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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want advice unless I ask for it

30 replies

shesnotme · 04/03/2017 13:20

Someone I know who I was friendly with but is now more of an aquaintance keeps giving me advicd about things I've already decided on.

The advice is really full on, you must not do that, you must listen to me.

Its starting to upset me and get on my nerves.

Tbh if I want advice I usually speak to my DH or councillor.

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 04/03/2017 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 13:25

Yes maybe I need to be more direct and specifically say I'm not asking for advice. Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 13:26

It makes me feel like she doesn't respect my descions as a grown up.

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 04/03/2017 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TaliDiNozzo · 04/03/2017 13:29

The only way that conduct would be acceptable is if you are making horrific decisions and someone needed to step in and say that. Otherwise just tell her outright you are not seeking advice and cease telling her stuff.

Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 13:29

Grin I will practise that.

OP posts:
Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 13:30

Tali nope just everyday things.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 04/03/2017 13:32

Ooh more detail! Like on what?

Autumntactics · 04/03/2017 13:36

Yeah it's frustrating, I have a similar situation with someone who's taking a personal development type course and uses every opportunity to give me unwanted advice about everything. I just go quiet and don't engage but need to find a more direct way of dealing with it. It makes me want to avoid her and I've certainly restricted what I actually say to her.

Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 13:36

I dont want to say too much as it may out me. But one thing was car I had ordered.

OP posts:
BackforGood · 04/03/2017 13:40

If someone - say a colleague or a family member - starts talking about (in your example) what car to buy, then it's pretty normal for people to chip in with their experiences. If your mind is fully made up, then you probably wouldn't sit there saying "I'm thinking of getting......" which, for most people, is a discussion opening.

Now, your situation may be completely different, but we can only go on the information posted.

PuddleJumper01 · 04/03/2017 13:42

Get what you're saying, and PPs clearly do too, but laughing away to myself that you've chosen to vent on a platform where we all... um...

Onthecouchagain · 04/03/2017 13:43

OP you do realise you're asking for advice from strangers on the internet too?

HecateAntaia · 04/03/2017 13:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Yabbadabbo2 · 04/03/2017 14:30

My advice would be to ignore the person and not give them anything to advise on.

dnwig · 04/03/2017 14:42

Yanbu

Skooba · 04/03/2017 14:45

I used to give too much advice. - But people will complain about 'problems' which are easily solvable. Eg my dS won't get out of bed in the morning -

But really they are just complaining about something and want sympathy and not advice.

So don't tell this person stuff and certainly don't moan about things in their hearing.
Just say yeah, yeah. When they suggest stuff. I have friend who goes into looooong explanations of what I should do with the garden/ with my DCs/ where to go on hols etc etc. I just let her run her course and ignore it. She never remembers about what she has said. It's just chat.

ShoutOutToMyEx · 04/03/2017 14:53

There's a woman at work who does this. I'm currently planning a wedding and made the mistake of chatting to her about it and now she emails me suggestions for first dance songs, cake toppers etc, stops me at my desk to tell me she's seen a better version of what we've chosen, all unsolicited.

I used to just politely thank her. Now I either say, 'thanks, we don't need your input on this though' or I ignore it.

Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 15:30

Thanks for the advice.Grin what I actualky said is I have ordered this car, q full onslaught if why I shouldn't get that car and shoukd get x car.Confused Lovely would do.

OP posts:
ScarlettFreestone · 04/03/2017 15:32

She does sound interesting!

There's two ways to approach this either:

Tell her nothing

Or say "I'm very happy with my decision thanks. I don't need any advice" (firmly, with a big smile)

DJBaggySmalls · 04/03/2017 15:36

The advice is really full on, you must not do that, you must listen to me.

Thats not giving advice, its controlling behaviour. Its OK to challenge it.

Sallysadlyseescertainty · 04/03/2017 15:39

Unsolicited advice is rude. On this thread, the op has asked for advice. The person in question, keeps on giving the op advice she did not ask for.

Yanbu.

Original poster
shesnotme · 04/03/2017 16:38

Yep I don't want her advice, if I did I'd ask.

OP posts:
cheeeeselover · 04/03/2017 16:43

Depends on the advice. If she's advising you not to drink and drive for example then she's right to say something. If she's advising you not to buy a red car, then just ignore her

ShoutOutToMyEx · 04/03/2017 16:46

Yep I don't want her advice, if I did I'd ask.

Say that to her! I'm going to, next time I get sent a link to a wedding dress site (I'VE ALREADY BOUGHT MY DRESS!!!!!!).