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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not let sister walk dog

21 replies

dontpushmybuttons · 01/03/2017 13:41

I got a rescue dog a couple of days ago and the one thing that I'm working really hard on is keeping him chilled out and teaching him to walk nicely on the lead.

When he first got here he pulled like a steam train but very slowly, walk by walk, he seems to be getting a bit better.

I wouldn't say I'm strict in an unreasonable way but I have boundaries with him and I do things in a certain way - basically firm but very fair and making things as black and white as possible.

While my sister likes animals I wouldn't describe her as savvy - e.g she'll walk through the door and immediately make a big fuss of him so he gets super excited and then starts doing behaviours that I'm trying to avoid - jumping up, getting on the sofa, bla bla bla.

She wants to walk him with her new BF today and I guess I want to know if IABU by saying to her that actually for the moment I'd like to keep things consistent with him and continue training him my way, without other people getting involved, doing things their way, and potentially confusing him/undoing what he's learnt so far?

OP posts:

Pineappletastic · 01/03/2017 13:47

YANBU, tell her she can walk him once he's (and she's) trained, and work on greeting with her too, nip this shit in the bud now. Our dog does submissive wees when she sees FIL because he refused to follow our training rules and insisted on treating her exactly like his (different breed, different temperament) dogs. We're working on it but every time we have it sorted he goes back to doing it his way and it starts up again.

BeastofCraggyIsland · 01/03/2017 13:48

YANBU, it sounds like you're doing a great job of settling him in and I would definitely not let anyone else walk him at this stage let alone someone who isn't dog savvy. Consistency is key in dog training and he's already had a huge upheaval this week coming to a new home. If your sister is stroppy about it I'd tell her he's not a toy and he needs time to settle in and get used to you. Tbh my dogs are as well behaved as they come but the list of people I'd trust to walk them could fit on the back of a postage stamp. I have PFBDogsitis

Doyouwantabrew · 01/03/2017 13:48

I think you are completely right he's your dog. I am like your dsis mind you and completely spoil my little dog but she's not a rescue and tiny so it's not the same as your situation.

HarmlessChap · 01/03/2017 13:52

YANBU consistency in training is vital, she'll have to wait and she'll have to learn how you are training the dog and agree that when you do allow her to walk him she maintains the same level of control.

EmeraldScorn · 01/03/2017 14:57

"She'll walk through the door and immediately make a big fuss of him so he gets super excited"

You've perfectly described my relationship with A) My own dogs, B) My sister's dog and C) Dogs of friends.....

Dogs love me presumably because I bring treats/toys, I get on the floor and play with them, I give them loads of affection etc so I'd annoy the hell out of you.

It's great that you're setting boundaries etc but try to keep in mind that he's a rescue dog and is likely in need of a little bit of love and spoiling - I hate the idea of being "firm" with an animal, my dogs are trained but it was done in a fun way with lots of rewards, praise and cuddles.

Dogs love attention and given that he's a rescue he's probably in more "need" of it, let him enjoy your sister's attentive focus.

He can learn alongside having fun but at the end of the day it's up to you how you handle it - Good Luck!

crazyspaniellady · 01/03/2017 16:03

YANBU, our youngest is a rescue, and even now his behaviour is challenging. One of DM's friends walks him sometimes if I'm at work/DM isn't able (due to disability), and while we're very grateful, because he doesn't listen to what we ask him to do with the "problem child", it sets him back a bit after ever walk because he's just allowed to run riot, bark at people etc, with no boundaries at all.

Basic training is what works best ime, but it only works if you are consistent! Our little trouble maker has a routine, and has been whistle trained to help with the consistency, the same noise to break his attention/call him back no matter who is walking him.

You sound like you're doing wonderfully OP, and thank you for giving that four legged bundle of joy another chance!

Original poster

dontpushmybuttons · 01/03/2017 16:06

Emerald - I think you've probably misinterpreted how I treat him.

He gets plenty of attention and praise, once he's calm/relaxed and/or has done something I've asked of him.

I train using positive reinforcement but at the same time he needs to learn that certain things he does (e.g. Jumping on you as you walk through the door) isn't acceptable - one because it's annoying, and two because it's potentially dangerous. I don't agree with rewarding or encouraging undesirable behaviour as it will only confuse him and I want to set him up to succeed and be a calm, well behaved boy!

OP posts:

LemonBreeland · 01/03/2017 16:08

I think as you have only had him a couple of days it's perfectly reasonable that you want to walk him yourself so he gets used to you and is trained.

WatchingFromTheWings · 01/03/2017 16:12

We have a rescue. I wouldn't even let my older kids walk her the first 3 or 4 months we had her. Once she'd settled and her recall was spot on, then we let her be walked by others. It's as much about trusting the dog as the people walking them.

Lochan · 01/03/2017 16:20

YANBU - he's a dog, not a toy.

MrsJayy · 01/03/2017 16:21

Rescues are like onions soo many layers so you are right you dont really know your dog yet so you are wise to say not yet to your sister, btw i dont let anybody fuss my dog as soon as they come in either he waits till we are in the door or we would fall over him , i dont fuss my sisters dog he is a lovely little dog but gets to excited whereas my parents and sister fuss him and cant get in the blooming door.

MrsJayy · 01/03/2017 16:24

Close family member let a dog we had off lead when i said not to and dog was run over not saying your sister would do anything so stupid but for now it is better you sort dog out first

StarryIllusion · 01/03/2017 16:44

I was about to say you were massively unreasonable but actually I get it. It is so much harder to untrain bad behaviours than it is to teach new ones. Right now he needs the consistency. Show her how you do it and emphasise how important it is right now because you are trying to teach him not to pull. Then in a few weeks when he has pretty much got it, let her take him with you and then if she is ok with him she can take him herself.

My youngest dog pulls hard enough to have us over if we're not careful and dp does my head in because I'll just be making progress and then he'll take him out, let him get away with murder and we're back to square one.

BigbyWolf · 01/03/2017 16:56

Congratulations on your new member of the family!

Yanbu - you sound like you're doing exactly the right thing.

What breed is he? Any chance of a pic?

BigbyWolf · 01/03/2017 16:56

Congratulations on your new member of the family!

Yanbu - you sound like you're doing exactly the right thing.

What breed is he? Any chance of a pic?

BigbyWolf · 01/03/2017 16:58

Sorry, don't know why that posted twice

pigsDOfly · 01/03/2017 16:58

Agree you need to get him into a way of behaviour and training before you DSis should walk him if you feel she's unlikely to stick to your training rules.

Dogs need boundaries, they need to know what's expected of them and they need to feel someone they trust will make sure everything around them is safe.

Don't be made to feel mean by your DSis. You're doing the right thing and he'll be a happier, calmer dog for it.

Original poster

dontpushmybuttons · 01/03/2017 21:25

TY everyone! Don't feel like such a witch now He is such a sweet boy but he's also a chunky little thing (Staffie) so he definitely needs to respect personal space and boundaries. Won't post pics under this name as have posted identifying info before but will maybe name change and post in the dog section

OP posts:

Original poster

dontpushmybuttons · 01/03/2017 21:26

Also MrsJ that sounds awful. So sorry for your loss

OP posts:

MrsJayy · 01/03/2017 21:54

Thank you was 20 years ago i was devestated we only had him 3/4 months

Cherrysoup · 01/03/2017 22:29

Yanbu. You're supposed to have one person training, so keep it consistent for him for now.

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