No Mother's Day present

[titianlove]

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

[TapOut]

So do those who don't believe it's the dads job to sort a gift for the mother of his small kids, 'because you're not his mum' think the same about birthday and Christmas gifts for mum? To me it's all the same thing

Yes I'd think the same. I waited until the kids were old enough to understand and want to get presents for me before getting them. Sometimes DH helped them get something by taking them to the shops but generally they would have just drawn something or made something.

[SpreadYourHappiness]

YABVU. You told him not to bother, so he didn't. You can't play games with him and then get upset when he doesn't dance to your silly tune. If you wanted a present, you should have said so.

You've only yourself to blame.

[Heinousfauxpas]

1. you are not his mother

Their DD is 3 years old. She can hardly read the paper, realise it's Mothers' Day and pop down the shops and buy a bunch of daffs for her DM can she.

Saying "Don't go to much bother" isn't the same as saying do nothing imo. It's saying don't go to masses of trouble. A bunch of daffs and a box of Quality Street etc isn't going to much bother. YANBU.

[Ca1ypso]

I can't believe the excuses for the DH on this thread YANBU OP.
First of all he shouldn't even be asking you what you want for Mother's Day because -

a) it's hardly a surprise if you've had to prescribe your own gift

b) he should know or be able to at least have a pretty good guess. Even the most dense DH can surely come up with flowers or chocolates

What is wrong with these men and how hard can it be in one day of the year? Hallmark or no Hallmark - the day exists, everyone knows it exists, it is very easy to do something non-commercial and not bothering is unacceptable.

[P1nkP0ppy]

I was given a block of snow/ice from the top of Pen y Fan where DH and DD had gone to watch the sunrise for fun
Probably the most original gift but unfortunately it melted pdq 😳 🙂

[user1471495191]

My toddler made a card at nursery, I told DH this meant he didn't need to buy one and meant it. I did a food shop and DH cooked a Sunday roast and we have had a lovely family day. To me, that is worth more than any shop bought present or expensive/rushed restaurant meal.

[CointreauVersial]

You made the same mistake I did when DH asked if I wanted anything for our 10th wedding anniversary. I told him not to worry about it.

The anniversary arrived, and he didn't even give me a card! I went mad - not because i wanted a gift, but it would have been nice for him to at least acknowledge the day. I expected a card, or a hug, or something. He said "I thought you didn't want to do anything?" He did buy me a bunch of flowers the next day, and learned not to take me quite so literally in future.

[LorraLorraLlama]

Yes its very inreasonable your three yesr old didnt raid her piggy bank and ealk to the local shop yo buy you a card.

Ffs - all these people saying you are not the husbands mum are being ridiculous when it comes to young children.

Fwiw op i feel your pain. Theres not much worse than feeling unappreciated by your loved ones except maybe when you come on mumsnet and get slagged off and called a self important bitch (happened to me a few years back on here - some people just dont get kindness/empathy/warmth and never want to miss out on an opportunity to stick the knife in).

There is nothing wrong in feeling like you do today. Lots of lovely mums are feeling the same as you are today. Happy Mothers Day to you and any other mums feeling a bit unappreciated today.

[BusterGonad]

Oh op, your not your husbands mum so why on earth would he have got you anything for Mother's Day? This is such a load of rubbish. How hard is it to pop 2 cards in the basket at Asda's and a bunch of daffodils for his mum and his daughters mum, the mans wife/girlfriend etc... such a small gesture and such a loving thing to do. I'm sure the op will make a effort on Father's Day even though he's not her dad!

[BarbarianMum]

YABU because you told him not to bother! I don't expect presents (personal choice) but I always get cards and breakfast in bed (made by dh and the kids) because that's what I asked for. Today we also went for a family walk in the afternoon because I told everyone days ago that's what I wanted to do.

It's okay to say you'd like a little fuss made.

[ArriettyClock1]

I think many posters are being ridiculous.

Your child is 3, so obviously it falls to your dh to buy you gifts on her behalf.

My youngest is 14 and today he got me a Clarins hamper, a huge bunch of flowers and a bottle of champagne. Obviously these were all bought by dh and ds wrote me a lovely card.

Mother's day is as much about being appreciated by your husband as your children, imo.

[angelicjen]

Op, I get where you're coming from. Hope your day got better and your family do a good job of appreciating you every day.

[ZZZZ1111]

Clotheared - well said!!

[oblada]

I personally think it's ridiculous to feel the need to be 'appreciated' one day in the year through material gifts. I'm as materialistic as the next person but I really don't get what the fuss is about. When I was young I would give my mother handmade stuff and bring her breakfast in bed. No need for more. When I was old enough I'd probably add to that going to the bakery to buy some pastries for breakfast but I also did that other times as I was always an early riser. I hope my kids continue like this, handmade gifts, a hug and a kiss and I'm happy. I know I'm appreciated anyway, just as they know they are too. I certainly do not need my husband to be doing anything on behalf of his children, what's the point then?

[pictish]

"Mother's day is as much about being appreciated by your husband as your children, imo."

I don't think it is, is it?

[ShowMePotatoSalad]

It's important for family members to appreciate each other but I don't see how that converts in to needing presents? It's nice but is it really what matters? Surely it's better to have a nice day together, a bit of quality time etc.

Or just to be open and honest about how you would like to mark the day, or whether or not you would (truthfully) like a gift or not.

[Leanin15yearsmaybe]

I got nada, they didn't even acknowledge the day. After breaking up the 100th fight today I told them it was Mother's Day...'oh yeah, sorry, made a card at school but left it there'...fighting continues 🙄

[CantSleepClownsWillEatMe]

Mother's Day/Fathers day are something you either opt into as a family or you don't. If you choose not to then fine, you know where you stand and won't be disappointed when cards or little gifts/tokens of appreciation aren't forthcoming. Likewise your partner shouldn't get the hump if Father's Day passes without any acknowledgement. If however you do choose to celebrate these days, as we do in my family, then yes it is hurtful to be overlooked! The same applies to birthdays or Christmas.

It's not actually that difficult for Ops DH (or anyone else's) to switch their brain on and choose a small gift from the dc. Presumably he has some idea whether she likes chocolate, would enjoy a bottle of wine or has allergies that would suggest a bunch of flowers might not be the best idea? They are after all a couple!

Ok Op said not to go to any bother which I personally wouldn't take to mean "don't bother at all " but I can see that it might be ambiguous. Really though why ask? It's a day that generally warrants a card and token gift or a gesture such as breakfast in bed. Could he not have just had a little think for 5 seconds and bought her something from their child or helped her make or buy a small gift?

Oh and the batch of posters who seem to come on every bloody year with their faux confusion but you're not his mother?? I don't believe any of you are this thick. It's really not difficult to work out that small children generally don't have access to money or the freedom to wander to the shops to buy gifts therefore the adults in their lives are usually the ones to take charge of that. If one adult can't be arsed demonstrating to their children that it's nice to take the opportunity to show love and appreciation towards someone else (when this is something the family traditionally opt into) then yes, that might be disappointing and could make a person feel very taken for granted.

[CocoLoco87]

Put it down to trial and error this year. Next year when he asks, give him some suggestions. Not everyone has to prompt their DH/DP but some do! Rather you give him some ideas than end up disappointed. Always better to be upfront and honest.

[rubyroo31]

If it makes you feel any better I too haven't had a great day. my husband asked me a few days ago what I would like for Mother's Day and I said just a little bit of a lie in and cup of tea in bed would be nice. Well I got neither of those things as he went out with the lads (they are actually middle aged men who still think they are teenagers) drinking all day and finally turned up at 2.30 this morning not knowing who he was, waking me up as he couldn't find his key. I have been running around all day after our 4 kids and him because he is so 'unwell' and he states 'I am never drinking again' if I had a £1 for every time I've heard that .....Happy Mothering Sunday everyone!

[GlitterGlue]

I also got fuck all. I'm really hurt that oh couldn't be bothered to pop to the shops with dc and buy me a packet of sweets. Apparently he hasn't had time. He's had a fucking year. Managed to find time to buy mil a lovely gift though.

I really wanted a nice weekend so I do sympathise.

[dimdommilpot]

My mum organsied some chocolates from the girls. OH didnt arranged for them to get me anything. He never does. DD2 saw some mummy pig PJs she told him about as she wanted to get me them but it was ignored. DD1 wanted to make me breakfast in bed. Again this was ignored. I am pretty used to him being so useless. He got the lie in this morning and i paid for coffee and cakes we took his mum out for.

[bunnylove99]

OP, I feel for you . But, DHs take things literally. If you say 'don't bother' they won't. Go make up with him and get it together for next year. Hint in advance what you would like, and if you see evidence it's happening just tell him!

[bunnylove99]

for all you hard working and under appreciated mums. You will be rewarded in heaven I'm sure....or possibly even by next Mothers day if you make a big enough fuss about today. Don't do another thing today. Let them all get up in the morning to no ironed shirts, school uniforms, breakfast, packed lunches and hopefully by Tuesday they will appreciate you more.

[rubyroo31]

Obviously men have less time than us women??! Father's Day is coming up......at the end of the day some (not all) men are selfish and still children themselves, so still need a 'mummy' to think/act for them! That's my experience anyway, but I am married to a selfish t**t.