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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how friendly you are with your employer ?

37 replies

hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 15:19

For example are you on your employers Facebook? Do you go for coffee outside of work? What do you share with your employer about your personal life?

I ask because I run a very small friendly organization and I feel sometimes that people I hire either ask me too many personal details or they over share .

I am a very sweet looking person and I am very caring so I think people forget that I am there employer and not their best friend I had to fire somebody last year and it wasn't pretty because she saw me as her maid and not as her supervisor . I was also about to hire somebody last month and boundaries were overstepped even before I hired him so I chose not to hire him .

Even if you are self employed with a small business and only have one or two employees are you careful about what you share?

OP posts:
Familyof3or4 · 14/03/2017 15:24

You are a sweet looking person Hmm

Gottagetmoving · 14/03/2017 15:25

My employer and his wife keep asking me if I am on facebook. At first I said no, but then I admitted I was but that I don't really go on it much.
I DON'T want them sending me friend requests!
Colleagues who I am friends with, I am ok with, but not bosses.

If I employed someone, I wouldn't want them as friends on facebook either.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 15:27

ooops, mate not maid! Grin

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WipsGlitter · 14/03/2017 15:28

I work for a big organisation so slightly different. I don't have any work colleagues as friends on any social media.

AQuietMind · 14/03/2017 15:30

Very friendly, We go to bed together every night Wink

BusinessAsUnusual · 14/03/2017 15:30

I do community work so meet a lot of people and some want to become friends on social media. I set up a work account for this reason and I'm very selective with what I post. Happy medium I suppose?

Chasingsquirrels · 14/03/2017 15:32

I married one of them (professional partnership), not so much with the rest!

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 15:32

Family, now do you understand what I mean ? People saw a photo of one of my employees and I together and they thought she was my mother even though she is 10 years younger than me .

To ask how friendly you are with your employer ?
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soundsystem · 14/03/2017 15:37

I work for a big organisation so slightly different but I don't have my boss or any of the people I manage on Facebook. I have people I've worked with in previous roles where we've become friends, but have only added them/accepted friend requests when there's no longer a line management relationship, as it does blur the lines a bit.

I do have lots of work people on Twitter, but I use it mainly for work/industry things and don't tweet about personal/controversial subjects!

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 15:38

Is there a polite way I can decline to give information without offending people? Sorry to ask but I really don't know. The person I was going to hire last month was asking about my personal financial situation and it's not his business but Sometimes I don't know how to respond?

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LuxCoDespondent · 14/03/2017 15:46

People like to get to know the people they work with, and this includes their boss. Work has a social aspect too, it cannot be all work. If you really don't want to share something, skirt around the issue or just politely say you'd rather not discuss it.

RogueRebel · 14/03/2017 15:48

We work in a small group of 7 people. I talk to my boss like a friend we can have banter, sometimes socialising outside of work, drinks, BBQ's etc I was one of 4 of us that were invited to his wedding which wasn't huge. But make no mistakes when he's got to act the boss he will and we all know it. It's a fine balance and he's got it perfect. If he doesn't want to give certain information he won't and he'll tell you it's not information he's willing to give.
Some people are far to nosey about very personal details and then need to be told.

Wellitwouldbenice · 14/03/2017 15:51

Perhaps you need to think about your behaviour and the way you interact with your employees? I genuinely care about the people in my team but it's s professional relationship. They wouldn't friend request me.

TeenAndTween · 14/03/2017 15:52

Have a 'policy'.
Oh sorry, I have a policy that I don't facebook employees.
Oh sorry, I have a policy not to share personal details with employees.

Works for other things in life too.
Oh sorry, I have a policy that I don't sign up to things at the door.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 16:10

Having a policy might be a good idea . Or I could say that the organization has a policy? That way I have something to fall back on .

Well it would be nice even when I try to act professional people have told me I am very childlike. We had a workshop this weekend that my organization cohosted and one of our guest speakers said that when she first met me three years ago she thought I was 15 . Since they know me quite well I can possibly ask them to suggest ways to improve or point out how I am a child like. I don't pick up on it

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Samatamfabahaba · 14/03/2017 16:15

I've seen that photograph on here before? On a thread about where to shop for size 4-6 clothes or am I imagining that??

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 16:21

Ha ha no you're not imagining it. Sorry I am in Philippines with jetlagged after a very busy few days so couldn't be bothered to find a different picture Grin

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ilovesooty · 14/03/2017 16:22

You make it sound as though it's your employees ' responsibility to facilitate acceptable boundaries. If you're an employer / manager, you should be taking responsibility.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 16:28

Sooty, it's something I really need to improve. I do like the policy idea though.

And Sam this is some ruins in the Philippines

To ask how friendly you are with your employer ?
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BabychamSocialist · 14/03/2017 16:35

I'm friends with all of my colleagues and my boss. Although it's slightly different as we're teachers and my boss is actually someone who started out at roughly the same time as me, so we were close friends before she became my boss.

We're all on social media under variations of our names though so kids can't find us.

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 16:37

Are there any apps or websites to connect with mentors in the same sector? Are used to have a mentor and found it really Helpful. As I work in the charity sector I find it difficult to find mentors in other organizations . My organization is now 10 years old and doing quite well but it took a long time to get to this point and I still find hiring people and directing them to be quite challenging. I usually like to throw ideas around and I'll ask but if I am not sure. I think the princes trust offers things for young people but sadly I am not just above the cut off and I was not living in the UK during my 20s

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OdinsLoveChild · 14/03/2017 16:38

I genuinely believe that its ok to socialise with colleagues no matter how senior those people are. Keeping your social life completely separate from your employees by never going out with them etc only encourages segregation and a feeling of 'them and us'. You're more likely to find a high turnover of staff and your staff are less likely to want to help out if you keep them at arms length.

Obviously only share that information you're comfortable with but really, smaller working environments really should be close friendly places to work with a family feel to them. There shouldn't be a feeling of segregation where supervisors feel they cant socialise with employees.

I don't think you are a sweet looking person either. You just look normal to me. What do you mean by 'sweet looking'?

The worst places I worked were those where senior colleagues felt they were better than the rest of us because they were management and as a result didn't socialise with anyone below them in the business. The best places were the ones where I was made to feel that I'm just as important as everyone else and that the management understood I was a person and were happy to mix with everyone no matter how senior. That included bbqs, nights out, day trips etc

PutThatPomBearBack · 14/03/2017 16:48

Tbh I wouldn't think of an adult as 'sweet' looking, A child maybe.

Perhaps friendly or smiley is the right word?

TeenAndTween · 14/03/2017 16:57

LinkedIn is the facebook for work

Original poster
hellokittymania · 14/03/2017 16:57

Love child I did try and be a guide to my employee last year and we did socialize but when she would do something wrong and I had to say something she became very defensive and when I had to let her go she said but I was your friend. It is very hard to keep

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