No Mother's Day present

[titianlove]

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

[Pinkheart5915]

So your annoyed becuase you told your dh not to bothered about a present so he didn't if someone told me not to bother with a present you now what I wouldn't becuase I expect an adult to say what they mean

You are an adult so when someone asks you what kind of thing you would like just be bloody honest and say such and such has caught my eye. Why play around prentending you don't want anything?

[FetchezLaVache]

I would interpret "don't go to any bother" as "just get me whatever you think", not "don't get me anything at all", so I think YANBU. And how fucking hard would it have been for him to get you some flowers, chocolates and wine while he was getting some for his own mother?

[Mummydummy]

I'm not sure I've ever got presents - well maybe once or twice - on mothers day. I've never really expected one. But I do like a card - especially homemade ones.

But sadly today my kids are at their Dads so I'm all alone and my Mum died last year. I shall be very happy indeed if they just give me cards this evening!

[TittyGolightly]

However, Mother's Day is.

Which is what the OP put in her title.

Pretty sure the religious version doesn't insist on presents, lie ins or meals out.

[ThisIsStartingToBoreMe]

you're not his mother, why would he get you anything on mothers day.

[TittyGolightly]

I'm getting line washed bedding as my Mother's Day present.

[Hulder]

In the 20+ years he has been doing Mothers Day for his mother he will have got it spectacularly wrong. She has had years to train him in her expectations of Mothers Day - which is why he can now do it without asking her.

You and he have had 3 years. Plus he hasn't yet realised that by 'Don't make a fuss' you mean 'Surprise me'.

Have a chat before the next one comes around - or better have a chat about what you mutually expect from each other for Mothers and Fathers Day, given a 3 year old is unlikely to do it spontaneously.

I'm sure his mum has lots of stories about awful Mothers Days of her own.

[OnceMoreIntoTheBleach]

Come on people, if you asked your mum or your sister or your best friend what they wanted for a birthday or some such, and they said 'ah don't worry about getting me anything', would you really take them at their word and get nothing?

I think that's a daft justifications. He should have got her some flowers at least!

[Huskylover1]

I can't believe some of these comments!

Why did you ask him not to bother? Is that not what you truly meant?

People say not to bother all the time, because it sounds grabby to say "I want x/y/z" Her husband is a fully grown man, who bought his own Mum flowers and wine for Mother's Day, so he knows full well, that he should have got something similar for the Op, from their 3 year old.

Honestly though you are not his mother?

What? Where does she say she is his mother? He should have bought something to give her from their daughter. It's not rocket science, is it?

Of course Op is upset. And rightly so. DH went to the shops and purchased ONE bunch of flowers and ONE bottle of wine, for is own Mum, how hard would it have been to pick up TWO of each and acknowledge how hard the Op works all year to care for their child.

Jeepers, I used to get DH a present from the dog for Fathers Day (before she passed).

[SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter]

No actually oncemore when my Mum says she doesn't want anything she means it, so I don't get anything but a card. Mum is honest if you ask her on Mother's Day/birthday/Christmas what she wants some years she says x would be nice but many years she has said no presents.
Same with my best friend if I ask and she says nothing then I get a nice card but that's it.

Maybe I'm stupid but I expect and adult to say what they mean not mess not play silly I want nothing's games

[Iris65]

You're not his Mother. Also its a bit unreasonable to say 'don't bother' and then be upset!

[Wellitwouldbenice]

So you spoke in riddles and expected him to work it out? He's upset now, understandably. Perhaps you should apologise?

[Iris65]

If you don't want to sound 'grabby' just say 'surprise me!'

In the original post OP does not say that her child is too young to organise stuff themselves - so the'not being his mother' was reasonable.

[pictish]

Good grief.

1. You're not his mother.
   
2. You told him not to bother.
   
3. It is quite right that he should treat his mother. She raised him.
   

If you have expectations other than those then express them. He gave you the opportunity but you chose to go down the route of giving him a silent test instead.
Remember no one passes a test they don't know they're taking.

[Pinkheart5915]

Oncemore regardless of who I am ask Mum/dad/brothers/queen mother if they say they don't want anything I still get a card but no presents. Most years I think of surprises but if I am out of ideas I always ask and expect them to speak up if they want something

I don't see the point in an adult saying they don't want anything then spitting the dummy out when they surprise surprise get nothing.

[Jayfee]

havent read the whole thread but He is not your mother?? sorry am i missng something. plus if you told him not to bother how is he in the wrong??

[SilverBirchWithout]

Maybe I'm stupid but I expect and adult to say what they mean not mess not play silly I want nothing's games

^Totally agree^

[Kennington]

I didn't get anything from my husband either.
Got a card made at school from 4 year old.
It is fine. Just like valentines. If someone is good all year round then it isn't really important.

[Bluntness100]

I don't really understand why people think they should get gifts on Mother's Day. For me a card is brilliant, especially the home made variety, this year I got flowers which was a lovely surprise.

I'm so surprised that so many people don't really think it's the thought that counts, they do want gifts.

Anyways, yes, you're being unreasonable. You're not his mother, he got you a card and he asked you well in advance and you said not to get you anything. You now for some mysterious reason think your husband should treat you like your his mother.

[elodie2000]

'Don't go to any bother' = Don't go to any bother. You really can't be pissed off with him!

[AnoiseAnnoysanOyster]

But why would you say 'nothing' if you didn't mean it? You're not helping yourself.

[StillDrivingMeBonkers]

Mothering Sunday isn't. It is a religious one, always three weeks before Easter.

It's a traditional holiday given to domestic staff on the 4th Sunday of Lent to take leave and visit their parish church, or Mother Church.

www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/christianity/holydays/motheringsunday_1.shtml

[RiversrunWoodville]

Tittygolightly I love linewashed bedding sooo fresh ahhhh!
Back to op no I don't think don't go to much bother should be interpreted as do nothing at all so I'd be upset too and from NI op. Although clearly in future he needs firm guidance until dc is old enough I would actually like something nice for Mother's Day thanks DH just like I always bloody get you for Father's Day

[StandAndBeCounted]

I am currently having the best mothers day I've ever had. Which is in part because my oldest two are 8 and 5 and therefore make me presents and cards at school and remember the day themselves. (Also my eldest makes a mean cup of tea these days)

But the other reason is because I did the food shop as normal yesterday but bought all the delicious things I wanted for today. Then last night reminded my DH it was Mothers Day tomorrow and that therefore I would be resting and he would be making me delicious things. I then listed off everything I wanted and where to find it .

[Honeybee79]

My kids are 6 and 4 months. I told DH not to bother with a present or anything and meant it. He didn't bother and given that's what I told him I am absolutely ok with it. My 6 year old made me a card, which was v sweet of him. We're skint and I would have been a bit annoyed if DH did spend tbh.

If you told him not to bother you have to be prepared for him to do just that.