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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No Mother's Day present

190 replies

titianlove · 26/03/2017 12:02

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

OP posts:
Original poster
titianlove · 26/03/2017 12:02

I might add that it doesn't help that he bought his own mother wine, chocolates and flowers Sad

OP posts:
kittybiscuits · 26/03/2017 12:04

Did he ask her what she wanted and would he have bought her nothing if she didn't tell him? Is he usually thoughtless?

Original poster
titianlove · 26/03/2017 12:04

No he didn't ask her....he just bought her them

OP posts:
KinkyAfro · 26/03/2017 12:05

But you're not his mother. How old are your kids?

NapQueen · 26/03/2017 12:05

Ah I feel sorry for him. You said not to bother and he got you a card, so he didnt conpletely not bother.

How old are the kids?

Iamastonished · 26/03/2017 12:06

I got nothing. Neither OH, and as a result 16 year old DD "do" Mothering Sunday, so in my house it is just another day for me. I have cheated and bought some cook chill ready meals for today as I am going to have a bit of a break. If I don't make it easy for myself today no-one else will.

I even have to buy MIL's card because it wouldn't occur to OH to get one.

I don't like eating out on Mothering Sunday because everywhere is busy and I would have to drive so no wine for me.

TittyGolightly · 26/03/2017 12:06

It's a Hallmark holiday FFS.

Introvertedbuthappy · 26/03/2017 12:07

Why did you tell him not to bother then get upset when he took you at your word? He's not a mind reader...
I told DH not to bother but he did get some chocolates. I'm just glad he didn't waste any more of our money buying some of the tat I've seen on Facebook.

shyturnip · 26/03/2017 12:07

My ex was the same. Took "don't go to any bother" literally. But tbf he thought he was doing as I wanted!

When I actually said actually yes, I do like being made a bit of a fuss over he pulled out the stops.

So yab a bit U if you say one thing but expect something else.

Original poster
titianlove · 26/03/2017 12:08

One DD who is 3.

I'm just a bit Hmm that his own mother has been spoiled and I've got a 79p card

OP posts:
AYankinSpanx · 26/03/2017 12:08

We've never done presents for Father's Day or Mother's Day. I honestly only want a homemade card from the kids and a posy of flowers from the garden. I send my mother a present because I won't be with her.

How about thinking about like this...if you feel under appreciated all year round then you need to address that. If that's the case, then a gift won't fix it. If you feel as though your family love and appreciate you generally, then you don't need a gift to realise that.

Iamastonished · 26/03/2017 12:08

"It's a Hallmark holiday FFS"

Mothering Sunday isn't. It is a religious one, always three weeks before Easter.

However, Mother's Day is.

Mcnorton · 26/03/2017 12:08

Sounds like your husband listened to you when you said not to do anything. Next year you'll know to tell him what you want Flowers
I made it clear to my family I expected to be worshipped appropriately. Wink

SilverBirchWithout · 26/03/2017 12:08

Well you did say you didn't want anything??? I don't quite understand what you expected him to do.

SilverBirchWithout · 26/03/2017 12:09

Also you are not his mother!

Amaried · 26/03/2017 12:10

Honestly though you are not his mother? . When did this start that it's become about wives. Can I ask what you did for your mother?

smallchanceofrain · 26/03/2017 12:10

Flowers for you.

At least next year your DH will be sure to make more of an effort!

If it makes you feel any better, 11 year old DS was let loose in a shop to choose my present. He chose a mug. Not a nice flowery mother's day mug, but one with a picture of a dog wearing glasses. When asked why his explanation was, "It reminded me of you. I think it's the glasses and the weird stare."

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 26/03/2017 12:11

I don't understand all the posters who jump in and say she shouldn't be a bit upset.

OP you're the mother of his child, a child too young to act on it herself, but who would probably want to it she could.

For your DD and for you, he should have made more of an acknowledgment Flowers

KellyBoo800 · 26/03/2017 12:11

So he listened to you and you're pissed off? YABU. What did you actually want him to do? As PP said he is not a mind reader.

Minstrelsareyum · 26/03/2017 12:11

Well here's Flowers from your MN mums. Your DH needs to learn to completely ignore any "oh don't go to any bother" suggestions and NOT take it literally. And it is not too late to go out and get you something.

I know how you feel as on my very first Mothering Sunday I got a card (that's all he ever got his mother so thought he'd carry on the tradition) and I cried my eyes out at my DM's and it was rectified a day later and from then on, I have always had a pressie.

Jaagojaago · 26/03/2017 12:12

Why did you ask him not to bother? Is that not what you truly meant?

BillSykesDog · 26/03/2017 12:12

Er. You told him not to bother. Next time just say 'I don't mind, you pick something' instead.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 26/03/2017 12:13

But you told him not to get you anything. I'm all for presents and cards on Mothers Day but I find it passive aggressive to tell someone not to get you anything, then be cross when they actually follow what you've said.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 26/03/2017 12:15

I absolutely agree that husbands should do something for their wife until their children are old enough to do it themselves - but in this case you told him not to bother! Honestly, why did you do that if actually you did want him to? I don't think you're being particularly fair.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter · 26/03/2017 12:18

You did say don't get me anything so to be fair to your dh he only done what you told him too. If someone tells me not to bother then I don't

Why can't people just say what they mean? Why do the whole ohh I don't want anything don't bother about little me, just say some x,x, or x would be nice