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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DD go topless in the swimming pool

217 replies

Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:27

Going swimming on Sunday and I suspect DD will want to wear just the shorts of her shorts and top swimming outfit....she asked to take the top off last time we went swimming but we were in a place with slides so I could justify keeping it on. This week there won't be slides so I've got to decide what to do.

DD is 5 yo so absolutely no reason she shouldn't go topless (not that there is ever really a sound reason women shouldn't go topless if they want to), and I don't want to send any body shame ideas her way. I am worried that someone else will tell her she should wear a top though. Either a lifeguard or an interfering busy body, and it will be worse coming from them than me.

So should I bury my morals and tell her to wear the top / make some excuse up etc. or let her go without and run the risk someone else body shames her more transparently than I will?

Do you think anyone will say anything?

She has long hair so people will likely pick her as a girl.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2017 23:32

I don't think someone thinking a girl of five should wear a top is body shaming.

I would not want my five year old dd going about without a top on.

I would not tell other people's give year old children what to do.

Do what you think is right for you. There is no harm in a young girl going topless but eventually she will be putting a top on so to my mind there is no real benefit in elongating the process.

But I am not a big fan of nudity or semi nudity! So feel free to ignore me, Morphene.

Notcontent · 17/03/2017 23:36

She is 5? Of course it's fine to have no top. From 8 onwards I would suggest a top.

Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:36

no problem with that if you'd also insist a boy wears a top.....

can't think when I last saw a 5 yo boy wearing one at our pool though!

OP posts:
PurpleTraitor · 17/03/2017 23:38

It is fine to have no top on. I can't think anyone will notice tbh. Think of the beach - surely 90% of kids there have barely got sandy knickers on. She's five, it's OK.

Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:38

The thing is she will definitely go there. If I say, 'probably better to wear the top', she will point at all the people not wearing tops and ask why she has to if they aren't....I just KNOW it.

It will end up body/girl shaming and sexist. Unless I can come up with a cunning ruse.....

OP posts:
Iwantawhippet · 17/03/2017 23:39

Let her wear what she wants. There is nothing to cover! Why should anyone care? If anyone does say anything you can explain that she chose not to wear the top.

Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:39

yes, weirdly I feel it would be more acceptable at a beach. God I hate this internalised patriarchy bullshit.

OP posts:
Bloodybridget · 17/03/2017 23:40

Why on earth should a five year old girl wear a top unless she wants to? If she was mine and someone commented on it, I'd be extremely pissed off.

waterrat · 17/03/2017 23:41

A 5 year old does not need a top.

Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:41

iwant I'm just worried that she will really take it to heart if someone comments on it.

She stopped wearing a batman suit because someone told her it was for boys and started wearing it again when someone else told her they missed seeing her in it....she is just too receptive to the opinions of others and full of burgeoning insecurities

OP posts:
Properjob · 17/03/2017 23:41

Can I just say that in France is his would not be an issue as girls don't always wear tops til puberty Not that we are in France Hmm

Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2017 23:43

Morphene "no problem with that if you'd also insist a boy wears a top....."

Is that to me?

If so, not relevant to me. Men can go topless in our culture, it's cultural. I don't like it in any situation but the beach or the pool, but it is considered culturally appropriate because many men don't have boobs.

If you do not agree with all this then by all means let your child go as topless as they like. But for me part of caring for children is helping them to fit in and eventually most girls do not go topless in our culture.

Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2017 23:44

PS my son (6) wears an all in one! It' a total pain, trunks would be much easier for toilet breaks when swimming!

coconuttella · 17/03/2017 23:45

She's 5 yo. Of course she doesn't need to wear at top! If anyone comments that she should be wearing a top, they would be very odd imo.

Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2017 23:45

"I just KNOW it." If you want her to go topless, let her.

"It will end up body/girl shaming and sexist. Unless I can come up with a cunning ruse..." I am not sure why you think this is body shaming.

Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:45

italian indeed...but its cultural to pay men more than women and have jobs for the boys and jobs for the girls too.

Doesn't mean I'm keen to introduce my DD to these ideas when she is 5yo.

OP posts:
Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:46

If you have chosen your clothes or lack thereof and someone comes and tells you that you should cover yourself up, how is it NOT body shaming?

Of course telling a child to hide their body is body shaming.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2017 23:46

"I'm just worried that she will really take it to heart if someone comments on it." Then you need to work with her so she has the strength of her own convictions.

coconuttella · 17/03/2017 23:46

....men don't have boobs.

Neither do 5 year olds....

user1489189598 · 17/03/2017 23:47

Get her an all-in-one swimming costume.

Whilst I agree with PPs that there's nothing to cover at the age of 5, I think there's a difference between the beach (fine to be topless at any age whatever sex) and a municipal pool.

Maybe check with the facility what their rules are before you go?

Original poster
Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:48

Thats why we got a split top and bottom this time. To much jeffing faff with the all in ones. AND it has a tiger on it.

OP posts:
SoulAccount · 17/03/2017 23:49

Anyone who thinks a 5 year old girl needs to wear a top for swimming is quite simply weird, IMO.

Surely no one would comment on any such thing.

coconuttella · 17/03/2017 23:49

Maybe check with the facility what their rules are before you go?

I can't believe that any public pool in the U.K. Would have a rule insisting that a 5 year old girl covers her chest... that would be both ridiculous and open to legal challenge.

Italiangreyhound · 17/03/2017 23:50

Morphene "she is just too receptive to the opinions of others and full of burgeoning insecurities" all kids are, or at least most are. But like the batman outfit positive things can affirm.

For me there is little positive about a girl not having to wear a top but there is lots positive about a girl in a batman suit. Sounds like you are more convinced by the batman suit than the topless thing.

"italian indeed...but its cultural to pay men more than women and have jobs for the boys and jobs for the girls too." I'm not sure I would agree these things were simply cultural, the basis for women wearing tops is not the same as men being paid more. I really think you are on a hiding to nothing if you think women not wearing tops is some sort of liberation. IKHO.

"Doesn't mean I'm keen to introduce my DD to these ideas when she is 5yo." Not for a second thinking you should introduce your daughter to random sexism and think it is OK.

Mumgyver · 17/03/2017 23:51

Yeah, eventually most girls don't go topless in our culture so why shouldn't a 5yo make the most of it while they still have the excuse of age? She has nothing to cover up, her torso is no different to that of a boy.

Maybe if our culture didn't view women's chests as something shameful that needs to be covered up (except when it suits "the lads" and their desire to see tits) this wouldn't even need to be an issue.

many men don't have boobs.

You haven't been to the local water park on a mildly warm day, have you? Grin it's moobs a-go-go

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