No Mother's Day present

[titianlove]

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

[Lakegeneva40]

My dh is similar. Asked me what I wanted. Well said would x be a good idea. I said yes but still got nothing. At least Dd1 and Dd3 did some craft and Dd2 made me cakes.
May have to do the same on Fathers day.

[BackforGood]

Yes, YABU.

1. you are not his mother
   
2. He asked you, and you told him not to bother.

[KateDaniels2]

You told him not to bother. Why on earth should that mean he doesnt bother getting anything for his own mum. Why would you assume he would apply what you said to her?

For the pp saying 'everyone knows 'dont bother' means they dont want to appear grabby and you still should get something'...how about people act like adults and say what they want rather than getting upset when people actually listen to them. Why do people think its normal to play games?

Besides which he still got her a card. He did do at least something.

[2rebecca]

Say what you mean and mean what you say. Agree you aren't his mother and you told him you didn't want anything.
My teenage/ young adult kids often don't get me presents for mothers day, I certainly don't expect anything from my husband, just as I don't buy him stuff for fathers day. His young adult kids may or may not get him cards.
It's not happy spouse day.

[danTDM]

YY 2Rebecca, not happy spouse day well said.

And to the person that asked about Christmas and birthday presents, no. I do not expect anything more than what my DD herself is capable of. Be it a homemade card, a little thing made at school, this year she made me a book. When she's older I imagine she'll buy things and it will be a bit . All this fuss about 'presents', meaning 'material things'

[SophieGiroux]

I think the solution is to not bother when it's Father's Day. However, men take things very literally so if you say you don't want anything then they won't get it. I hinted yesterday that I hoped I had some nice chocolates and sure enough I did get some this morning (he made a mad dash to the shops after I'd said it!)

[dizzygirl1]

Mil has recently passed away so we were full on not doing mothers day. Had expected at least a card (expectations are not high for presents as he is really crap at them). Today i've not even had a 'happy mothers day' off the kids let a lonely a card.
He's been to the shops plenty over the last few months whilst they've been out and available, i've bought the family ones. I just can't get past the pain that actually he (and the kids) doesn't even think enough of me to get a card. It's exactly the same for Christmas and birthdays - we're at a point financially to be ok to spend some money but he just doesn't think about it ever. Am feeling exceptionally selfish but so so alone. Whinge Whinge Whinge from me. Sorry.

[ImogenTubbs]

My DD is 3. It would have been nice if DH had got her to make a card or something, but it doesn't matter because I feel loved and appreciated the rest of the time - that's the crux of it, I think. Do you? In the end, DH explained Mothers' Day to her and she gave me handful of bits of glitter paper she had cut up as a present and a handful of daisies she picked from the garden.

[PurpleMinionMummy]

I'm pretty sure the many mums who have posted here about lovely gifts and cards made at brownies or school aren't the mums of the teachers or brownie leaders either....

[OnceMoreIntoTheBleach]

Actually, I think it's a bit odd to ask someone what they want for a day like Mother's Day. It's not a significant gift opportunity like birthdays or Christmas. Why would you even ask in the first place? It's so easy to get a card or help dc to make one and buy some flowers or chocolates as a nice gesture from them. I mean, what was he expecting you to say? 'Well I'd love a new hairdryer'?

[daisychain01]

OP your DH lacks imagination. Ffs why does he even need to ask the question. He's supposedly an autonomous adult with the ability to to choose a nice card and flowers for you withiut prior discussion or permission. Or if you arent a flowers person (if there is such a thing) then the supermarkets are burgeoning with simple items like a small box of Thorntons or some handcream.

Not getting you anything is twattish after getting a load of stuff for his DM. I despair!

[coconuttella]

I thought we wanted men to realise "no means no".... so YABU to then get annoyed that he took you at your word!

[Wellitwouldbenice]

Good point coco.

[shyturnip]

Ffs why does he even need to ask the question

I'd hazard a guess that as the op is a new mum and therefore Mother's Day hasn't become an established tradition between them yet, he was seeing what her expectations were. And she said not to bother. So he didn't.

[SoupDragon]

as the op is a new mum

Their DD is 3.

[silkybear]

If you want something for mothers day don't be one of those martyr women who says 'don't bother about me' or 'it doesn't matter'. My own mum did this for years then moans every year that my brother does sweet fuck all about mothers day. She told him for years it didnt matter then gets offended about it every year but still says nothing to him (apart from moaning to me)

[TathitiPete]

I'd hazard a guess that as the op is a new mum

She has a three year old.

[SoupDragon]

OP He shouldn't have needed to ask but you shouldn't have told him not to bother.

[thatcatpigeon]

So no means no unless it secretly means yes ? Lesson learnt, just be honest next time.

[shyturnip]

Ahh sorry. Missed that bit in the op

[HorridHenryrule]

My partner got flowers, a card and a bottle of wine. He gave it to the children to give to me. They even brought me two biscuits with a cup of tea in bed. Me and my children will do the same for him on Father's Day. Kids grow up to quickly make the most of it.

[Underthemoonlight]

TBH you did say not to bother. My dh got a message off his mother telling him not to bother but we got a token gift for her. I don't think you can grumble too much. I told dh not to bother with cards because the kids had made one and he said what about the baby. The two oldest made a card for him using his hand and all three cards are sitting on the mantle piece.

[oblada]

"So do those who don't believe it's the dads job to sort a gift for the mother of his small kids, 'because you're not his mum' think the same about birthday and Christmas gifts for mum? To me it's all the same thing"

Actually I do. I don't expect anything from my children whether it's mothers day, my birthday or Xmas unless they want to give me something/are old enough to understand. I don't expect my husband to buy something for them to give to me, to me that would be quite odd. Of course my kids can enlist his/my help to get us gifts if they want (mostly financial help) but it's completely up to them. Mostly I'm very happy with things they can do themselves ie drawings etc.

[BackforGood]

Same as Oblada - I only started getting Christmas / birthday presents of my dc when they were old enough to be having pocket money and 'get' the idea of choosing a present. Same for dh - he started getting presents off them when they were old enough to do that.

[Allthebestnamesareused]

Instead of saying don't bother say either just a little something or surprise me! That way he knows you expect something. Why should he be a mind reader?