to let DD go topless in the swimming pool

[Morphene]

Going swimming on Sunday and I suspect DD will want to wear just the shorts of her shorts and top swimming outfit....she asked to take the top off last time we went swimming but we were in a place with slides so I could justify keeping it on. This week there won't be slides so I've got to decide what to do.

DD is 5 yo so absolutely no reason she shouldn't go topless (not that there is ever really a sound reason women shouldn't go topless if they want to), and I don't want to send any body shame ideas her way. I am worried that someone else will tell her she should wear a top though. Either a lifeguard or an interfering busy body, and it will be worse coming from them than me.

So should I bury my morals and tell her to wear the top / make some excuse up etc. or let her go without and run the risk someone else body shames her more transparently than I will?

Do you think anyone will say anything?

She has long hair so people will likely pick her as a girl.

But no one is answering my point - nine year old gir pre puberty in a public pool in just shorts - no way!

Why no? tIf she's pre-pubescent and feels comfortable that way?

If she has breast it is a sligthly different situation, admittedly.

Pmsl. You have just completely undermined your poor attempt at an argument (which has no logic) by attempting to patronise those who disagree by using old school class wars. Slow clap

Are you aware of the demographic of most Mumsnet members?

Have you ever heard is sarcasm wit sender !! Sorry it touched a large. Nerve. Mind that chip on your shoulder on the way out

You really are beyond. And illogical. How could I possibly have a chip on my shoulder about a situation I have never encountered? I went to public school, we could wear whatever we liked when swimming as long as we covered our bits. We live in a very expensive area, and at the pool our children go to for lessons, she is not the only one to wear shorts on occasion and no-one has commented. We go to very typical middle class (your term, not mine) enclaves on holiday, and many kids her age are just in shorts.

It is ok to disagree. At no point has anyone been rude to you, but because you disagree everyone else is bonkers and not 'nice'. And yet I have a chip on my shoulder? Methinks you don't know what that means...

Why is this an issue ?
I thought you were going to say she was 15!

Okay wit sender. I have no problem at the beach but it's not the 'done' thing around here at a public pool

Ok, but by saying that it is fine here at our public pools, doesn't make others 'bonkers'.

That's what I would be saying on my way out

Of course she does not need to wear a top - unless her puberty is extraordinarily precocious! My GC would likely go naked - they seem to be thus a lot of the time! - and good for them!

People who stick to the 'done thing' because it is the 'done thing' and no other reason are slightly bonkers imo....certainly not the way our society evolved over time! We need people to question/challenge/think/re-think/review etc

'Swimsuits must be worn' sounds reasonable if it means bottoms/ trunks/ swim shorts/ costumes / tankinis/ bikinis of choice, for all. If swimsuits means one-pieces for girls only I would write a letter!

Who really really cares???? Just buy her a one piece and then you won't have to argue!

Why is it important that her swim suit has a tiger on it?

This whole post is ridiculous.... why is it important about her having a batman suit?

My daughter likes unicorns ... and pretty things... but I don't go shouting about it... she likes what she likes.... I don't force her to wear superman costumes... I let her do what she wants and to make her own choices!

I was starkers on the beach till about 9, and I'm a late 80's child.
Dd often swims in her brothers shorts, she is nearly 3 and I don't see this changing any time soon.

I'm in the UK, but not England.

Are you in NI by any chance? I'm in Scotland, and I have certainly seen naked toddlers, including my own, on the beach , though beachwear here is normally jeans and an anorak!

The rules say 'swimsuits must be worn at all times, including in the communal changing area and showers'.

I would take that to mean no nudity and likely aimed at adults. A swimsuit for a little girl could still be swimshorts.

I don't appreciate the "peadofear" mocking... some of us WERE touched as kids and so the fear is very real for our own kids.
I really think there is no true right or wrong with this swimming top issue, it's really about your family and culture and what's "normal" for you.
Like I said back a few pages, I grew up in the States in a hippyish family and ran around my house practically naked until puberty, my parents bathed and showered with doors open, that type of thing, so skin is no big deal to me personally. When going to the beaches tho I always was in a one-piece swimsuit. I got a bikini when I was 10 and had something (but not much lol) to fill the top with. Nowadays here in the US I see lots of little girls (even baby girls) in bikinis and I agree it looks ridiculous. If I had little girls I'd put them in a one-piece. Babies and toddlers can just be in a diaper, no matter the sex IMO.
You won't see many little girls without a top here, at least not at the mid-Atlantic beaches where I live.

STFU at 4.22 excellent post (were you up late or up early?)

I'd be more inclined on the beach to have both sexes covered up (due to sun) however in an indoor pool, trunks should be fine. Even though she has long hair, doesn't mean she's a boy, some boys have long hair.

In all honesty, I'd be unimpressed with a naked anybody at the pool.

I actually personally find bikinis on little girls gross - it's really sexualising, it's like it's drawing attention to something that isn't even there yet.
Like those bizarre pictures I once saw of high heels for babies.

Are you in NI by any chance? Yes, I am.

I would take that to mean no nudity and likely aimed at adults. A swimsuit for a little girl could still be swimshorts. I can't remember the exact wording of it, it's on a poster in the changing rooms. But the illustrations and the wording certainly imply that girls are expected to be in a one piece swimsuit. I've honestly never seen a little girl, even a baby, in a swimming pool in just shorts.

As I said upthread, I don't care what other people do. I was just musing that what appears to be very normal to other people feels very strange to me, presumably because I'm not used to it.

Same, treacle

I've never personally seen a little girl in just swim shorts at the pool. Yes, it's technically possible I could have seen many short haired little girls I mistook for boys but I don't think I have.

wonderwoof why do you think covering any body part is to do with shame?sex has different meaning, the sex act but also biological sex. Girls are a different biological sex to boys so there are times when they may well wish to treat their bodies differently to males. I have no problem with girls or women being topless or men being coveres.

But the argument Doran't hold water if you keep insisting outbid about shame.

It is very unhelpful to girls and women to present covering up as shameful and being uncovered as being unashamed. IMHO it is totally counter productive.

AngelsWithSilverWings I Do tend to agree with you about bikini tops for kids. Horrible.

Italiangreyhound

STFU at 4.22 excellent post (were you up late or up early?)

Jetlagged. I'm not sure if it's early or late.

I do know I'd like to have a bottle of wine with you. Over several years you've loved or hated my posts (or messaged me thinking I'm a man pretending to be female on MN ) and nothing in between!

Trueblue very sorry to hear of your experiences. I have not had that but I too am very vigilant on behalf of my kids and find mocking this very insulting

STFU have I really thought you a man? Well ... the fact I've liked some of your posts and not liked others just proves you'be been right, some of the time!