Work colleague hasn't responded. AIBU to wonder how the hell she doesn't it

[user1489943514]

I have a work colleague who can lack a filter at times and sometimes comes out with things that she shouldn't and that offends.

This week two older members of staff have been blanking her and firing orders loudly at her. If that was me I'd have smacked them by now

She's just sat ignoring them. Literally not reacting at all and continuing to go about her day (well evening). It's as if they're not even there!

She really doesn't give two hoots.

I would love to be more like this but I don't think I have it in me and would have blanked them back or got annoyed.

How do you think someone gets the skills to react like my work colleague? Is it not more effective to stand up for yourself?

AIBU to be amazed by this and how does one get the skills to stay calm?

I could do that. It's not that she doesn't give two hoots, more determination not to show that they are upsetting her. She may well need a friend or a kindly ear, your other work colleagues sound awful.

What has their age got to do with anything?

I don't think she cares. Just sees them as immature.

I'd be upset but you can tell she just isn't interested in dealing with them.

This sounds awful - is there not a manager or supervisor to prevent this kind of behaviour?

Although I've never worked in that kind of environment, I might well do what your colleague is doing; but it wouldn't necessarily mean that it wasn't cutting me the quick, and that I wouldn't go home and sink my face into my hands.

I very rarely react outwardly to people I don't know well. I'm much more likely to 'shut down.'

cutting me to the quick

Isn't it her in the OP who has no filter and says things which often.offend?

They all sound classy tbh.

three great work colleagues you have there op

I do not react either. I do it because it really annoys people when they do not get a reaction. I really do not give 2 hoots about immature/brash behaviour of work colleagues. I put my superior judgey pants on (mentally) and rise above it all.

I do my job, I go home, I get paid every month - enabling me to do stuff I want with people I love to spend time with.

I can do that (the not reacting thing). It's because I really, genuinely don't care. I'm not a person who gets emotionally involved with a lot of people or situations. What I do care about, I feel deeply, but the rest I am pretty much indifferent to.

This week two older members of staff have been blanking her and firing orders loudly at her. If that was me I'd have smacked them by now blush

Why? Are they annoyed at something she's done or just bullies?

She's just sat ignoring them

That would be me. People say nothing ever rattles me, and I have the outward appearance of extreme couldn't give a fuck calm even in very stressful/challenging situations.

But actually, in the situation you describe, I would probably feel very upset/under attack and have shut down/withdrawn as a coping mechanism.

Are you sure colleague is as nonchalant as she seems? It sounds unpleasant.

This was the coping mechanism I developed in my teens when I was bullied very badly. I acted like I couldn't even hear them, because I didn't want them to see they were hurting me. Even non-bullies began calling me 'Ice Queen' and the like.

Fifteen years on I still find it very difficult to show any vulnerability. I don't consider it a strength.

Well I am guessing she is in a bit of a day dream and is filtering them out. More successfully than she filters her own mouth when she repeats things.

She should be pulled up on embarrassing behavior, as and when.

They (the two shouties) should be anonymously reported to their superiors for rude (maybe bullying or abusive behavior) in the work place.

ThreeLeggedHaggis please get some help, get counselling for this. Bullying should not make you behave like this all these years later. Please get help.

This was the coping mechanism I developed in my teens when I was bullied very badly

Likewise. Bullies want a reaction and it pisses them off if they don't get one. As I've got older I've got to the stage where I really don't care what some people think at all. Their good opinion just isn't worth having.

You should speak to your manager and tell them what you've observed. They can then deal with the situation appropriately.

So what did she do/say to p**s them off in the first place?

I love ignoring ridiculous behaviour like that, it's quite powerful on its own. I try to get my DD's to ignore such behaviour too, it's just not worth the energy giving people the reaction they are trying to get