No Mother's Day present

[titianlove]

I feel like an eejit but my husband asked me what I wanted for Mother's Day and I batted him off with och don't go to any bother so I got a card and nothing else. I wouldn't dream of doing that to him on Father's Day. I'm just a bit disappointed that I work my arse off full time for the family and this is how appreciated I am. I know ibu but I'm just a bit sad. He's fucked off in a huff because he can see I'm a bit upset.

[car5ys]

I didn't see either of my kids on Sunday as was working. When I got home dd was at work but on the side were 2 cards and several small gifts not mega bucks but things I really like. I knew my dd had chosen them as she knows what I like. I usually answer (when asked what I'd like for mothers day/birthday/Christmas etc) help around the house, your rooms kept tidy and the odd meal cooked . But that never happens so getting a few little treats is lovely. As for the OH he has absolutely no idea what I like and for the last couple of years hasn't even bothered with a card let alone a gift on my birthday selfish tit

[moyesp]

I'm doubling with laughter. I did that on my birthday and at Christmas. I said if you carn't buy me what I asked for don't bother. So he didn't. Son actually said "You got a lot to learn about women dad." And promptly brought me the gift.

That was 20 years ago. Been telling him exactly what I want ever since. Men (He says this) are creatures that need to be told. They are not good at guessing.

[Pritchyx]

My DD's dad and I aren't together, however every birthday, Xmas, Father's Day I will go out of my way to get a half decent present for him...

This Mother's Day, I got a 29p card, as he left the sticker on the back and "there was flowers but I can't remember what I did with them and I ate the chocolates I bought for you when I was drunk on Friday night" arsehole.

Safe to say, come Father's Day, he's only getting a 29p card and an equally shitty excuse as a gift.

So my Mother's Day was on Monday, I picked up a nice new shiny car, then went to Tesco with DD and then bought £30 worth of flowers for £15 all picked by DD, she's very happy with her choices. We then came home, we made little fairy cakes and watched Disney DVD's until bed time! So I'll take my attempt at Mothers Day over her dads shite attempt

[Shesaid]

Ahh.. the rituals of 21C relationships. I get your grief - it's easy to undervalue mothering. And we are sometimes complicit because we want to be seen as 'equal' in the jobs market and able to mother as a sort of side show. Lots of mixed messages.

I've learnt to perfect the 'oh don't bother' with a look that says, "don't you dare forget, where would you be without your mother'?

My man took more or less the same route as yours, then he noticed the Ladybird Book 'Five Forget Mothers Day" and got the bigger picture : )

My son forgot - for acceptable, crisis reasons - but promised to make up for it. Of course I told him 'not to worry'. But he's played the game many years and said 'I will though'.

[SoupDragon]

A "do over"? Seriously??

[newshiny]

I'd be frank and say something along the lines of "i didn't think i wanted anything, but when the day came and went, i was disappointed by my decision. I'd appreciate a do-over, could you and the kids please 'surprise' me with some flowers and/or chocolates, and i can enjoy mother's day, a week late?"

It's not his fault for taking you at your word, and it's not your fault for not realising how you'd feel.

And remember next year to remind him to do something nice for you for mother's day.

[Nerdymum83]

I'd be happy if my husband at least remembered it was mothers day.
My children are too young to know what the day really means yet as they are only 3 and 15 months old. My husband didn't even notice what day it was, even if you remind him he won't mention it. He didn't get anything for me on behalf of the children either. The only person who wished me a happy mothers day was my own mum. And I had to send a present from him to his mum and text her happy mothers day (pretending to be him), before reminding him wish his mum a happy mothers day. I never miss birthdays or Fathers day, but he always forgets about me _;;

[user1476641978]

Ignore the bitter ones on here OP. YANBU. Just don't bother with him on Father's Day.

[TittyGolightly]

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mothering_Sunday

[TittyGolightly]

It's not, it's a Christian celebration of Mother's because of Mary. It's called Mothering Sunday and is an important part of the church calendar. Unlike Father's Day, which is a 'Hallmark' invention

Oh dear.

It's was about mother churches, not human mothers, for a start. How many people do you think still follow that, given the falling number of Christians.

Hallmark has stolen it and filled the gap.

[Mrseft]

I'm a bit torn on this one. Men don't read between the lines and I think he just took you literally for your word, however I also agree he wouldn't have really been going to any bother given he was in a shop buying gifts for his own mother.

I made it clear to hubby I expect a card and a small, thoughtful gift from our little one that doesn't have to cost the earth or anything, it could even just be a bar of my favourite chocolate (that I don't buy often) or something she's made, a picture she's painted etc because she is too small to do it herself so requires his help. Once she is old enough to make things by herself with materials provided or is in school then he's off the hook anyway.

Hilariously he's even misunderstood that and I got a card that read "to my wife on mother's day" and not one from my little haha! Bless his soul he's trying! I put the time and the effort into making sure he has a fathers day gift and card from our daughter and I'd be upset if he didn't make the same effort for me. But men just don't think like that.

But seriously, for those saying "You're not his mother" do you really expect a three year old to comprehend mothers day and have the ability to do much about it alone?

[FrizzyMcFrizzface]

Mothers, apostrophe shouldn't have been there. I give up

[FrizzyMcFrizzface]

Sorry, that was for Titty, the 'reply' didn't work obviously

[FrizzyMcFrizzface]

It's not, it's a Christian celebration of Mother's because of Mary. It's called Mothering Sunday and is an important part of the church calendar. Unlike Father's Day, which is a 'Hallmark' invention.

[Lucyellen81]

No, he should have got you something. 40 weeks of carrying the baby then pushing it out into this crazy world equates to absolute commitment to Mothers on just 1 day of the year. My EX who doesn't really like me all that much still got me perfume, teddy bears, chocolates a comical this Mom runs on love and caffeine mug cards from the kids AND one from him saying thank you etc and he did it so the kids know appreciation of me. Not for hallmark or whatever card shop. He made sure they understand you have to cherish your Mother. Everyone needs special time and wants to feel the love xx

[MissSeventies]

I think TBH some people are being a bit unfair. While I don't have time to read every comment I have picked up a few along the lines of, you are not his mother, it is a made up holiday etc. I didn't see, but am sure it is in there somewhere, that you are being 'grabby'.

OP I don't think you are being unreasonable. My DH didn't 'do' mother's day in his house so it is always a limited affair here. When we were children my Dad always did something on our behalf. Not huge but at least flowers and chocolates, we would bake a cake perhaps. Now we are adults he does not get involved.

As your children are still very young I think your OH is being very unreasonable not even doing something on the children's behalf all the while fussing over his own mother taking the we don't 'do' it card off the table. There is nothing wrong with your feeling under appreciated that he does nothing while all around you you see people getting a fuss made over them.

[AnnaCarr]

Have you read the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus'? It would explain his behavior and your feelings towards it and then his reaction to your feelings....I feel incredibly lucky that I read the book when I was free and single and wanting a relationship and the bloke I then met had also just read the book for the same reasons. We started dating, have been together 7 years (not married because neither of us can see the point in a wedding and have other things to do..) and are expecting our first baby together. We agreed from the start of our relationship to be honest with one another over this kind of stuff so yesterday in the car we had a discussion about Mothers Day and would I be expecting a pressie next year (the baby will be around 10months old) and I said 'yes' he explained that he did not expect anything for Fathers Day until the baby was old enough to appreciate him himself (baby is a boy) and old enough to do a card/pressie himself. I said 'tough, you are going to get a fathers day pressie even when he's not old enough because he will love you and appreciate you even if he can't express it and so will I and you'll be a fantastic father and therefore I'll buy you a gift and remind our son that it's Fathers Day when he's old enough' - he now knows that he's expected to do the same on Mothers Day. We've sometimes had occasions (anniversaries, valentines day) when we can't think what to buy each other and we've bought ourselves a 'joint pressie' e.g. a picture in frame from both of us to both of us or times when we've agreed to do 'cards only' - however that means exactly what it means - if one of us was to break that the other would feel guilty and bad and then we'd never believe each other when we made the same agreement next time. My advice is read the book - afterwards you won't expect your male partner to be a mindreader!

[limon]

Yabu. You told him not to bother and he didn't.

[ManOfKent]

Ladies, your men are thoughtless idiots and you better get used it it, because they won't change until you're halfway down the path carrying your suitcases....and even then they may need to be here nary before seeking my sense.
The only thing that'll bring about the change needed is good old communication. Tell them you're really hurt that the are not more thoughtful and if it happens next year you'll re-evaluate your life. But if they don't change then you still have the choice: leave or stay, but at least you'll know they are a proper git and don't really love you!

[Jo7Jo7]

YANBU - "don't go to any bother" and "don't bother" are definitely different things. The former meaning don't go out of your way and make a big fuss, the latter being don't do anything. As he was in the shop anyway it wouldn't have been any bother to pick up a bunch of flowers or some chocs on behalf of your child.

I didn't tell OH not to bother and he left me sitting in the car with the baby on Saturday evening whilst him and 4yo dd went into the shop to get his mum something and pick up some croissants for breakfast. So I was sort of expecting a little something - but not a sausage. Fortunately the kids had done me a card each at nursery which were both lovely.

[Moomintoes]

Annoys me when people (inc my OH) say I'm not his mum.
This may be true but I carried his children for 9 months, gave birth to them and they want to get me something but are too young to. Plus I send his mum something from him!

[sandelf]

You are hurting yourself with this. He took you at your word. Unfortunately some people do this. Resolve to be clearer in future and move on. He has not hurt you, your expectations have let you be hurt by something that is really 'nothing' - or even worse - the stupid pressures of advertisers. I really have been round this one myself with similar thing over wedding anniversaries - you cannot 'win' it because the hurt comes from your own expectation. Forgive yourself, forgive him, get on with life.

[Lovingit81]

Rubbish husband! Sorry no other comment. Poor you, I'm sure your three year old worships you xx have some cake

[cherish123]

It has become too much. M day is not about ostentatious presents from a spouse. A homemade card from a three year old is enough. It is not your birthday.

[raviolidreaming]

No, she isn't is mother, she is the mother of his children, therefore, for THEM to celebrate Mothers Day with her, HE needs to get off his fucking arse and make an effort on THEIR behalf, so that the child can have something to give his wife on Mothers day

I agree with this entirely.