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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let DD go topless in the swimming pool

217 replies

Morphene · 17/03/2017 23:27

Going swimming on Sunday and I suspect DD will want to wear just the shorts of her shorts and top swimming outfit....she asked to take the top off last time we went swimming but we were in a place with slides so I could justify keeping it on. This week there won't be slides so I've got to decide what to do.

DD is 5 yo so absolutely no reason she shouldn't go topless (not that there is ever really a sound reason women shouldn't go topless if they want to), and I don't want to send any body shame ideas her way. I am worried that someone else will tell her she should wear a top though. Either a lifeguard or an interfering busy body, and it will be worse coming from them than me.

So should I bury my morals and tell her to wear the top / make some excuse up etc. or let her go without and run the risk someone else body shames her more transparently than I will?

Do you think anyone will say anything?

She has long hair so people will likely pick her as a girl.

OP posts:
Runningissimple · 18/03/2017 09:16

She wore them in swimming lessons too. I think she might have been challenged. I can't really remember. I probably just made her conform for the lessons. My children are all too non-conformist by half Grin It does them good to toe the line every now and again Grin

Lonnika123 · 18/03/2017 09:18

Because Cecily at a public pool it is not normal for girls just to wear shorts - how difficult is that to understand. THe fact the OP asked the original question shows that she is aware that this is not the norm.

Billybonkers76 · 18/03/2017 09:21

Not sure why people are bringing up school uniform. It's a pool, there isn't any uniform other than suitable swimming attire.

SwimmingMom · 18/03/2017 09:22

Why not get her a tankini with a crop top & some interesting design which will make her want to keep it on. Will save you the dilemma. I used to do this when my DD was younger. But if she chooses to take it off, I'd let her go with it. Maybe have a little talk to prepare her for someone else saying it to her...something along the lines of being reminded to stick to the 'uniform' Confused

Lonnika123 · 18/03/2017 09:24

My point Billy is that there is an attire for girls it is a costume

ToastDemon · 18/03/2017 09:33

Sexist nonsense should be challenged not conformed to. Of course there is no reason why a five year old needs to cover their chest.

CecilyP · 18/03/2017 09:39

I feel like I'm in a parallel universe when i read these threads. Where I live I never see little girls in just bottoms, on the beach or in a pool, and I don't see naked children of either sex on the beach. In fact I remember the first time we took our kids to a beach in England and dh and I were so shocked when the family next to us stripped their child naked to paddle in the sea.

Where on earth do you live? Does your local pool really have a rule that little girls can't go in just pants? How is it worded. I'm imagining, all girls over 3 months must have their nonexistent breasts covered at all times.'

1horatio · 18/03/2017 09:39

My point Billy is that there is an attire for girls it is a costume

So?

Her upper body looks exactly like the one a little boy her age would have. But he isn't expected to cover up. So why is she?

I think we should treat equal things equally. No need for imo clearly sexist double standard.

halcyondays · 18/03/2017 09:42

I don't know if any local pools have a rule on this but you would never see a girl of any age just wearing swim bottoms. It just wouldn't happen. You might see someone on the beach in just pants occasionally but never at a pool.

Billybonkers76 · 18/03/2017 09:44

Lonnika, your local pool actually states that girls must wear one piece swim suits? Where do you live? Dubai? Or is it just your opinion that girls wear costumes?

CecilyP · 18/03/2017 09:46

Because Cecily at a public pool it is not normal for girls just to wear shorts - how difficult is that to understand. THe fact the OP asked the original question shows that she is aware that this is not the norm.

I'm just wondering why it isn't normal. After all, it wasn't normal for little boys as late as the 1930s

1horatio · 18/03/2017 09:47

I don't know if any local pools have a rule on this but you would never see a girl of any age just wearing swim bottoms. I don't know if any local pools have a rule on this but you would never see a girl of any age just wearing swim bottoms.

Maybe you just don't know...?

I mean, how could you know if little Charlie running around is Charles or actually Charlotte? I myself actually had short hair when I was that age (I crawled into a box and tried to cut myself a fringe...) It's not like there are physical difference whent they're this young (well, provided they wear bottoms, of course...!)

Pacha11 · 18/03/2017 09:51

She should wear a top if she has breasts. Otherwise, what is the point?

oblada · 18/03/2017 09:55

I would also let her do what she wants and I'm quite shocked at some of the responses here! I rly can't imagine any local pool having any 'rule' on this, it would be utter nonsense. Also fwiw I grew up in a country without school uniform and there was/is no problem with that. I don't particularly care for the uniform policy in the UK, I don't agree with it but my kids don't seem fazed by it so I don't give it much thought...

NoMoreAngstPls · 18/03/2017 09:56

Tbh, I would be much more likely to be secretly judgy about a small child wearing a tiny bikini top ( the bra type) than just pants.

KittyWindbag · 18/03/2017 10:00

She's just a little girl, let her wear what she wants and if anyone says anything firmly put them back in their place. I highly doubt anyone will though.

How sad the world is.

NoMoreAngstPls · 18/03/2017 10:04

But I do tend to think for girls :
All in one swimming costume for indoor pool (e,g, for swimming lessons)
Shorts or tankinis if preferred (or bikinis for adult women) for beach, outside pool.

No idea why I think that -conditioning of some sort.

Tba I am always a bit surprised to see women in little bikinis in local leisure centre pools though. Seems more if a holiday thing to me.....

Last summer at an impromptu beach stop, my 10yo went in the sea in her pants.....

Lonnika123 · 18/03/2017 10:04

But no one is answering my point - nine year old gir pre puberty in a public pool in just shorts - no way!

witsender · 18/03/2017 10:08

Lots of people are answering your point...If they want to wear them then fine. And people would not really be bothered. My kids don't go to school, but do go to weekly lessons at a public pool. My daughter packs her own swim bag, she either packs a one piece or her shorts, whichever she prefers and is closest to hand i guess. No-one has ever said anything, why would they? What she wears is appropriate for her age and activity.

SoulAccount · 18/03/2017 10:12

My Dc did not wear uniform at primary school and it caused no issues whatsoever, let alone 'huge' ones.

SwimmingMom, if anyone spoke to my 5 year old about what they were or were not wearing at the pool I would tell them, at the very least, to mind their own business. I CERTAINLY would not be telling a 5 year old to heed the opinions of a stranger telling a 5 year old to cover her nipples. I would teach her to say 'speak to my mummy', not take a stranger 's busybody interference as her moral compass!

I honestly can't imagine anyone but a complete loon approaching a 5 year old about what they wear in a pool. I think you are overthinking this, OP.

gamerwidow · 18/03/2017 10:15

Let her wear no top if she wants to. Social norms only stay that way because no one challenges them. My Dd wears a top in the swimming pool because she chooses to but when she was a similar age we went to a community fancy dress disco at our local church hall and she got really hot and irritated in her one piece costume so I rolled it down to the waist and she played topless for the rest of the party and no one cared! I could have insisted she keep covered up and be itchy and hot to save her modesty but I thought her enjoyment of the party was more important than covering little girl nipples from view. Anyone who did comment just said 'oh poor thing is she hot, it is hot in here isn't it'.

SoulAccount · 18/03/2017 10:17

Lonnika: personally I have no view on whether a pre-pubescent 9 year old wears a top when swimming.

Most / many girls would by that age be developing a 'growing up' self conciousness and choose a one-piece. If they don't, and still have a child's body, skinny, no pubescent signs, what's the issue?

I realise it isn't the norm, but that doesn't make it a problem.

Who would it be a problem for, and why?

Lonnika123 · 18/03/2017 10:23

I too live in a different universe to most on here! Bonkers the lot of you and the OP knows it's an issue which is why she raised it as a question in the first place. Thank goodness I live in a nice middle class are with normal people

treaclesoda · 18/03/2017 10:25

Where on earth do you live? Does your local pool really have a rule that little girls can't go in just pants? How is it worded.

I'm in the UK, but not England.

The rules say 'swimsuits must be worn at all times, including in the communal changing area and showers'.

Bloosh · 18/03/2017 10:25

We were told my dd needed a top at our local swimming pool - she was 3 Shock

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