To ask whether DIL/SILs should be named in a Will?

[McAvennie]

So during a conversation with my lovely new PILs where it was mentioned that me and DH had been to make Wills after our recent wedding, MIL said that they'd also be making an appointment to update theirs now that we were married - with me to be named as a beneficiary should anything happen to DH before he inherited his 'share.'

Now while I'm really appreciative of this gesture (particularly as we don't yet have any DC) it's made me slightly uncomfortable at the same time, as I'm not sure this would be fair to DH's siblings - for instance if something were to happen to DH and I was to meet someone else and yet still get a share of PIL's estate?

So WIBU to ask how this has been dealt with in your family or how you would treat future DILs/SILs?

I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth!

But do you have DCs?

That's how my grandparents did it. They had three kids, and divided the state equally among the the "family lines." When my father died, his share was willed to my mother. When she died, my grandmother willed my father's share to my brother and myself equally.

Estate, not state.

I don't know about the ages or health of any of the individuals concerned but I've been married almost thirty years and in the last ten or so have offered a vast amount of time and support to my inlaws. If something happened to dh before they died I'm almost 100% sure they would want me to benefit from their wills.

Your in laws sound really nice and thoughtful. Lucky you.

My Inlaws have done this for me, if my DH pre-deceases them and me, then I inherit his share. It did seem very odd (though very kind of them).
We do have DC, but I'm not sure that my inlaws have really thought about what would happen if I was to remarry. I think it's fairly unusual to do it this way, I would have expected them to pass it on to my DC in the event that my DH dies first.

It does seem a bit specific and potentially could be a bit awkward. Perhaps their solicitor will run them through some scenarios.
I'm probably in FIL's will as specifically excluded from getting my gold digging hands on any of his money

But then if you were to remarry, there would be nothing stopping them from altering the will again.

It seems a little odd to do it when you are newly married and before you have had children together.

DH died 10 years ago. When FiL died a few years ago, I got a small lump sum in his will, as did my sisters in law (DH's sisters) but the bulk of his estate went to MiL. When she goes, I think her will states that the SiLs get one third each, and what would have been DH's third will be divided equally between our two DCs, with nothing going to me directly (as far as I know). That makes sense to me - the inheritance goes mostly to blood relations.

Though having said that, I wouldn't be surprised if my parents left money directly to my BiL, as he has been part of the family since he was a teenager, and he will almost certainly outlive my sister.

In your situation, OP, I would see it as a nice 'welcome to the family' gesture; with any luck, the will won't need to be consulted for years, your DH will still be alive and well when his parents go, and you may have DC by then. If the worst happens on all fronts, you could always renounce your share if you felt uncomfortable with it, but it is unlikely to come to that.

"But then if you were to remarry, there would be nothing stopping them from altering the will again."

True, but I think the issue arises if pils die and the money is left to op, then op remarries and leaves everything to new dh. I think that's why most pils would leave the dc's 'share' to the dgc rather than the dil or sil, once there are dgc. But in this case there are no dgc at the moment.
There is a fairly horrific scenario in which pils could die after a dc dies but before the dgc is born. That is unlikely I suppose. That is one problem with making a will - you start thinking about 'worst case' scenarios to try to cover every eventuality.

Sorry to those on this thread who have lost loved people,

I know my DH and BIL are named in my DF will for specific items (as are all the DGC) but the main estate will be split between me and DSIS. If I were to die before DF my share would automatically be allocated to my DC equally, but it wouldn't surprise me if DF changed it to give it to my DH instead.

Inlaws wont leave us anything, I married the wrong son for that

My Grandmother (fathers mother) left money to her son who was my uncle, my mum (her daughter in law, much lesser amount than son) and then her grandchildren (in equal amounts) My father had died many years before..In reality my uncles family took most of her expensive possessions and jewellery too, but it was nice that she left my mum some money (but it wasnt equal shares to my uncle of course, and my father and later my brother and mum, and other gran, had done so much for her over the years)

Make sure you talk to an experienced and recommended solicitor.

Make sure your nice PILS are thinking all eventualities through, including what you've touched on, eg, them and your DH dying before you, you remarrying and the money being left to any new partner and children so out of the family as other relatives might see it and contest.

And why are you being named a beneficiary when your husband has other siblings? If there's history there it needs to be addressed with the solicitor.

I'm named in my PIL's will.

If they die, DH gets it all. If they die and my DH is dead then our non existent children get the money, then if we continue to have no children I get it all.

I wasn't expecting it, but they showed us the will a few years ago when they changed it. It's worded such that if we have kids they don't have to change their will. We won't but that's beside the point. DH is an only child though and their estate will be pretty significant.

I think it's nice of them to have thought it through to that extent. I think they're also telling you to indicate to you how much you are family to them.

Having seen the mess that can result when people are unclear or spiteful, I think they are handling things very well.

My Gran left the bulk of her estate equally divided between surviving children, but allowed each of them to nominate who they would like to receive their share if they died before her. Two chose their spouses, and one (unmarried) chose their nieces and nephews (the grandchildren). My mum died before that will was written, and there wasn't a "share" allocated to her family, but I think my Gran consulted my dad (her son in law), before making that will.

I think that's a lovely gesture. If something happened to DH after he'd inherited from his parents then you met someone else you'd still benefit from the inheritance presumably? There's probably also an assumption that you will at some point have DC's and it's nicer to leave money to the parents (so you can use it to provide a nicer life to DC's) then directly to DCs.

My parents will specifies that my share goes to the kids with Dh and my brother as trustees of the money. As my dad puts it "if you and us are dead, Dh should not have to go cap in hand to Db in order to pay for stuff for the kids."

That would be a strange way to do it. Normally people would leave to their dead child's children instead if their child were dead by then. My new will says that.

My mother has done for her son in laws so that instead of being split four ways, any inheritance will be split six ways (we were never expecting much anyway). Entirely their decision and nice they believe marriage is enduring and are supportive.

It's very nice of them to give you that message that they feel you are absolutely part of the family, but I would share your slight discomfort too. However, it is up to each individual what they do with their will, so I wouldn't think too much about it, especially as statistically - and hopefully - this is not going to be needed in the next couple of decades over which time they could change their will several times.

My Mum did her will half and half between me and my Brother, no spouses/partners or Grandchildren involved.
Much easier that way, then any GC can get something from their parent should that parent wish.