04

Do you all take it in turns to host these evenings?

I wouldn't bother too much with them.

Just go round if you fancy guzzling up their wine on occasion.

gillybeanz · 07/04/2017 14:19

A woman has started trying to organise get togethers on our street.
I am lucky to work at nights so have a good excuse.
I couldn't be doing with socialising when all you have in common is a post code.

VioletPeggs · 07/04/2017 14:23

What opinions did you disagree over?

Original poster
LittlePurpleDot · 07/04/2017 14:28

Sorry catching up...
Really daft things Violet Whether we liked the integrated applicances 🤔 Earth shattering stuff 😂

OP posts:
needmymouthsewnup · 07/04/2017 14:28

Without meaning to sound harsh, is it perhaps that you are noticing these comments and assigning them to you because you feel insecure about the financial differences between you and these people? Not suggesting for a minute that you should feel this way, obviously, but if you are going in there with the attitude 'we have the smallest house on the estate' and are expecting the others to all be better off, you're more likely to pick up on any comments and assume they're digs, whereas these people may just be the kind to overshare their financial situation.

In fact, the country I live in at the moment is very showy with wealth, inasmuch as people have big houses, big cars but are mortgaged up to the hilt and everything is put on credit cards. But it's all about perception and looking rich. So chances are these people aren't as well off as they like to pretend.

Anyway, I wouldn't burn your bridges yet, you may find other people who move in who are more your sort of people.

Original poster
LittlePurpleDot · 07/04/2017 14:32

mouth I thought that might be the case too the first couple of times but there were pointed comments to me besides the financial showiness but agree this could be making me more sensitive overall to a degree

OP posts:
Giddyaunt18 · 07/04/2017 14:32

They sound very shallow. Swerve!

Serialweightwatcher · 07/04/2017 14:34

I'd love to have the problem of living on £45K or even half a year!! Can you not stick it out for now and ignore the stupid bitchy comments until the newcomers arrive? Just think if you stop it now you may get pushed out if they invite the new ones in to this wine thing and then they will have the opportunity of slating you before you get your foot in the door with the new, hopefully decent, people

Teddy1970 · 07/04/2017 14:34

Was it like being in a scene from Harry Enfield "I've got considerably more money than yaou" by any chance?

popcornpaws · 07/04/2017 14:39

My ex SIL lived in a new development like this!

It was the weirdest thing, they all arranged loads of things socially, parties, coffee, bbq's popping into each others houses when actually they all disliked each other!

My sister and i used to get a right laugh at the dramas she told us about, all to do with oneupmanship btw!
They were always falling out with each other over some bullshit.

If i was you i would remain friendly towards everyone but would not be involved in the wine nights, they sound shite and just because you have neighbours does not mean you have to go on nights out with them!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 07/04/2017 15:05

Lots of people will be thinking the show off is a dick but keeping their head down just to rub along. I would give it a few more tries and probably the show offs will calm down a bit and stop acting so insecure.

Having said that, I was a SAHM for many years and some people seem to get incredibly offended by it. Just remember it is their problem.

user1491572121 · 07/04/2017 15:12

It all sounds oddly 1970s! I'm imagining you all like The Good Life...

PollytheDolly · 07/04/2017 15:28

What wine do they drink?

Lambrusco

PollytheDolly · 07/04/2017 15:29

I don't socialise with any of my neighbours. Keep it simple Grin

MooPointCowsOpinion · 07/04/2017 15:35

I would give it a few more tries and probably the show offs will calm down a bit and stop acting so insecure.
This has just reminded me! When I first joined a mum and baby group I felt the same as you did OP, they were all posturing from a place of insecurity and looking back I was so worried they wouldn't like me I joined in too. I got sick of it and started to behave more honestly and real, more like me, and I felt like there was a collective sigh of relief and everyone did the same.

We are best friends now. We swear, moan about our kids, get drunk together, encourage weird tv star obsessions. It's great. But we were all dicks to begin with, awkward social situation brought it out in all of us.

GeorgeTheHamster · 07/04/2017 15:54

I'd give it more time. It's nice to know your neighbours.