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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 14mo for a day?

35 replies

thatverynightinmaxsroom · 28/03/2017 19:58

I'm going to my best friend's hen do in a few weeks. I have to fly so will be gone from about 6am to 10pm (getting the last flight home).

This was all planned a long time ago and at the time I thought DS would be completely fine at 14mo. However he barely eats any solids and still BFs a LOT. I've tried to cut him down but no joy.

He isn't interested in cow's milk or sippy cups. He'll drink a few sips from an open cup.

Is this going to work?! My best friend says she's happy for him to come but I think it would be a bit odd. And selfishly I haven't had a child free day for quite a few years and was really looking forward to it until worry set in.

AIBU to go even though I think it's going to be a really shit day for DS and by extension DH who will be looking after him?!

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 28/03/2017 20:00

Fucking hell, I'd have gone mad months ago.

How much time have you got? Can you practice leaving him for longer and longer periods? Might he be a bit more co-operative on eating and drinking if you're not there?

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 28/03/2017 20:00

At that age I really think he will be fine.

beachbaby18 · 28/03/2017 20:02

I'm still glued to my DS due to breastfeeding and he's older than your DS.

I know how hard it is, the maximum amount of time I've left DS for is 4 hours......I'm rubbish at leaving him so no advice, only I know how hard it is and sympathise with your dilemma.

Good luck (sure your DS will miss you but will be fine but know how worried you'll be)

Nowthereistwo · 28/03/2017 20:02

I think it will be good for the both of you.

falalalaoops · 28/03/2017 20:03

My 14mo is the same when I'm there (BFs lots and doesn't eat well), but if I go out he'll eat well for DH. Definitely go.. he will be absolutely fine, will eat/drink if he's hungry and I'm sure you need the break at this stage Smile

Maxandrubyrubyandmax · 28/03/2017 20:04

Cut the breast feeding and give him expressed milk from a cup and persever with the food. Get DH to feed him
As ofterm as poss so your boobs are not a option. I assume you're not back at work yet but this will tackling soon you need freedom to return to work/ have a life

MrsCobain · 28/03/2017 20:04

Before everyone tells you how they left their month old dc for a week I'll just say that I wouldn't feel comfortable. It's not about what ANYONE else thinks though.

What's good for one child and parent will be different for another.

KatharinaRosalie · 28/03/2017 20:06

14mo as in months? Of course he will be fine, I thought you were talking about a 14-week old. Milk is really not vital any more at this age and even if he decides to strike, he won't starve.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 28/03/2017 20:10

I was going to say no of course not! He cant be left alone at 14months. However, since he will be with his father thats perfectly fine.

You also Probably need to cut down on breastfeeding so he eats more food.

watchoutformybutt · 28/03/2017 20:11

Go. Seriously just bloody go. I am in same boat with my now 21 month old and I've only ever left her for 3 hours. I wish I'd just bitten the bullet and stopped this months ago. I am the first to admit I have become a prisoner and it's ridiculous because now I'm too anxious to just do it.
Go lady. Live your life and then report back on how fabulous it was!!

sonyaya · 28/03/2017 20:11

Why would it be odd to take her along? What kind of hen is it? Your friend sounds flexible and really lovely so if you're not comfortable to leave DD, go and have a good time with her there!

Your DD will be fine if you go. Whether you feel happy and comfortable about it is a different thing - but she WILL be fine and you are not wrong to go without her!

Lazyafternoon · 28/03/2017 20:12

Go! He'll be fine.
Even if he doesn't eat much and is grumpy all day, it is only one day. At 14mo he'll cope being hungry for a day.

Softkitty2 · 28/03/2017 20:13

If you are around he thinks why should i eat anything else mummys milk is available.. But maybe if you go he will not have no choice but to eat what he is offered by your dh

MumW · 28/03/2017 20:13

Can you do a trial run?
Just don't rush back at the first sign of upset.

Ragwort · 28/03/2017 20:14

Go - seriously, your DS will have to cope, he will be with his father.

I always used the scenario - how would my DC cope if I dropped dead - I know it sounds dramatic but it could happen and I think you owe it to your child to ensure that they will be fine without you.

Go and enjoy yourself.

sonyaya · 28/03/2017 20:16

OP I'm so sorry - I said DD when it is your DS. Didn't mean to be rude.

Original poster
thatverynightinmaxsroom · 28/03/2017 20:17

I don't feel the need to leave him/cut down feeding for any other reason, DD was similar and grew out of it in her own time and I wasn't and am not bothered by it.

I do want to go to this alone though! Argh. Why do I think it would be odd? Because hen dos are about the bride, and I think having a little toddler there would divert attention away from her in a way, and might make other people act differently to how they'd act if it were all adults? It's a relatively sensible hen do (well I imagine will get pretty wild after dinner but I'll be on the way home then).

Think those who suggested trying to leave for longer periods (max 3 hours before now) are right. Also getting DH to do a bedtime.

OP posts:
Original poster
thatverynightinmaxsroom · 28/03/2017 20:18

No worries sonyaya Smile

OP posts:
SometimesMaybe · 28/03/2017 20:19

Seriously don't take the baby. The hen might not mind but the other women there who have planned their day away from their children may not appreciate a toddler coming along.......

Sunshineandlaughter · 28/03/2017 20:23

As pp said age of lo and what other people would do has no bearing really - its what you want to do.

It's ok not to go on hen do (I've turned down loads of stuff due to my boob loving baby- sometimes it's what you have to do)

Also you could get your oh to bring lo along and you guys stay the night somewhere close - he entertains lo during day/eve with you nipping off to meet them to feed occasionally? I've also done this and it works really well (you can also have a proper night out then too!)

Or go and leave them

It's up to you!

Sunshineandlaughter · 28/03/2017 20:25

Def think the best choice is for you all to go and stay in a hotel nearby so you can have your lo close but not at hen and then you can nip to your hotel to put him to bed then go off for a proper night whilst your oh can have a night of hotel tv watching!!

Only1scoop · 28/03/2017 20:27

Blimey how do you cope....it's a day out just go. Your DS won't starve

Original poster
thatverynightinmaxsroom · 28/03/2017 20:47

sunshine I'd love that but we can't justify cost of flights plus hotel for the whole family. Would be £500+

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 28/03/2017 20:51

Go. It'll do good for all of you.

ThePiglet59 · 28/03/2017 21:02

"And selfishly I haven't had a child free day for quite a few years and was really looking forward to it until worry set in..."

But you did have a child-free day several years ago, and now you want another?
What a selfish cow!