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AIBU?

No Mother's Day present

190 replies

titianlove · 26/03/2017 12:02

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

OP posts:

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TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 26/03/2017 12:56

If the conversation has been repeated verbatim here, I can see how 'don't go to any bother' would have meant to the OP 'get me flowers/wine/chocolates but not something that's going to take three weeks to organise or cost a fortune'.

Well he didn't go to any bother. And I can see how to some people it's synonymous with 'don't bother'.

Next year OP (and on your birthday, and for Christmas) try to think of something you can tell him you want, so that there are no more misunderstandings.

Huskylover1 · 26/03/2017 12:58

So, all these people saying she shouldn't have had any token gift for Mother's Day, do you all ignore Father's Day, for your kids dads?

And for the poster who asked why the child didn't buy her own presents....she's 3 years old!!

Yes, she isn't his mother and she didn't raise him, but she carried and gave birth to HIS child, and is raising HIS child, and him giving their daughter a bunch of flowers to hand to Mum, would have been the right thing to do. especially as he was at the shop buying a bunch for his own Mum and could have grabbed two bouquets instead of one Sorry, but he sounds like an arse.

TittyGolightly · 26/03/2017 12:59

I love linewashed bedding

Just hope I'm home in time to get it off the line before the bastard neighbours start up their fucking wood burners.

danTDM · 26/03/2017 13:00

What pictish said.

I am waiting until my DD (8) is older, when it actually means something to her, before I expect anything except school made stuff.

I am not DH's mother.

ClothEaredBint · 26/03/2017 13:00

"You're not his Mother"

I HATE this so much, hate it. It gets trotted out on here every year to excuse asshole husbands and quite frankly I think its a fucking Vile opinion to have.

No, she isn't is mother, she is the mother of his children, therefore, for THEM to celebrate Mothers Day with her, HE needs to get off his fucking arse and make an effort on THEIR behalf, so that the child can have something to give his wife on Mothers day.

Or do you all expect children to be remembering and wandering around the shops unsupervised?

danTDM · 26/03/2017 13:02

Of course he bought his own DM something FFS.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 26/03/2017 13:03

You told him not to bother, so he didn't. Next time he asks you what you want, tell him.

FlyingElbows · 26/03/2017 13:03

How about you (all of you who think like the Op) just don't play passive aggressive bullshit games that nobody can "win"? If you want your husband to know or do something try just telling him, it'll make your life a million times easier. Seriously why do you waste your time and energy on such a pointless way to behave?

tinypop4 · 26/03/2017 13:04

He asked you what you wanted and you said not to bother, so he didn't. That was your moment there to say what you wanted if it's important to you. Yabu as you said don't bother- lots of people (my dh included) take these comments as true.

Megatherium · 26/03/2017 13:08

The poor man probably feels he can't do anything right with you. If he'd got you something, you'd be asking him why he paid no attention to you when you said you didn't want anything.

So, lesson learned. Next time he asks you what you want as a present, don't mess around expecting him to read your mind, tell him what you want.

Hulder · 26/03/2017 13:09

Have asked DH what he would do if I told him 'Don't go to any bother' over a gift worthy occasion.

He says he would a) panic and b) get a present.

However this isn't because he has psychic powers, it's because we've both miscommunicated about presents to each other often enough that we both know what the other really wants, even if ahead of the occasion we say something else.

It took crap days to get to the good days.

oblada · 26/03/2017 13:10

I agree with those saying that you should have been upfront with what you wanted from him! I don't want anything from my OH because I'm not his mother and because it is just commercial nonsense anyway. I'm perfectly happy with a cute card from my girls and a hug and a kiss. I wouldn't expect anything else from them either and didn't even expect my OH to do a card for them when they were too little to do it/to care. I was happy to wait until they were old enough to decide what they wanted to do for themselves. Everyone is different though so it's about being clear about what you expect rly.

SingingSilver · 26/03/2017 13:11

DS has autism. He didn't give me a card or anything like that but he was smiling earlier and when I asked him why he said "Because it's your special day!" Bless him. I've decided to nick his easter Lindt bunny...

ilovesooty · 26/03/2017 13:12

If it mattered that much to you you could have said you'd appreciate anything he put thought into.

Next time act like an adult and say what you want when you're asked instead of playing games like a child.

Wheelerdeeler · 26/03/2017 13:15

He didn't really do anything wrong.

Dh asked me the same. I had a spa day planned with my friends a couple of weeks ago and conscious that was family money being spent on me. So I said so and I got a card this morning.

I got up as I am pregnant and couldn't sleep anyway. I went out and bought us fresh pastries for breakfast.

Does this mean anything?

No as dh treats me with respect (as I do him) on an ongoing basis and I don't need a day in the calendar to prove this.

Tell your dh what you expect. Tell him today and remind him next year. Then you wont be disappointed.

foxyloxy78 · 26/03/2017 13:19

Well I got absolutely eff all. No card. Nada.

drummersmum · 26/03/2017 13:20

I am working at home. I haven't received a card, a verbal "happy" or any treat. DS has forgotten and is doing homework. DH is not supposed to do anything, I'm not his mother.

blankmind · 26/03/2017 13:20

Some people interpret conversations very literally and don't think there could be another interpretation of those words. That's what OP's DH did.

OP, next time he asks a question about getting something for you, spell out what you would like, make life easier for everyone.

MarasmeAbsolu · 26/03/2017 13:22

my DDs made me cards at school / nursery. That's it.
I don't mind at all.

My DH got himself a new lawn mower

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 26/03/2017 13:27

My husband is shit at gifts at most times of the year unless I actually tell him exactly what I'd like. The kids (9, 7, 5) all made me cards at school, eldest made me a cross-stitched bookmark at Brownies and my youngest gave me his 'run out of glow' glowsticks that he had a few years ago. DH made me a cup of tea and apologised that he'd forgotten about mother's day - despite the fact I gave him a card and gift to post to his own mother over a week ago. His worst crime though was 9 years ago, when my eldest was only 3 months old (and hence the responsibility fell firmly on his shoulders) and he didn't get me a mother's day card on my very first ever mother's day. I was so upset :(

Some men are great at occasions and gifts, some just aren't and never will be. I'm resigned to the fact that my DH falls firmly in the latter category and remind myself that he has other redeeming qualities!

Surreynewmum123 · 26/03/2017 13:30

Of course you shouldn't have to spell out you'd like a gift!
Very poor of your DH. And to storm off in a huff when he should take it on the chin!
I'm sure he feels bad but still ..
Please do something lovely for yourself today, you deserve it!
(And hope he makes it up to you later ... )

PurpleMinionMummy · 26/03/2017 13:33

It's dangerous to tell some people don't bother as they simply won't, unlike others (probably you) who would still buy a token something. It wouldn't have been hard for him to pick something up when he sorted his mums presents! But you'll know for next time.

So do those who don't believe it's the dads job to sort a gift for the mother of his small kids, 'because you're not his mum' think the same about birthday and Christmas gifts for mum? To me it's all the same thing

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kittybiscuits · 26/03/2017 13:35

PurpleMinion that is such a sensible post

drummersmum · 26/03/2017 13:40

All this about a gift. If someone loves you, there are many ways to show it. A gift is what our economy driven society would like us to expect. A gift means nothing. It's easy to get. I once got breakfast in bed and that was the best gift ever.

TapOut · 26/03/2017 13:40

Sorry but you are being very unreasonable. If you wanted something for Mothers Day why on earth would you say don't bother? That's just silly. Plus you aren't his mother.

In future he will probably get you something so that you aren't dissapointed and upset with him and not because he appreciates all you do. . Personally, I'd just wait until the DC are older and want to do something for you on their own accord. I think that would be more meaningful.

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