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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

TO EXPECT MY DD TO

28 replies

runkid · 27/02/2007 21:28

cook herself a meal or put the washing in the tumble dryer or do her washing as she is home all day and she does nothing
So we have had a big row and am told that everyone elses mother cooks for them etc etc

OP posts:
JonesTheSteam · 27/02/2007 21:29

Well, that depends on her age? It'd be a bit much for my DD, but she is only 6!

KTeePee · 27/02/2007 21:29

How old is she?

tortoise · 27/02/2007 21:30

Isn't your DD preg? If i'm thinking of the right one she will have to learn to do things for herself.

Hassled · 27/02/2007 21:32

No - completely reasonable but having said that DD (17) does NOTHING - and then asks for money when asked to babysit (much) younger siblings. She has at least started cooking for herself (bizarrely she eats boiled rice throughout the day) but has never knowingly washed a dish (at least not without a fight). Where did we go wrong???

Original poster
runkid · 27/02/2007 21:35

She is 14 soon to be fifteen and yes she is pregnant.
I thought maybe i was being harsh but as a single mum with a job a 2yr old and a dad who is dying of cancer i dont think its unreasonable to do some chores.

OP posts:
themildmanneredjanitor · 27/02/2007 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JonesTheSteam · 27/02/2007 21:37

At 14, then I'd say yes, she should be able to do all those things.

DD can actually manage to put her washing in the machine, even if she can't turn it on yet!

tortoise · 27/02/2007 21:37

Phew! Was worried i had the wrong one!
She does need to do more to help out!
Even my nearly 10 yr old does some chores to help out.

Original poster
runkid · 27/02/2007 21:37

4th june baby due

OP posts:
KTeePee · 27/02/2007 21:38

I think teenagers are like men - I don't think it actually occurs to them that things need to be done from the point of view of cleanliness, etc - unless it is pointed out to them. I am very when I think of how little housework we did as students (apart from cooking and washing up).

Maybe decide what things you would like her to do and sit down with her and discuss it? Why is she not at school btw? or is the baby almost due?

Original poster
runkid · 27/02/2007 21:39

I feel so guilty though she hasnt had a meal today just junk and im struggling to find stuff for her to eat because she has gone off meat

OP posts:
Original poster
runkid · 27/02/2007 21:41

Long story KTeePee she has 3hours school a week We have discussions it doesnt make any difference.

OP posts:
KTeePee · 27/02/2007 21:42

Has your dd has never had to do chores before - if not, it may come as a shock to her!

pinkbubble · 27/02/2007 21:42

IMO, doesnt matter how far pregnant she is, she needs to know what life is all about, and as much as its nice for Mum to do it all , it really isnt doing her any favours in the long term. My DD is almost 13 and I have expectations if shes around when wash machine or dishwasher has fin then she empties it- admittedly she doesnt do it the way I would like but at least shes doing it! We have a hot cold relationship but at the end of the day she knows Im there for her!

It isnt too much to ask her to run the hoover round, cook a simple meal or even hang washing out. I can honestly say even if I had boys(which I dont) I would teach them the same as my DDs(as when I met DH he could do nothing as Mumhad done everything for him!)

Hassled · 27/02/2007 21:45

I feel for you and I feel for her - I moan about my DD but I know I was a selfish, self-obsessed cow as a teenager (that's pretty much the job description, isn't it?) and to be selfish and self-obsessed and pregnant sounds terrifying. But you're still right - if she can't do minor domestic stuff now she's going to have a major shock in June.

Bozza · 27/02/2007 21:47

I agree she should be doing it. I have started making my 6yo clear the table which he whinges about. My 2yo "sets" it which can lead to random placements but scuppers DS's argument that she is not doing anything. Then on Sunday DH was washing the car and I was getting DS and DD to help me tidy up in anticipation of his birthday party and he complained "but I always have to do jobs" so I pointed out we were all doing jobs and it was his party. But I intend to plug away.

I don't suppose you got to take it easy 2-3 years ago when you were pg yourself, did you?

Original poster
runkid · 27/02/2007 21:53

Yes thats my worry i dont think she understands what hard work its going to be and no i didnt get to sit around.

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KTeePee · 28/02/2007 13:37

I have just borrowed a book called "Tidy your room" by Jane Bidder from the library to try to get some tips to get my dd to do just that - it covers from toddlers up to teenagers. when i get to the teenage bit I will let you know if she has any useful advice!

suedonim · 28/02/2007 14:48

Have you tried not washing her clothes etc? When she runs out of clean ones she may decide to use the w-machine after all!

Tortington · 28/02/2007 14:50

dont cook her a meal

dont buy anything but meals

dont wash her stuff

why have a dog and bark yerself - lets face it if your doing it why should she get off her pregnant arse and do it?

sunnysideup · 28/02/2007 15:11

Think of it as cruel to your dd if you don't make her help. If she can't take care of herself she has no chance of being a good mum to her baby and that is not a road that will make her happy in life.

dionnelorraine · 28/02/2007 15:14

pregnancy isnt an illness. its normal and thousands of women go through it all the time. Obviously she will get tired etc.. but small chores are definatly not to much to ask. washing up etc.. It sounds like you have enough other stuff going on!!

Jonut · 28/02/2007 15:35

She needs to learn all that kind of stuff now. I had a baby at 16 and my mother never made me do anything around the house and it was a hell of a shock when I moved out and had to do it all myself!! I wish she had made me do things so I would have been better at it. I'm still a pretty messy person (house is clean but at times looks like a bomb has hit it with all the toys!!) and hate it-I would do anything to be a tidier person!!!

staceym11 · 28/02/2007 16:34

i was pregnant at 17 and my mum forced me to grow up from a teenager into a mother, i was made to cook clean, wash, tidy etc etc (not for everyone but for myself and my dp) then when the baby came i was used to doing things, she took some of the burden (took over most the cookign and the washing up so i could concentrate on dd but i still had to do most the normal stuff.

as you know you need to support her, she must be scared, but imagine what its gunna be like if she suddenly has a baby and hasn't got a clue, surely thats gotta be scarier!!

Original poster
runkid · 28/02/2007 21:03

Thanx guys i will stick to my Guns

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