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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Does this sound fair?

18 replies

Topaz0117 · 27/02/2017 22:09

Hi everyone!

Just hoping if you think whether they way DP and I split housework etc is fair? I feel like I don't do enough.

I'm in uni 3 days a week, look after DD 2 days a week and we share care on the weekends. I do nearly all of the housework and admin. I cook tea every night and do the dishes. I get up with DD in the night if she wakes sun-thurs.

DP works full time as a teacher with a 1.5 hour commute daily (45 mins there, 45 mins back). He does DD's dream feed and bottles every night (something I hate doing).

On a Saturday I have a lie in, on a Sunday he has a lie in.

Does this sound fair to you? I'm happy with the amount DP does, he's brill but I feel guilty a lot of the time. DP does not make me feel guilty, he always says how good I am.

What do you think?

OP posts:

early30smum · 27/02/2017 22:10

Sounds perfect to me!

tinytemper66 · 27/02/2017 22:11

Does he bring work home to mark etc? I do....[should be doing it now but MN is a great distraction!] When you say admin do you mean bills?

TheCakes · 27/02/2017 22:12

What else do you think you should be doing? Sounds like you have it all covered to me. Dont stress!

PurpleDaisies · 27/02/2017 22:12

If you two are both happy, it doesn't really matter what everyone else thinks.

milkmoustache · 27/02/2017 22:12

You have nothing to feel guilty about, sounds as if you have a good partnership going with your DP.

Original poster

Topaz0117 · 27/02/2017 22:12

Yes he does, he has a lot of paperwork to do -.-
Yes, I deal with bills, renew things, doctors apps etc.

OP posts:

tinytemper66 · 27/02/2017 22:15

Sounds like he does far more than most men on here. Do not feel guilty.

MommaGee · 27/02/2017 22:17

what hrs do you do in uni with commute? It seems unfair if you're both out the same length 3 days a week that you do all the work on those days too. DH is only doing one get up and dream feds which i'm guessing is whilst you're awake anyway.
are you really happy with what he does or is this something of a reverse?

early30smum · 27/02/2017 22:19

To give you an idea in our house with 2 D.C. Ages 4 and 7:

DH: works FT about 60 hrs a week
I: work 30 hours but over 5 days

I do: all admin (bill paying, car stuff i.e. booking in for service/MOT etc) all cooking, food shopping, present buying, most cleaning, washing, bath and bedtime for the 2 D.C. Monday-Friday unless I am going out and have pre booked him in to get home on time but this is rare. I do sometimes have to also work in the evening after D.C. In bed.

DH: puts out the bins, will do some tidying sometimes, e.g. Might load/unload dishwasher if I ask. Gets youngest D.C. Up and dressed almost every weekday. Lets me have a lie in at the weekends, although sometimes I do this for him too and it's never massively long unless it's been a really late night. Takes kids out at the weekend sometimes without me but he loves this. We also do lots as a family.

Aloethere · 27/02/2017 22:21

I don't understand why you feel guilty? He does one feed a day and bottles, then gets up with her on a Saturday? That is only 3 things outside of work, why would you think that is more than his fair share?

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 27/02/2017 22:24

Sounds like he does far more than most men on here

She does all the housework, all the cooking, the admin and the night time childcare.

She asks if the way they split housework is fair and people are saying yes? They don't split housework if she does it all!

wtf?

gleam · 27/02/2017 22:37

I'm not surprised he says how good you are...

Nospringflower · 27/02/2017 22:39

I think you do more than your fair share so not sure why you feel guilty.

GatoradeMeBitch · 27/02/2017 22:44

Sounds like he does far more than most men on here

Where does it sound like that? It sounds like he does the baby's bottles in the evenings and gets up with the baby one weekend morning. Is that it? I can only assume the OP has omitted some things if she's feeling guilty. Does he cook dinner too?

Quartz2208 · 27/02/2017 22:45

I have to say I agree it appears other than a dream feed and bottles and one lie in you do everything, what more can you do. If he does more than most men most men go nothing and that's sad

TheOnlyLivingBoyinNewCork · 27/02/2017 22:45

He does not cook.

thebakerwithboobs · 27/02/2017 22:47

Christ, everything gets done and nobody is unhappy?! What's the problem? Enjoy your little one and your partner. Sorry to sound harsh but if you spend your life trying to find problems where none exist, you'll eventually make yourself a problem!

MommaGee · 27/02/2017 22:54

DH works full time, out 8-6
I'm a sAHM

I generally cook but if he got home and i said i hadnt started he'd throw some food in out the freezer cook
He puts on DS's tea time feed whilst i finish cooking dinner.

We alternate putting DS to bed, the other one will wash up generally altho sometimes if DS goes down quick DH does both

He cannot however work out how to scrub sides etc so i still do that. I also clean bathrooms, sweep up etc.

He does DS's in-bed feed and meds.

I get up through the night and get DS up in the morning

DH gets him up on a weekend and does most of the feeds over the weekend altho i might make them up.

He does bins

I do most of the clothes washing but he does do them

He vaccums the stairs.

I think that's a fair split, i think your DH has it easy

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