Bored as f**k... AIBU?

[reluctantlondoner]

I really struggle to get my balance right. I either feel too busy and stressed out / not really enjoying each individual commitment because always worrying about the next or I feel bored and don't know what to do with myself. I am at a loss. How do other people in London fill their time when not working or socialising? I don't have kids yet but we are TTC (trying not to get too into it, hoping it will just happen, not happened yet after a few months). When I am in the house on my own I wish we had a baby so at least I would always have something to do. I really struggle to enjoy my own company / entertain myself and realise I can be exhausting to be around. What to do?

A nice quote from Zelda Fitzgerald was something like, "I refuse to be bored, chiefly because I am not boring". In th nicest way, are you a bit boring? Do you have many interests? Chase them up! You live in actual London, one of the most exciting cities in the world and you're young a child free and you manage to be bored?

Read some books!
Go visit the billion or so free and fantastic historical sites.
Go one some tours.
You know the Tate is free, right? And their lectures?
Google free stuff to do in London!
Or just get a copy of the 100 greatest films of all time and work your way through them.

TTC can be a really miserable time, but having a new baby has a lot of boring moments too. They sleep a lot! And you will never have this sort of freedom again. Start enjoying your life.

Being stuck inside with a newborn is also boring, and exhausting. Seriously just enjoy the time and do stuff you won't be able to do easily with a baby. Going anywhere more than a 15 min walk away is difficult, as is having to negotiate step free access with buggy (most tube stations difficult), needing to find somewhere to change and feed baby, needing to find disabled loo so you can fit buggy in and actually go. And not having time to do hair and make up and constantly being covered in sick / baby mush food.

If you really don't want to do this then maybe go to the local bump and baby groups and befriend some local mothers. And seeing the reality might change your outlook!

Having a newborn is fucking boring! Enjoy it now

There's loads to do in London but it depends on your interests. What do you like?

I'm quite happy just reading a book when I'm not working but I'm sure we can recommend places to visit and things to do to match your own interests.

Quick write a bucket list type thing. Once you have kids in part its game over. Enjoy the peace, the parks, the concerts. Live.

I wish you luck ttc but having babies and for that matter small children is brain-meltingly boring.
You will always have something to do - changing nappies, wiping up sick, trying to settle the baby, rushing round trying to keep your house tidy while the baby sleeps, abandoning that because the baby is crying. Over and over again.
Ttc can be difficult and stressful and you might find the journey easier if you are relaxed and content within yourself.
If I was in your situation I would make a point of going to a different gallery, museum or exhibit every week, sign up for evening classes or weekend seminars, check out new bars and restaurants, do voluntary work, get really really fit.
Enlist a friend to join you on adventures, eg randomly pick a tube stop or overground area to visit, get to know tons of different areas, take photos or draw pictures, learn a musical instrument, take up meditation.
If you do have kids, you won't have this sort of time to yourself for a loooong time.

What PP have said. Sitting here bouncing my two babes, about to express milk for the next feed, wondering if I can reload the dishwasher while they nap in case I wake them, then I'll put some more washing on. Then they'll be up and we'll read and play until we do nap and expressing an hour and a half later. I may get the excitement of steaming and mashing some cauliflower in there somewhere. T1 will not nod off...

I adore my babies but right now I'd really like to get dressed up and have a couple of cocktails at the Savoy...

I was like this....silly me. Not that it was all amazing before or after babies. What I've learnt, if it's worth anything...please please try to find stuff, any stuff you like for yourself....whether it be reading, sewing, colouring, running, art, TV,....whatever...try it now ..try many...find people. In it, funnily enough you may find you. Babies are wonderful, as they grow, they're better yet but I've found they tend to like, respect and want to hang you more when you have your own interests to engage with them about too. Give you a chance first...there's a lot of life to be lived x

Thank you everyone especially LearnAsIGo. It's good to know I'm not the only one feeling like this! I know it is ridiculous ladies.. I am not good with sticking with hobbies but maybe I need to make more effort to find things I enjoy and not rely on others to entertain me. I grew up in the countryside and despite living in London I am not a big museum/gallery girl... I am more at home baking, doing crafts or going for a nice country walk. I am considering joining the WI (aged 29)...! Maybe I will find some like minded ladies there to enjoy things like that with in my local area. Ultimately there is another issue here which is that I don't massively like living in London and don't feel it really suits me, but DH and I both have good jobs here and he won't entertain the idea of moving away. I don't want to just move out giving myself the worst of both worlds with a long commute and living in a crap boring place, I would like to move away proper to the South West or the Midlands... anywhere really. But I suspect maybe I wouldn't be happy anywhere for the reasons you suggest (I.e. I haven't found myself yet). I naively think that I wouldn't mind the boring stuff about having a baby because I just like having something purposeful to do. Sorry... a bit of a wide ranging reply!! Thanks all.

Why can't you do crafts, baking etc in London? You don't have to go out to find entertainment you know.

And I agree with everyone else - I have never been as bored as I am at home with babies. I love them so very much but it's not interesting or stimulating.

BreatheDeep I do enjoy crafts and baking in London at home... on my own! I would just rather be with other people.

Find some baking classes or something like that? I imagine there's a lot in London. Are you bored because you don't have a regular social circle rather than not having things to do?

There are lots of young women orientated WIs in certain parts of London. I can name three in Hackney alone. So it isn't weird to be a young person in the WI there - I am, although mostly for pub quizzes and bike rides rather than crafting

It sounds less like you need specific activities to keep you entertained and more that you need more friends (I mean that nicely)

Best way is to build on the network of friends you have already..How about asking friends out to a pub or round for dinner and tell them to bring an extra friend of theirs along as well?

Also why not make an effort to recast an evening alone at home as a positive thing. Don't let yourself think negative thoughts, say "what a treat, a night in to have a bath, paint for toenails, do a face mask" etc .
If you get into a cycle of thinking negatively about time alone, you need to make a conscious effort to change it

Sounds like you are lonely rather than bored.

Yes you're all probably right. I have plenty of friends but they've all moved to different areas and we're really spread out across the country. I don't have a regular group of friend and certainly don't have that many people nearby. Also loads of my friends have kids so are off doing their own thing having family time... I feel left behind.

Don't have a baby just because you are feeling bored. I've been a stay at home parent for 5 years and can honestly say that the monotony of looking after young children will be far worse than what you feel now, IMHO. Don't get me wrong, I love my children with every ounce of my being. However, I was in a similar situation wanting to escape London City life with OH reluctant to do so. 3 children later and I am totally trapped, bored and missing my freedom. I'm not saying that this will absolutely be the same for you. Just take the time to explore all the opportunities open to you first. Take time to try and find your niche. X

Sounds like you need purpose, how about volunteering?

Honestly having a baby was a darn sight more interesting than the mind numbing ongoing disappointment of long term ttc which no amount of relaxing is really going to help x
Thing is if you are at the point of your life where your friends have new babies or worse because your ttc journey has taken so long older children you just feel rudderless (or I did)
So bake, read, amble and if you are happy great if not then join the WI or a craft group or whatever and see how you go

Good luck x

Read up on current events or study a subject your interested in through wikipedia etc

Thanks helterskelter. I think that's where I am at. Really hope it happens for us soon. My sister is pregnant and the majority of my best friends all have kids or are pregnant. I feel like a passenger in their lives going round helping with their babies etc. Just want that for myself but really trying not to become obsessive / jealous about it! Thanks all xx