No Mother's Day present

[titianlove]

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

[cordelia16]

Just wanted to say thank gods for Husky on this thread!! Seems to be the only one who truly gets it. Husband should buy something for his wife ON BEHALF OF their child/ren until such a time that the child/ren can do it solo. Getting your wife a present on behalf of the child does not then make the wife his mother! How are ppl not understanding this?

[Writermom22]

Why is it that when you say "oh, it's ok, don't go to any trouble" to a man when spending money or getting off their ass is involved, they listen.

Any other time you speak, they fuckin' ignore every twatting word and do whatever the hell they want.

[keffie12]

Men are very black & white. If you say ''you don't want anything'' they take that as it is what you meant. Hence he doesn't bother

[Shona52]

Do the same to him this Father's Day. Maybe he will get it then

[Sally1963]

On my first ever Mother's Day I didn't get anything, not even a card. DS was 3 months old. I was trying to shrug it off, saying it was "fine" (it wasnt). DH caught me crying in the kitchen and went out and bought me a card. He said he "didn't think of me as a mother". I had bought cards for both of our mothers. It still hurts 25 years on. He didn't make that mistake again though.

[booellesmum]

You really have to be specific with men and kids.
I told my DH for years to make sure the kids had made a card a school and if not take them to get one.
Not fussed about presents but would always let him know what the kids should make me for breakfast in bed!
This year the kids (15 and 12) went for cards on their own after school, they made me a cake - I was banned from the kitchen, and they made me scrambled egg on toast and tea for breakfast.
I would rather have them spend the time and effort than money - and the cake was lovely!

[BlahBlahBlahEtc]

I bought myself a box of chocolates and some Baileys. I didn't get anything else from the dp (dd is 2). I didn't expect to though hence the self purchase ;)

[pollymere]

Not bragging, merely pointing out that I said just use up one of the cards and maybe dd can choose some flowers? Got beautiful flowers, macarons from m&s, breakfast in bed and my dd aged 11 cooked me my favourites for lunch. It's also Mothering Sunday in our house so not a hallmark holiday.

[hks]

i would not make a big deal of him on "father's day" when it comes

[hks]

i forgot to say my Father gave my daughter £5 to get me card and gift and she spent money on herself. when asked what she had bought she replied i had already made something instead A card at school lol

[thatdearoctopus]

You really have to be specific with men and kids

No, you have to be specific with SOME men. Don't infantilise an entire gender, just because yours might be hapless.

she spent money on herself. You're laughing at that???! I'd be livid - not at the lack of gift, but that she had been so deceitful. He gave her that money in good faith. That's appalling!!

[passingthrough1]

My son is a baby. When he's older I'm sure he'll make a card at nursery etc but obviously has no idea now. I told my DP that I did not want to "do" Mother's Day as I think it is silly for him to get me stuff (I am not his mother). I got nothing, as expected.
If I'd wanted him to get me a fake present from the baby I'd have told him.

[ImpetuousBride]

Ok, it is Mother's Day afterall, so naturally he will buy his mother a gift. He doesn't have to get you anything, but asking you was thoughtful. You told him not to bother and in a typical male fashion he didn't. You are BU.

[Koolchique]

O dear. Cheer up. Men and women don't think the same. He asked and you should've said what you wanted. At least he still gave you a card.

He's known his mum for longer and he'd probably know what she'd like. He's probably 'discovering you', and you've given the impression you don't really care about Mothering Sunday. Get ready for next year...

Hugs 🤗

[jessebuni]

My husband never remembers Mother's Day even when he sees me remembering to get my mother and his mother presents/cards etc. My children are now 4 and 8 and he has yet to remember Mother's Day and him remembering my birthday is also a bit iffy. I mean I sort of feel sorry for your partner because you did say not to bother and men aren't exactly great at appreciating anyone without prodding soooo... but yes it can feel a bit of a let down to get nothing. Although one year after he forgot my birthday and our anniversary that was 8 days later I got a little revenge by buying myself a new games console for £280 As my birthday/anniversary present to myself 😂

[raviolidreaming]

No, she isn't is mother, she is the mother of his children, therefore, for THEM to celebrate Mothers Day with her, HE needs to get off his fucking arse and make an effort on THEIR behalf, so that the child can have something to give his wife on Mothers day

I agree with this entirely.

[cherish123]

It has become too much. M day is not about ostentatious presents from a spouse. A homemade card from a three year old is enough. It is not your birthday.

[Lovingit81]

Rubbish husband! Sorry no other comment. Poor you, I'm sure your three year old worships you xx have some cake

[sandelf]

You are hurting yourself with this. He took you at your word. Unfortunately some people do this. Resolve to be clearer in future and move on. He has not hurt you, your expectations have let you be hurt by something that is really 'nothing' - or even worse - the stupid pressures of advertisers. I really have been round this one myself with similar thing over wedding anniversaries - you cannot 'win' it because the hurt comes from your own expectation. Forgive yourself, forgive him, get on with life.

[Moomintoes]

Annoys me when people (inc my OH) say I'm not his mum.
This may be true but I carried his children for 9 months, gave birth to them and they want to get me something but are too young to. Plus I send his mum something from him!

[Jo7Jo7]

YANBU - "don't go to any bother" and "don't bother" are definitely different things. The former meaning don't go out of your way and make a big fuss, the latter being don't do anything. As he was in the shop anyway it wouldn't have been any bother to pick up a bunch of flowers or some chocs on behalf of your child.

I didn't tell OH not to bother and he left me sitting in the car with the baby on Saturday evening whilst him and 4yo dd went into the shop to get his mum something and pick up some croissants for breakfast. So I was sort of expecting a little something - but not a sausage. Fortunately the kids had done me a card each at nursery which were both lovely.

[ManOfKent]

Ladies, your men are thoughtless idiots and you better get used it it, because they won't change until you're halfway down the path carrying your suitcases....and even then they may need to be here nary before seeking my sense.
The only thing that'll bring about the change needed is good old communication. Tell them you're really hurt that the are not more thoughtful and if it happens next year you'll re-evaluate your life. But if they don't change then you still have the choice: leave or stay, but at least you'll know they are a proper git and don't really love you!

[limon]

Yabu. You told him not to bother and he didn't.

[AnnaCarr]

Have you read the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'? It would explain his behavior and your feelings towards it and then his reaction to your feelings....I feel incredibly lucky that I read the book when I was free and single and wanting a relationship and the bloke I then met had also just read the book for the same reasons. We started dating, have been together 7 years (not married because neither of us can see the point in a wedding and have other things to do..) and are expecting our first baby together. We agreed from the start of our relationship to be honest with one another over this kind of stuff so yesterday in the car we had a discussion about Mothers Day and would I be expecting a pressie next year (the baby will be around 10months old) and I said 'yes' he explained that he did not expect anything for Fathers Day until the baby was old enough to appreciate him himself (baby is a boy) and old enough to do a card/pressie himself. I said 'tough, you are going to get a fathers day pressie even when he's not old enough because he will love you and appreciate you even if he can't express it and so will I and you'll be a fantastic father and therefore I'll buy you a gift and remind our son that it's Fathers Day when he's old enough' - he now knows that he's expected to do the same on Mothers Day. We've sometimes had occasions (anniversaries, valentines day) when we can't think what to buy each other and we've bought ourselves a 'joint pressie' e.g. a picture in frame from both of us to both of us or times when we've agreed to do 'cards only' - however that means exactly what it means - if one of us was to break that the other would feel guilty and bad and then we'd never believe each other when we made the same agreement next time. My advice is read the book - afterwards you won't expect your male partner to be a mindreader!

[MissSeventies]

I think TBH some people are being a bit unfair. While I don't have time to read every comment I have picked up a few along the lines of, you are not his mother, it is a made up holiday etc. I didn't see, but am sure it is in there somewhere, that you are being 'grabby'.

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable. My DH didn't 'do' mother's day in his house so it is always a limited affair here. When we were children my Dad always did something on our behalf. Not huge but at least flowers and chocolates, we would bake a cake perhaps. Now we are adults he does not get involved.

As your children are still very young I think your OH is being very unreasonable not even doing something on the children's behalf all the while fussing over his own mother taking the we don't 'do' it card off the table. There is nothing wrong with your feeling under appreciated that he does nothing while all around you you see people getting a fuss made over them.