Any celebrations no effort made

[Caelaj07]

It's Mother's Day and my 3 year old made me a card at nursery but my dh didn't take her to buy a token gift, he said he was going to make me breakfast in bed but we had to go out, Christmas he bought me a car air freshener, last birthday I got nothing and last Mother's Day and the Christmas before I got nothing not even a card. AIBU to be severely annoyed?? I don't want much just a token gift from my DD as she is too young to go get her own. When it's for him I have bought xboxes planned days out and other various expensive gifts and he doesn't think he's wrong!!! Sorry just needed a rant

Well you know what to do for father's day and his birthdays from now on. .
Naff all.

I'd be heartbroken if someone didn't see me as being worth a bit of effort, doesn't have to cost a lot. I'd have words and smash up his Xbox

I am heartbroken and yet he doesn't understand and now thinks I'm wrong for sulking. It's his birthday in a week or so and I'm not buying him anything at all, it will be the first time in over 8 years but I want him to see how it feels

Don't beat your brains out for someone who doesn't do it for you. Certainly, don't go the extra mile for someone who still doesn't care even when he sees how upset you are.

Definitely do sweet FA for your DH on his birthday and Father's Day.

Start using the money you used to spend on him to make sure you have a great Mother's Day next year. Treat yourself.

Here's some flowers

Go out with dc on his birthday.

Somewhere you know he wont want to go.

Every celebration make it amazing for you and dc and as awful as possible for him.

If he doesn't like a particular family member have christmas dinner there. So on.

Hey, he got you a car air freshener!
What do you want, a bucket of diamonds?

There's a difference between sulking and being hurt and upset.

You HAVE to do absolutely nothing for his birthday to prove a point and if he sulks it's a perfect conversation starter of how hurt you are he never makes the effort.

Why is It always down to the woman?! We put upwith and do so much for FA back.

But yes. Do nothing, get nothing and when he says "you forgot my birthday!" Just coolly reply "oh no I didn't dear." :) and watch the look on his face.

I really am in a catch 22, just realised that his birthday falls on grand national day which I love to go to pub for which we normally go together. If we go together will he think I've planned it for his birthday or if I go without him is that taking it too far not buying him anything and leaving him home alone too?

"Every celebration make it amazing for you and dc and as awful as possible for him."

He won't care- he may not notice. We (men) do not see these things the way you do. Now obviously this is a gross generalisation, but it's obvious that your DH is very much in that 'not in touch with feelings' category. He isn't being deliberately cruel, he just doesn't register your needs as important. Starting a war of attrition will just degrade the relationship until nothing is left.

Speak to him. Be very, very clear about what you want. Explain your feelings- slowly and repeatedly. Have a row when he doesn't treat you well and be very clear why you are annoyed and how he makes it up to you.

Either you are important enough for him to learn, and he will respond once he realises what you need; or not.

P.S. YANBU. He is being a git, I'd be upset too; but what matters is how you fix it.

No advice for OP on this one ... my DH has been the same for years although, to be fair, he makes a bit of an effort at Christmas. Just wanted to say to Donquixote ... that's great advice and I'll try to take it on board with my DH in future.