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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why do men get so possessive around BBQs? (Lighthearted!)

22 replies

Terfinator · 25/03/2017 23:49

Why do some men act as if barbecuing is the most skilled hobby there is?

We are planning a family BBQ next month. My mum will be cleaning the big BBQ next weekend as my stepdad wants to have a practice before the big event . Everytime we have a family BBQ, all the men stand around the BBQ whilst my stepdad tells them all his BBQ secrets and they "ah!" and "Yes!" enthusiastically. This gets repeated at various houses throughout the summer, always with men.

I'm veggie, but I really don't think that barbecuing is that special or difficult? In fact, I think it usually tastes the same from a frying pan! I would never dare say this though...

OP posts:

GreyStars · 25/03/2017 23:52

I've been watching Dexter for the first time and he had a great explanation

"The backyard barbecue, it's a holdover from the last Ice Age when food was scarce and men had to work together to take down a large beast. Those who worked well with others survived and their genes have been passed down through the centuries until they landed here, in this, my community."

Of course he looks at them like they are all mad and should possibly be murdered

Titsywoo · 25/03/2017 23:52

Man cook meat over fire just like cave man. Or something like that

humblesims · 25/03/2017 23:52

Youre not wrong. My brother who doesnt know how to open a tin of beans insists on being the only one skilled enough to handle the oversized overpriced industrial barbeque he owns . Hillarious.

Flowerfae · 25/03/2017 23:57

Their inner cave-man makes an appearance :D :D

MimsyFluff · 26/03/2017 00:23

My DH will start off over the BBQ then i seem to take over whist he sits or plays with the DC but we BBQ at least weekly in the summer

nancy75 · 26/03/2017 00:26

Dp is Australian, that's all the explanation you need!

Pallisers · 26/03/2017 00:34

My mum will be cleaning the big BBQ next weekend as my stepdad wants to have a practice before the big event

Why isn't your step dad cleaning it? I know this is lighthearted and I agree that most men love BBQ because it is all fire and meat and glory but... you did post in AIBU so seriously why is your mum cleaning the big bbq so her husband can perform?

And in the spirit of AIBU, men love bbq because it is a one-off, rare event that is about performance and thanks not day to day drudgery and no thanks (rest of cooking). But in fairness neither dh nor I enjoy bbqing. Nor do we clean the bbq very well either so what do I know.

nancy75 · 26/03/2017 00:37

To be fair Dp cooks almost every day in the summer, the BBQ comes out it doesn't go back for months, it's not an occasional thing in our house!

Asmoto · 26/03/2017 00:37

I have the opposite experience - I'm always the one stuck messing about with petrol trying to get the thing to light, and then left tending the sausages while the men sit round drinking beer . I'd welcome a male barbecue hogger in my life!

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2017 00:42

It's no different really to the generations of women who chase 'the men' out of 'their' kitchen and insist on cooking and baking everything themselves

My grandad was a great cook, but he would never risk breaking my grandmother's heart by simply cooking a Sunday roast or a Christmas dinner for the family.

It honestly would have upset her to realise it wasn't the massive deal she made it out to be

WorraLiberty · 26/03/2017 00:43

I should add that after she died, he often invited us all round for Sunday dinner and yes, he was indeed a great cook!

BartholinsSister · 26/03/2017 00:49

Asmoto please don't mess about with petrol trying to get the thing to light

Seren85 · 26/03/2017 00:56

I noticed an odd thing with mates in that the women BBQ and the blokes drink beer right until it's ready then they all turn up like oh look meat! I totally get it though, my DF is exactly the same despite only ever cooking chips if my DM is working late. Man make for meat, I guess, although I dislike the reductionist theory of it!

Asmoto · 26/03/2017 02:07

Bartholin I probably put that rather too flippantly; in reality, I do take reasonable precautions not to burn myself.

ForestDad · 26/03/2017 02:12

I like BBQing but I don't take it to the shrine-like level of the Weber smoker crowd. Just a cheap one from Argos with some proper charcoal. Also I cook "normally" so it's not a novelty. I have been known to take over a friends BBQ once because he was doing such as crap job - burning sausages and serving "medium rare" chicken.
Men do like fire though, and in a sweeping MN suicidal moment I'm going to say that the distraction allows a slower pace of conversation than when women are "catching up"!

MarsInScorpio · 26/03/2017 03:23

This is Mr MarsInScorpio (she passed me her iPad as I wanted to reply).

My wife and I are both fine cooks although I enjoy it more than her so do more of it. I really enjoy cooking savoury whereas she's a much better baker. This is due to her attention to detail whereas men tend to like a "bit-o-this, bit-o-that" approach I've found.

Men also tend to like stuff. Getting it, thinking about it, talking about it and then experimenting and comparing results. Different wood chips, charcoals, rubs, marinades...

For an extra man-card, I welded a BBQ for myself. Gas BBQs aren't real BBQs. I light mine with a charcoal chimney.

I think a large part of it is it is seen as a manly thing to do and therefore not doing it in front of your mates (for a social event) wouldn't be on. The sexes should be treated equally but if one of us has to get smoke in their eyes, charcoal in their nose and hot meat fat spat at them, both me and and my wife would rather it was me.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 26/03/2017 08:11

I remember attending a barbecue some years ago.
The husband insisted on cooking, but his wife spent the whole time next to him being asked if things were done or not.
Well, in between her rushing about to sort all the other food and look after their children.
I don't mind dh doing the BBQ because he can actually cook, but my dad is hopeless. My parents did a BBQ one Sunday when I was pg with my first child. Had to keep putting stuff back on as it was raw in the middle. My dad just looked a bit baffled.

Original poster

Terfinator · 26/03/2017 15:13

It's quite nice today actually. Anyone having a BBQ?

OP posts:

StarryIllusion · 26/03/2017 15:21

I do the barbecuing in this house. Dp only does it if I feel a particular urge to munch pure carbon.

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 26/03/2017 15:26

My DP isn't allowed near my BBQ we are a weird couple
In fairness my grandad showed me how to BBQ meat, my dad growing up always burnt everything though it was usually raw in the middle and my mom hated BBQs so I always did it for them to once I was old enough. I can understand the fire+meat excitement 😂

BagittoGo · 26/03/2017 15:33

My OH bought an all singing and all dancing BBQ last summer and I refuse to touch it. Funny how we have fewer BBQs when he has to do all the cleaning of it!

SWOTAnalysis · 26/03/2017 16:08

It's quite nice today actually. Anyone having a BBQ?

Pork short ribs and sirloin.

Sweetcorn and steamed (on the hob) then BBQ'd sweet potatoes.

Mmmm.

In our house, cooker is the washer-upper so a win-win for me. On the other hand, I think he looks hot but now he's into his 2nd bottle of red, sex is probably off the cards.

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