AIBU to dread the school run?

[tigercub50]

This isn't really an AIBU thread but more that I am interested to know how many Mums really don't like the school run? I am quite an anxious person & I really get worked up about afternoon pick up ( mornings are ok because everyone is coming & going so you don't have to hang around waiting). I am late most days so I don't have to face the crowd, even though I know a lot of the Mums & am friendly with lots of people in other classes too. It's a big school which doesn't help. If you get there before the gates open, there's a surge down all the steps to the classrooms & then we have to wait outside. I will miss the primary school days when they are over but I wish I could relax a bit more when collecting DD

I completely agree, I try to get to afternoon pick up only a minute or two before mine finish, a lot of the people I know have left the school and I feel a bit Billy no mates, I try not to dwell on it and just get on with it. I do sympathise it's a strange thing as an adult I cant really explain it, I do know however it's not fun.

I honestly don't see what the big deal is, but with smart phones nowadays you can keep busy without even noticing everyone else - or trying to but there's always someone who wants a chat which is a pain when you are trying to send work emails.

I understand if you find crowds daunting, but I would view it as an opportunity to get to know some other mums there. There is a high chance that there are plenty of them feeling the same way you do.

I have made lots of good friends with the mothers from my daughter's school. We moved into the area a couple of weeks before she started primary, and I knew nobody. But I made a big effort to speak to folk and pushed myself to go out to toddler group and coffee. Now I have a lovely circle of friends and feel very integrated. There are obviously groups that are closer-knit, and there are occasional politics that I have mostly managed to avoid, but the school parents really feel like a community.

It is probably not nearly as ghastly as you think! Give some of them a chance. You might be really surprised.

What don't you like about it? Is it the fear that no one will talk to you, or that someone will? OR something else.

I quite like it- enjoy seeing other parents and having a brief chat (especially because I work from home and it's nice to have a bit of adult company in my day). But the other parents are a pretty friendly, non intrusive bunch so not too much pressure either way.

I embrace being a Billy no mates.
It's not a big deal once you accept it

Yanbu. At ds first school children were picked up in a pickup line and parents did not get out of their vehicle. Then when ds was 8 we moved and all of a sudden we had school run. Everyone knew everyone since their kids had been together for six years already. Some people were nice but most just blanked me and I gave up trying to be jovial after a few years.

Now ds gets picked up at the upper school in vehicles where I see one mom whose ds and my ds are good friends. We smile and wave and it's absolutely heaven!

YANBU

I avoided the whole pick up drop off scenario by getting a job at DCs school and staying there for 8 years

I always arrive as late as I possibly can because a) ds is always the last one out whether he was called first or last; b) he is usually collected by his childminder so the staff don't always notice or recognise me and c) I hate waiting and I am an unsociable bugger who hates making small talk with other people.

I turn up bang on time if not 5 mins after the bell goes, collect ds and go home. I don't expect to talk to anyone or for anyone to talk to me so I don't feel at all nervous or worry about what others might be thinking of me.

Try not to give it so much thought. Leave it a little later (within reason, obviously), turn up, collect and go.

I never really thought about it. You talk to people if you want to, if you don't, go and sit somewhere and read a book. I used to chat to people outside dd's school and it was quite nice but sometimes you have to make the effort and be the one to make the first move if you are going to be bothered by being on your own. All it takes is a smile and some remark about the weather or upcoming school event. It gets easier with a bit of practice (bear in mind that as a child I uttered not one word at school until I got to juniors so if I can do it anyone can).

Ds went to SN school and was collected and brought back by taxi so there was no playground chat at all. That's when you feel like Billy No Mates!

I only go once a week as am at work the rest of the time. That's enough for me as can't stand the mostly inane chat.
Why do you have to hang around, can you not just arrive on time?

I think most people don't notice, we're busy dropping our kids off before rushing to work. I smile and say hello to some parents but don't try to be friends with anyone. There's always a few in one small group hanging around and talking non stop, they always seem to be wittering on about something at top speed. Like its the social highlight of their day. Most parents get in, maybe smile or say hello, drop their kid, move on.

You haven't really specified what makes you anxious.

I don't get why people get worked up about it. Just fiddle with your phone if you don't have anyone to talk to. Make a comment about the weather. Sit in your car til the last possible minute so you don't have to stand about.

No one is looking at you, no one cares. They're all thinking or talking about their own shit.

My son is in secondary now but I used to feel the same. I hated doing the afternoon school pick up, mainly because my son got into a lot of trouble back then (undiagnosed SN) and I felt so judged my the other parents if I had to go speak to the teacher etc. I think it is a confidence thing really, I am a lot more confident these days and even if I had to deal with that same situation I don't think it would bother me... back then I used to really care what the other parents thought (and because I felt so self conscious and paranoid I probably imagined a lot of it!).

I genuinely don't get why this is an issue, unless you are agoraphobic or suffer from extreme social anxiety, in which case presumably it's dealing with social life in general, not just the school run.

What is so frightening?

I don't know a soul at DS's school, as work means I seldom do drop-offs or pick-ups more than once or twice a week. I occasionally worry that this will affect his friendships because DH and I don't know other parents, but I can't do much about it, so I don't fret. I'm happy to talk to anyone reasonably pleasant.

I'm not sure myself why I get so worked up as I do have some very good friends ( Mums of children in DDs class mainly). I am having some sessions to help with my anxiety so perhaps I just need to break the pattern of behaviour around pick up time. Maybe it goes back to my own school days when I was a bit of an outsider & got bullied so I am still trying desperately to fit in with everyone even though that's not realistic.

Is it because you want to make a good impression for your own children? I find this quite sweet to be honest. It's probably a lot more daunting to go for job interview and to start a new job, but mums are more anxious when their kids are involved.
Smile around, play with your phone, make the list of your weekly shopping (in your head or phone) and you'll be fine.

I only do it twice a week. My goal is to say hello to the parents standing on their own. No need to have a big conversation but a smile doesn't hurt.

Assuming I'm not running late and my kid is last again!

Its easy. Wait in car until 15.14. Go in and collect the child at 15.15 and walk out. Really not understanding the angst. School is for your child to make friends. It doesn't matter if you do or not.

I hate the school runs! I'm a sociable person in most situations but for some reason I cannot get to grips with the chit chat and transient nature of it all. I like a chat, a proper chat, but waiting for the kids to come out is not the place for it. I get tongue tied and walk away very embarrassed about the whole thing. If I told anyone this they wouldn't believe me for one minute!

I understand. I feel the same even though I also have lots of people I am good friends with at school. It's really just the process itself, the number of people and yes I am also taking medication for anxiety and depression, which completely crept up on me but I can honestly say it really has helped and I have only just realised reading this that I haven't felt it for the last couple of weeks so it must be working. Hope your treatment works too, it can be crippling.