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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I deserve something more?

19 replies

Muuuuum1983 · 11/02/2017 16:58

It's my B-day today, and my H only said: "Happy birthday" this morning...nothing else. Is it so hard to put some efforts into something different? A present? A cake? a candlelight on a piece of bread?

I wish I will find the courage to go away with my LO and leave H alone...we all deserve some happy moments, don't we? I am tired to feel this way...like I have no one who cares for me...

OP posts:
raffleswinch · 11/02/2017 17:18

Day isn't over yet

Penfold007 · 11/02/2017 17:19

Happy Birthday Muuuum 🎉 🍾🎂

Yes you deserve better and I hope you find better.

raffleswinch · 11/02/2017 17:19

AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY GrinGrinGrinCakeFlowers

(deserved its own reply)

ineedwine99 · 11/02/2017 17:20

Happy birthday!!! FlowersCakeWine

CookieLady · 11/02/2017 17:22

Happy Birthday! Wine Cake Flowers

ShowMePotatoSalad · 11/02/2017 17:23

Happy Birthday, OP.

I think you deserve something more. I never put much stock in my birthdays and massively downplay them, which the older I get, the more I think I am doing it to protect myself from disappointment.

Flowers Cake Wine

Ilovecaindingle · 11/02/2017 17:24

We had a virtual knees up for a 40th last week! . Let us know if we are required for Wineand Cake around 8 pm. .
Happy birthday! Flowers

haveacupoftea · 11/02/2017 17:25

Maybe he will produce some lovely prosecco and chocolates later Flowers happy birthday!

Buzzardbird · 11/02/2017 17:25

Happy Birthday. Is he a good DH/parent in any other way or does he generally suck?

haveacupoftea · 11/02/2017 17:25

Ps in case he doesnt, go and get yourself some. Nick a tenner out of his jeans Wink

dontbesillyhenry · 11/02/2017 17:29

ilovecaindingle (and so do I) im up for that too

Original poster
Muuuuum1983 · 11/02/2017 18:43

Thank you all!

Buzzardbird he is a good father, but isn't a partner at all since our LO was born, 18 months ago. Since then, we do not have sex, do not have a night/evening for us...we don't speak any more.
For the sex I took initiative a couple of time, then I gave up because it seems that I am the only one who wants it...in fact he did not take initiative so far.
I also spoke to him saying that it is over, let's end this relationship...but every time his answer is: let's try again, I think it is worth it.
But then the day after the same things again....so I gave up it too, I don't speak anymore, I only carry on...and I feel I am dying inside.
I don't know why I was expecting something different today...maybe because there is a part of me believing that he wants to try again...don't know.
But anyway, thank you all :) I bought a cake for tonight which I am going to share with my LO :)

OP posts:
tinglyfing · 11/02/2017 18:51

Happy Birthday!! 🎂. Sod him. You spoil yourself and have lots of cuddles with your lo ❤

MyOtherNameIsTaken · 11/02/2017 18:57

Happy Birthday!! Cake

Backt0Black · 11/02/2017 19:02

Ahhh OP. This has made me quite sad. Yes! You should expect more. Christs sake of e wasn't arsed himself he could of at least got you a little card from your little one.

Happy Birthday OP. Wishing for a lot better for you next year WineWine

yorkshapudding · 11/02/2017 19:05

Happy Birthday Muuuuum CakeFlowersWine

You're right, you deserve better. Considering he knows you're unhappy with the current state of the relationship you'd have thought he'd make an effort.

If I were you I'd treat myself tomorrow. Bit of retail therapy, meet a friend for lunch maybe. Then I'd start planning my exit to be honest. Not because of the birthday thing but because you're clearly unhappy and it sounds as though he has no intention of doing anything to change that.

Buzzardbird · 11/02/2017 19:08

Oh sweetheart, I think you should get this moved into Relationships topic so that you can get some advice.

Yes, you do deserve better. Things are always (mostly) a bit hard for the first few years but he really isn't making any effort is he?
The very least he could do is buy you a card and get your baby involved with your birthday.

Original poster
Muuuuum1983 · 11/02/2017 20:16

I think that what is hurting me more than all is that my baby is not involved in my birthday (or anything mummy-related)...I mean, he is still 18mo but would be nice for him preparing something to make his mummy happy, wouldn't it?
I am not brave enough at moment to exit, don't know why...when it happened to other people, I was the kind of girl saying: "it's not so hard: you are unhappy, you exit!" but now....not sure why I am doing nothing for that.
Anyway...today I am a year older, I will do some retail therapy tomorrow (thanks yorkshapudding) and spoil myself! Thank you all for your kind words!

OP posts:
Buzzardbird · 11/02/2017 20:20

Be kind to yourself Mum and don't put yourself through another year of feeling unappreciated.
Have a lovely cuddle with your baby.

Remember to treat him exactly the same way on his birthday.

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