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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How long does your SO spend in the gym?

17 replies

AngelaKardashian · 28/03/2017 20:27

DH spends two hours a day at the gym. Every day bar Sunday.

I'm on maternity leave at the moment with a four month old baby so I'm knackered and don't know whether my rage is because of that or because he actually is being really selfish.

I do all of the night feeds as DH has to operate heavy machinery for long hours at a time for work, so needs to get a good night's sleep - fine. He works long hours (which I'm not complaining about), comes home, watches something on the telly or iPad and then goes to the gym for two hours.

When he is here he usually pulls his weight, but I feel like those occasions are becoming few and far between. AIBU to be fucking fed up? I mean, I'm all for him having a hobby but two hours every day after being at work all day seems excessive to me.

OP posts:

Frillyhorseyknickers · 28/03/2017 20:29

If it's annoying you then it's unreasonable - especially with a four month old.

It's great to have a hobby and they are time consuming (I have six horses at home so my hobby takes more like 3-4 hours a day at times!!) but you both need to be happy with the time you're investing in it.

Have you spoken to him about it?

GooseFriend · 28/03/2017 20:30

So when's he actually home pulling his weight? 8 hours sleep, 12 hour shift and 2 hours at the gym only leaves 2 hours a day doesn't it mon-fri? He's a Dad now, he should be reassessing his priorities and actually pulling his weight.

DrDreReturns · 28/03/2017 20:30

My SO spends about two hours a day in the gym. But she is a SAHM and does it while the kids are at school. In your situation I think your partner is being unreasonable.

Liara · 28/03/2017 20:36

The problem is that a job operating heavy machinery is likely to put strains on the body that may need to be compensated for with a significant training regime, and cutting back too much could lead to injury or long term damage.

Dh does physical labour and works out for probably about 2 hours a day, but he does it from home so can do some things between sets/simultaneously with stretching, etc. Our dc are older now so they can more easily interact with us while we are doing things. It does take ages, though.

I also do physical labour although not as heavy as dh's, and if I don't get a minimum of half an hour's stretching time a day I do tend to get injuries.

arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2017 20:44

Would you like to go to the gym/somewhere else too? Leisure time should be equal. I think your dh needs to realise life changes when you have dc. You have to share time off now.

Twentyten2010 · 28/03/2017 20:47

'Heavy' being the operative word here. Does he need to be physically fit to operate the machinery, as a PP has suggested? Or is it jus the machinery that's heavy ? (And, like, operated by a button etc...)

Has he always spent this amount of time in the gym? Was this ever discussed pre having the baby?

In essence, YNBU to be pissed off especially as you're at home providing the bulk of the childcare whilst his life hasn't really changed. I have an eight week old and I'd love two hours off every night but life has changed. I'm sure my DH would like two hours off too but wouldn't do that to me or his son.

Liara · 28/03/2017 20:51

Twentyten, even heavy machinery that is operated by a button (eg. a large digger) will often vibrate and put a strain on the body. It is actually worse if it is something like that, where you are sitting all day but in a straining environment.

After just 5 hours on a digger, I needed a lot of exercise to loosen up my body. And still slept badly at the end of it.

Meekonsandwich · 28/03/2017 20:55

He can't have a baby and not expect it to change his life and priorities.

Besides if he's spending two hours in the gym he's doing it wrong xD

Tell him to look into insanity and p90x and interval training. Quick and brilliant results.

XiCi · 28/03/2017 20:59

No you are not unreasonable to be fucking fed up. I think there's alot of men out there that don't expect their lives to change one single bit when they have children. If you need more help, tell him. Is there anything you are interested in that you could do at least an evening a week to give you a break? If he's working long hours, coming home to watch something on the ipad then out to the gym for 2 hrs a night you must never see him!

Original poster

AngelaKardashian · 28/03/2017 21:12

He has always been a gym-goer and this hasn't changed since having the baby. I don't have many hobbies or get much "me time". I like poetry and attend events now and then, but those are only a couple of hours every month or couple of months so it doesn't really feel like there's a balance. I know it's not his fault that my interests don't take up as much time as his, but it just feels unfair.

I have just spoken to him about it (after phoning him telling him to come home from the gym so we can talk! I admit, the anger got the better of me) and he has said that he'll cut the time down. We'll see how it goes.

OP posts:

Emboo19 · 28/03/2017 21:24

My boyfriend goes about 3 times a week, generally for around a hour. He goes after he's done dd's (almost 6 months) bath and bed time though, could your DH, do that?
My boyfriend plays in a band and football

Does your DH do night feeds on a weekend so you get extra sleep? My boyfriends job is physical and requires concentration, he's still helped out at night times though, I'm breastfeeding and sometimes it's been a case of him staying awake just so I don't fall asleep holding dd!

Emboo19 · 28/03/2017 21:26

Door that posted while I was adding something..... my boyfriend plays in and band and five aside football too. He's flexible with both though and if he can't make it because I'm doing something he doesn't or if he's not seen much of me and dd he'll miss these.

Emboo19 · 28/03/2017 21:27

Sorry not door!! Typing while breastfeeding!!!

SparklesandBangs · 28/03/2017 21:28

DH spends 2 hours excercising most days BUT our DC are grown up, when they were small neither of us exercised, then when circumstances allowed we started again sharing the time.

BeachyKeen · 28/03/2017 21:30

A few hours a day, but that's because he is paid to. He is in the Navy, so has to keep fit.
Most of the time he can squeeze it in during work hours, other times it is on his own time.
I spend hundreds of hours on the beach, so I'm not one to talk

Original poster

AngelaKardashian · 28/03/2017 22:05

Emboo I'm going to show him your message and guilt trip him. Sometimes he does go after putting the baby down to bed and I don't mind as much then, but that's not all that often though.

If I could spend hours on a beach beachy I probably wouldn't even notice DH's absence!

OP posts:

Emboo19 · 28/03/2017 22:35

Hopefully he can understand that jumbled message!

It is something me and my boyfriend have discussed a fair bit! We both agree we need time for both our interests but time together too.
At the moment I tend to go the gym/classes during the day if my mum or his can watch dd. He goes at the least inconvenient time, so usually when dd is in bed. We have at least a few nights with nothing on.
He also takes dd swimming every Sunday morning and gets up first thing with her through the week, he changes her then passes her for feeding. Then makes me a cuppa, before going to work.

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