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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find friend texting while chatting rude?

28 replies

Jng1 · 29/03/2017 10:11

Have a friend - both with kids at same school. Mostly get on fine, but I find the way she prioritises her phone over everything/everyone else so rude!
So, we'll be in a cafe having coffee and catching up and her phone will always be face up on the table. If I'm chatting to her and she's gets a text she'll immediately check it and start replying. I've now started pausing whatever I was saying and waiting for her to finish, but sometimes she just looks up and says 'go on, I'm listening' when she clearly isn't!
She even interrupts her own conversation to answer texts.
I've asked 'has something urgent come up?' But it never is - no, it's just her mum, or her sister, or partner asking something.
Why do people do this? It's so rude.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 29/03/2017 10:14

YANBU. It is rude. I have a friend who does the same.

RicketyCricket · 29/03/2017 10:17

YANBU.

I lost a crap friend for calling her out for doing this persistently. She would come over for dinner and drinks and her phone would literally never leave her hand. It gives the clear message that the company of whoever they are texting is more important than the company they're actually in. Really really fucking rude.

OrdinalViolet · 29/03/2017 10:17

YANBU in principle, however in practice the addiction that we have to our screens is making this behavior (which is technically rude) normal. So you are going a bit against the grain when you find offense in it since the practice is so wide spread. FWIW I agree with your sentiments, but we are in the minority.

Original poster
Jng1 · 29/03/2017 10:23

I do wonder if I should say something though. Just because something has become a habit or normal doesn't mean it's good or acceptable. She's been complaining recently of problems with her work colleagues and if she does this to them too, then I can see why they are being unhelpful.

OP posts:
Rainydayspending · 29/03/2017 10:27

It's not just rude. She's not interested in you. She's not a friend. Clearly focused on other people. Just end visits etc with "I can see you're very busy right now, another time". And go.

jelliebelly · 29/03/2017 10:29

YANBU and she isn't much of a friend

user1489179512 · 29/03/2017 10:30

How rude and ignorant she is. Stop talking while she does this and see how she likes that.

HateSummer · 29/03/2017 10:31

Yanbu! A real friend would put the phone away and focus on you. I know someone who does this and I hate it. Last time this person came to my house she asked for my wifi password and I told her I don't know what it is so she couldn't use the Internet. I noticed She couldn't wait to leave.

user1489179512 · 29/03/2017 10:32

Sorry. I see you do this.

TWOBANANAS · 29/03/2017 10:34

I have an ex friend who did this ALL the time. It used to make me want to just say to her 'why don't I go elsewhere and text you and maybe you might notice what I'm saying'.

People who have their phones out at a table/lunch etc. and who prioritise it over the people they're with are rude. Fact.

Funnyonion17 · 29/03/2017 10:36

Yanbu. I have a friend that does this and she also randomly answers her phone and has convos mid convo with me. It's never anything important either or i wouldn't bat an eyelid, it's always general chitchat.

Deedee3311 · 29/03/2017 10:38

As others say, it's just rude. But I can bet money that she does this with all of her friends and not just you. Still annoying though.

I had this with one of my friends, who I am still good friends with now. She was glued to her phone, taking selfies etc it did my head in and resembled a teenager. I said to her outright, you are obsessed with your phone aren't you. I then made in direct comments on separate occasions about how people can't enjoy other people's company nowadays which is sad and all they do is whatsap, Facebook and take selfies. It soon died down and she doesn't use her phone half as much now when we meet. She did this with eveyone!

floraeasy · 29/03/2017 10:57

Your friend really has got it bad, hasn't she?

I'd stop seeing her for a while - back right off.

If she looks up from her phone long enough to notice she isn't seeing much of her friends these days and asks why, you can tell her.

If she doesn't even notice your absence, then it's time to make friends who actually want to be with YOU.

WorkAccount · 29/03/2017 11:03

thre used to be an old BT advert where the woman was in the shop stood at the counter trying to order from the sale, the assistant kept answering the phone, so I am sure she went home and phoned the order in. can't find it now, just the ology

Absintheshots · 29/03/2017 11:07

grab a magazine and start reading it to see how she reacts then. Maybe she won't even notice.

LumelaMme · 29/03/2017 11:10

YANBU. This sort of thing does my head in. Recently I met up with a friend for the first time in ages and she ended up having a long text conversation with her son, who was fretting about his uni course. Nothing was time critical, she could have put him off for an hour or so, by which time she'd have been on the train home.

I never know how to express my disgruntlement in these situations without sounding like a self-important tit. Maybe I AM a self-important tit... but I wouldn't do it to anyone else.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 29/03/2017 11:11

Very rude of her.

PinkFlamingo545 · 29/03/2017 11:15

I cba with people like that. I know someone who behaves like the phone is the centre of her universe. Its kinda sad. FWIW she is the most boring mo fo I know. She not only answers texts but sits scrolling facebook mid conversation

People are missing out on real life whilst having their head stuck in phones

ClaudiaApfelstrudel · 29/03/2017 11:17

YANBU I detest it when people do this, I think she's being extremely self-centred. Why did she even bother to go for a drink with you if she clearly has more important things to be doing, like staring at her telephone.

Doyouwantabrew · 29/03/2017 11:17

Yes it's rude. Unless it's an emergency it's rude

floraeasy · 29/03/2017 11:19

Maybe I AM a self-important tit... but I wouldn't do it to anyone else

Not at all. SHE'S the self-important tit. Got a friend who has spent time and money to come and see her and is sitting right in front of her and yet her social media is more important?

Original poster
Jng1 · 29/03/2017 11:28

Good. Glad it's not just me then. She is a bit younger than me and I wondered if it had become universally acceptable to do this, but I'd missed the memo! Grin
I will not tolerate this with my kids and if I have to have my phone out with friends because e.g. child is texting me about pick up time etc then I'll explain up front.
If I get a text mid-chat I always wait for a break in the conversation to check and if it was absolutely urgent then I'd say 'sorry, I just have to reply to this text as it's....'

OP posts:
ijustwannadance · 29/03/2017 11:32

I have a friend like this. She constantly needs to be texting someone. Anyone.

I also find it quite sad when you see couples in restaurants both sat there with their phones on table, face up, tapping away right through their meals. Ffs put it away/on silent for one bloody hour!

Illtellyouwhatswhat10 · 29/03/2017 11:45

No it's not just you!

Two years ago we had a couple around that we'd try to link up with for ages. She had just started a s/emp business and said on arrival - "my partner had an important meeting today so she may need to give me an update". She was on the bl88dy phone all night, even had it in her right hand as she was eating with fork in her left hand.

We were flabbergasted - too flabbergasted to deal with it there and then. Her husband was completely spineless too, and looked around a bit sheepishly / helplessly (my DH reckons he is hen-pecked!)

As you can imagine we won't invite them again. And now, if we feel the situ may reoccur, we ask people to put their phones away when at the table (unless exceptional circumstances of course).

As you can imagine it felt really shitty. I and DH had spent ages making home nice and preparing a lovely dinner and were really looking forward to a catch up chat. My only regret was I wish we had challenged her on it but as I said earlier, I think we were both too much in shock to react!

KoalaDownUnder · 29/03/2017 11:55

I don't understand how people can not see how rude they're being when they do this.

It's basically telling someone that they're less important than someone else who is not even physically there. Confused Its just so...dismissive.

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