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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DD go topless in the swimming pool

217 replies

Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:27

Going swimming on Sunday and I suspect DD will want to wear just the shorts of her shorts and top swimming outfit....she asked to take the top off last time we went swimming but we were in a place with slides so I could justify keeping it on. This week there won't be slides so I've got to decide what to do.

DD is 5 yo so absolutely no reason she shouldn't go topless (not that there is ever really a sound reason women shouldn't go topless if they want to), and I don't want to send any body shame ideas her way. I am worried that someone else will tell her she should wear a top though. Either a lifeguard or an interfering busy body, and it will be worse coming from them than me.

So should I bury my morals and tell her to wear the top / make some excuse up etc. or let her go without and run the risk someone else body shames her more transparently than I will?

Do you think anyone will say anything?

She has long hair so people will likely pick her as a girl.

OP posts:
Bue · 18/03/2017 05:19

But TrueBlue paedophiles are attracted to boys too... so why does a girl need a top but not a boy? The argument doesn't really hold.

nolongersurprised · 18/03/2017 05:24

I would let her go without a top. She's 5. Girls only have a few short years to be blissfully unaware of their bodies, why shorten that even more?

TrueBlueDem · 18/03/2017 05:35

Bue, I agree with what you're saying, but I'm just looking at it from a culture standpoint.

Disappointednomore · 18/03/2017 05:49

I had this whole dilemma and decided to just buy one piece swimsuits. "Bikini" tops look ridiculous on very young girls IMO

FairytalesAreBullshit · 18/03/2017 05:50

I'd go with a full swim suit too if I'm honest.

LoginInformation · 18/03/2017 06:10

The nice thing about living somewhere hot (ex-pat) is that I judge every parent who doesn't have their child well covered. Boys and girls (and men and women) tend to wear board shorts and rash vests and hats as a matter of course. I do in UK public baths too as it gets so cold!

Nobody complains about imagined sexism or body shaming.

I'd encourage my daughter to wear a top. I'd be amazed if anyone mentioned it though.

heron98 · 18/03/2017 06:16

er - she's 5? Why would she not go topless?

wonderwoof · 18/03/2017 06:27

Do not make her wear a top of she doesn't want to. I have never understood what is so offensive about my body that isn't offensive in a mans body. Why are we in such a rush to sexualise children? Seems wrong to me.

STFU · 18/03/2017 06:29

I have never understood what is so offensive about my body that isn't offensive in a mans body

I've never seen you but I assume you've an averagely unoffensive body.

Would you be happy about anyone swimming naked?

Rosa · 18/03/2017 06:41

Come to Europe where it is normal to see on sale just bottoms for girls up to the age of about 6. Dd8 will probably wear a top this year but if she doesn't nobody will blink an eye or question it. Some of her 'bikini' tops are silly triangles some are tankini style.. She wears what she wants. At a water park it tends to be a swimsuit as it stays in place better on the slides!!!

apotheke · 18/03/2017 06:50

Our local baths must be a lot colder than yours as my 5 year old boy won't go topless!

I doubt I'd really notice this, however I do notice girls this age in bikinis which looks odd. These days all the little kids I see dress much the same, long sleeved or t-shirt style swim tops and shorts or all in ones.

Mumgyver · 18/03/2017 06:53

STFU a 5yo child going topless is not the same thing as them going naked and is certainly not on par with a full grown adult going completely naked.

As for the paedophile concerns, most abused children are be abused by someone they already know. Going topless at the pool is not going to attract paedophiles or make your child more likely to be targeted by one.

STFU · 18/03/2017 06:57

Mumgyver

Why do you think that?

At what age should people cover up and why does that argument not apply to a five year old?

People have said breasts aren't a sexual organ so it can't be anything to do with keeping them covered for that reason.

wonderwoof · 18/03/2017 07:03

STFU no tbf my body is pretty offensive and if I went topless I am sure I would soon get the pool to myself! Blush

In principle though, I worry that a women's body is so sexualised- we must cover it up to prevent causing offence. It just seems so arbitrary. The purpose of a breast is to feed a baby. In our culture they have become sexual, so we must hide them in shame.

I just don't really understand why we tolerate it. I wouldn't mind people topless in the pool if they were comfortable (though I wouldn't be joining them!). I hate the fact that we have to encourage our daughters to view their own bodies with shame from such a young age.

Mumgyver · 18/03/2017 07:08

A 5yo is exempt from covering up because they are five. They have nothing to cover up, the torso of a 5yo girl is the same as the torso of a 5yo boy, two nipples and a belly button. Why is there need for a 5yo girl to cover that up when a 5yo boy isn't expected to?

CMamaof4 · 18/03/2017 07:09

I was thinking the same as true blue, I wouldn't like the thought of creepy men/paedophiles looking at her.
My daughter wears an all in one costume, and has always been happy to do so, I dont see it as body shaming, I cover my body because I dont like people seeing my body as I view it as private, Not because I am ashamed of it.

Mumgyver · 18/03/2017 07:14

A paedophile could just as easily look at your child in the supermarket or the street as they can at the pool but looking and abusing are two entirely different things because I'm presuming you don't give strangers at the pool unsupervised access to your children anyway.

mummabearfoyrbabybears · 18/03/2017 07:15

She's 5! Stop sexualising her Angry

EyeStye · 18/03/2017 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AngelsWithSilverWings · 18/03/2017 07:19

This is an interesting thread.

Firstly I'd have no problem with a 5 year old DD not wearing a top in a swimming pool , or anywhere for that matter.

On the other hand I feel very uncomfortable seeing little girls in bikini tops.

My DD begged me for a proper bikini and I always refused and used the excuse of her needing to wear a rash vest if it was hot.

When she was 7 , in a weak moment in H&M , I agreed to her buying a bikini with her pocket money. The moment she put it on during our holiday she started acting all silly and coquettish. I hid it for the rest of the holiday.

Lonnika123 · 18/03/2017 07:19

One piece in a public pool is the 'proper' thing to do.

CMamaof4 · 18/03/2017 07:21

Yes mumgyver but in the pool they have less clothes on....
I dont like the thought of a paedophile even looking at my child.. Why would I like someone perving on my little girl??Particularly when they don't have many clothes on in the swimming pool...

Leeloo2 · 18/03/2017 07:27

At my son's lessons there's a girl of about 8 who swims in just bottoms. There's no reason why she shouldn't, but it does strike me as odd. I think it's culturally ingrained that girls 'should' but there isn't reason to for small children.

My 3 yo swims in a (long, not crop top style) tankini (to make weeing easier), I thought I'd forgotten the top at her last lesson (i hadn't in the end) and it did help that I had the reference of 'the little girl at ds's lesson swims without one' so I wasn't too worried. I then briefly thought it might be uncomfortable for her teacher - there's a lot of picking the kids up and manoeuvring them to the right position - but again, why weirder for dd than the boys (a few of whom do wear all in ones admittedly)?

So op, I think by letting your dd go topless you might be helping normalise it for other people, which is good, but you do need to have a good comeback ready - even if only 'why should she cover up? She's 5?!'

STFU · 18/03/2017 07:32

wonderwoof

Where do you get this idea of shame from?

Are men who wear trunks doing so out of shame? I don't feel shame but wouldn't go topless or naked.

CMamao

Peadofear has really got to you hasn't it! It must be hard to live your life with so much paranoia.

Lonnika123 · 18/03/2017 07:39

I should have said, but buy her a swimming costume to go swimming in at the public pool. No argument, not discussion.

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