Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to just expect an apology - nothing more!

23 replies

Migrainemate · 09/02/2017 22:29

My son has been hurt a few times now by another boy in the class ( yr 2, both 7 )
All three times it's been over something quite minor, however I'm friends with the mum and she just won't say sorry.
It's been my sons fault for provoking him on all three occasions even though the teacher is adamant this wasn't the case and assures me she has delivered that to the mum.
Yesterday was a blooded nose after being whacked for saying he had to wait his turn to play the transformer game they were playing within a group.
If she was of the opinion to leave any school stuff at school I would completely respect that but the phone calls that are basically just blaming my son for ending up with injuries are becoming bloody annoying

OP posts:
TestingTestingWonTooFree · 09/02/2017 22:36

She's phoning you? You need to be more direct.

Ilovecaindingle · 09/02/2017 22:39

I would ask for the school to speak to you all together so no more crossed wires.

MarklahMarklah · 09/02/2017 22:40

She's phoning you to complain that your son is upsetting hers/provoking hers to violence?
She needs to talk to her son about how to manage his anger.

Original poster
Migrainemate · 09/02/2017 22:45

The school did that with us on the first occasion as it was a rare day I could do the pick up however generally this is all through phone calls now to let me know of these injuries before OH collects as teacher seems to always be busy after school so no time to talk then with after school clubs and so on
It didn't land, she still thought it was my sons fault for not including him or something along those lines
Just sorry. That's all. Sorry.
Need not be a big song and dance.

OP posts:
AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/02/2017 22:50

I honestly don't care if your son was the meanest kid in the playground, telling him he's not allowed to play, refusing to include him etc, it would still be absolutely NO justification for hitting!
Violence is never the answer, the fact his mum is passing the buck is quite honestly worrying, if her kid grows up thinking its ok to hit if you don't get what you want, any child in the playground, anyone he has a disagreement with when older, and even potential future girlfriends are at risk of being on the end of a fist.
He's hit your son in the face, i'd take it as high as i possibly could, i don't know if children of 7 can be cautioned by police but i'd be seriously considering calling 101 and asking advice over it.

MidniteScribbler · 09/02/2017 22:53

You aren't going to get an apology, so just forget it.

But you have every right to refuse to speak directly to her about any incidents involving the school. Hang up on her, and if she persists, report to the school, and block her number. Do not engage with her.

Thewolfsjustapuppy · 09/02/2017 22:54

Never mind sorry, she needs to stop victim blaming and start making her son take responsibility for his actions. Are the school doing anything to protect your son from violence?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 09/02/2017 22:55

And before anyone says it no, i don't think im over reacting at all. If a teenager hit another teen school pupil in the face the schools on hand police officer would step in and there would be the option of pressing assault charges. If his mum won't teach him hitting is wrong, maybe a talking to off a police man will!

Original poster
Migrainemate · 09/02/2017 23:08

Children are not able to be even spoken to at police level until the age of 10
School aren't doing much as no additional needs or anything, just a loss of temper
It's happened to a few other kids too but not as frequent
I didn't want a fallout as we are close, both kids got on well through pre school and year R but never very close so god knows what's causing these issues but school have said she won't take any responsibility so it's hard to know where to go now

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 09/02/2017 23:11

You need to start standing up for your son, instead of trying to preserve a friendship with someone who clearly has no respect for you.

You're letting your son down.

anklebitersmum · 09/02/2017 23:14

Migrainemate get yourself into the Head's office and insist on a dual parent meeting. If I were a suspicious type (and I often am) I'd say that the incidents have been played down to other Mum. Hence it seems like a '6 of 1 half a dozen of the other' type scenario where your DC is essentially provoking the other child until he erupts and therefore should shoulder some blame.

If you get both sets of parents, the teacher and the Head in a room there's no room for fluffy bunny pandering or misunderstanding either way.

Original poster
Migrainemate · 09/02/2017 23:18

I've told my son to stay away from the other child and he said he tries too.
I have had a meeting with the head about it and they assured me she was told her son was fully responsible and that there was no excuse for violent behaviour.
They did also state that they can't change parents views and some just aren't willing to accept their children do any wrong so I think it's very difficult for them to do anything else.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 09/02/2017 23:30

So what are you going to do about it?
It's one thing for the headteacher to speak to the parents and not agree with them, but have you actually spelt it out to your friend that you don't agree with her and expect an apology rather than allowing it to not "land"?

SingingInTheRainstorm · 09/02/2017 23:42

I think as much as you want an apology you won't get one, as her son is likely to say well I did it because this happened. You need to decide whether you can still be friends with her, would it be a tragic loss not to be.

If I was the Mum I'd be apologising and feeling very embarrassed. I think the idea of a meeting with you both present is a good idea, she can't deny it then and if she does she'll be put right.

Some children love to hate each other, so they're best mates one minute, hate each other the next. You need to make it clear to DS he's not to even speak to the child in question, like you already have.

I hope it stops from this point on, if not it'll mean seeing the head and asking for their anti bullying policy. If they have a website they usually post it up there.

Just ignore the phonecalls till she can behave like an adult. Brushing it under the carpet doesn't help her or her DS.

anklebitersmum · 10/02/2017 00:47

Migrainmate I've had that sort of conversation with a HT. Turned out she was telling me that Other Mum was unreasonable/unable to deal with her DD whilst telling Other Mum that I was a bit over-sensitive and emotionally unstable Angry

Unfortunately for HT I found out via the local drums after the bullying continued. Hence my joint meeting suggestion, no hiding or 'confusion' for any party Grin

Original poster
Migrainemate · 10/02/2017 12:04

What a nightmare to have to go into HT to resolve this crap.
Fancy not being able to just say sorry!

OP posts:
SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 12:44

I think YABU for expecting her to apologise to you over school incidents (although I would encourage my DS to apologise to yours if I was her) but she's actually phoning you and moaning that your son is winding hers up to the extent that he's physically hurting your DS?

I don't know if your DS really is a wind up merchant (there is one in DS's class) but she should be concentrating on making sure he never lashes out if someone annoys him (even deliberately) and teaching him other ways to deal with it. She seems to be doing the opposite by passing the buck - quite worrying.

This definitely seems like an issue that should be dealt with impartially at school not between the parents. I wouldn't engage with her over it at all. I would probably keep an open mind about whether my DS might actually be winding this boy up but the bottom line is that violence is never ever justified whatever your DS is doing.

Original poster
Migrainemate · 10/02/2017 13:08

My DS is quiet so I can't imagine him being a wind up but I'm not there
Regardless as you say he shouldn't be hurt at school.

OP posts:
Fighterofthenightman · 10/02/2017 13:10

Talk to the school. Don't call 101.

Original poster
Migrainemate · 10/02/2017 13:21

101?!?

OP posts:
Fighterofthenightman · 10/02/2017 13:31

A previous poster said they'd consider calling 101. Like always.

mouldycheesefan · 10/02/2017 13:35

Because the police don't have much on so seven year olds walloping eachother would be a priority. "Forget terrorism, domestic abuse, drugs, people trafficking.....a seven year old has hit another seven year old get the cells ready its blue lights all the way." I can see it on The Bill now,

I say again, theblokic are for crimes not a service where you ring them with everything that's going wrong in in your life. Get a diary for that.

(Not aimed at you op)

Original poster
Migrainemate · 10/02/2017 18:50

Oh missed that, course not a police matter for 7 year olds!!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread