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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell school & parents not to speak to DS again?

221 replies

lalalalyra · 09/02/2017 14:01

Last week there was an incident in the library when some of DS's class were in there. DS was at a table with 2 other boys, they are all 8.

DS says he was getting a book from the shelf when he heard one boy cry and another make a 'raspberry' noise.

One boy is saying he blew a raspberry at the other boy. The other boy is saying the boy spat in his face, then blew the raspberry to cover it. However both bits are adamant that DS was looking and should be backing up their story. DS is absolutely adamant that he had his back to them as he was getting a book out.

Fwiw I believe DS because he absolutely does not get on with the boy who is being accused of spitting and the other boy is his best friend so I think if he could back up his friend then he would.

My issue is that he's been spoken too by the head twice, the deputy head three times and his class teacher a couple of times as well. I've had both mothers at my door demanding to speak to him and this morning I got a phone call from the school that he'd arrived very upset because one of the parents (I've no idea which one yet) tried to speak to him at the gate and he asked school to call me and ask me to collect him at the end of the day - this is a boy who is massively proud off his walking to and from school, it takes 4 minutes and last week when I was in for a pta thing wanted me to walk the long way round so he could still walk himself home with the little group.

Apparently the head is planning to speak to all three boys again tomorrow and the secretary said she would imagine, knowing the head, it would be made very plain to the other parent that approaching DS wasn't on.

Aibu to tell them today that I don't want anyone - school or parent - speaking to my DS again about this? He didn't see it. He hasn't changed his story since the first time he was asked. He has no reason to lie and I'm not wanting him pulled out of class again for anymore chats?

I'm livid that someone thought it acceptable to speak to him. I'm angry with myself for not thinking of it, but it was last week and he's been fine everyday, just a bit annoyed that he keeps having to repeat it. I know it's a potentially very serious incident but if he didn't see it he didn't see it.

OP posts:
Expellibramus · 09/02/2017 14:03

Nope, not unreasonable! I would be saying the same thing.

RatherBeRiding · 09/02/2017 14:04

Don't think UABU at all to ask them not to speak to him again - and as for other parents approaching him off their own bat I'd be utterly apeshit about that!

Gazelda · 09/02/2017 14:04

Absolutely! The school can see how this constant questioning is upsetting him and they must show by example that your DS isn't to be dragged in to this interrogation any more.
I think your completely right in insisting that your DS be left out of this issue with immediate effect. And the parent should be told in no uncertain terms to cease harassing your DS.
Poor DS.

wheresthewine36 · 09/02/2017 14:09

Why are they still questioning him about it?! He's given an account of the incident, that should be the end of it unless new information comes to light. You are absolutely not being unreasonable to put a stop to it. Whichever parent approached him should be bloody ashamed of themselves!

OhBigHairyBollocks · 09/02/2017 14:10

Parents approaching him on the way to school!? That's a huge safeguarding issue in itself, absolutely outrageous!

I totally agree with you OP. Poor DS.

Although, am I the only one that thinks this is a bit of an overreaction? They are 8 FGS. What a lot of fuss for spitting Confused

livefornaps · 09/02/2017 14:10

Give 'em hell. And big up your ds sticking to his guns

KondosSecretJunkRoom · 09/02/2017 14:12

Your poor DS. Tell them to get fucked. Cheeky buggers.

KoalaDownUnder · 09/02/2017 14:12

YANBU. For goodness' sake, they need to either drop it and move on, or find some other way of getting the information.

Poor kid!

Original poster
lalalalyra · 09/02/2017 14:12

I'm absolutely livid that one of them approached him. I'm trying to stay calmish until I know what happened exactly, but I'm raging.

They keep questioning him because both boys are so adamant he was looking. It feels like a 2 v 1 thing and it's feeling as if DS is somehow the one in the wrong - despite the fact the 2 members of staff in the roon with them and 5 other pupils have had their "didn't see" presumably accepted as fact.

I'm getting more annoyed as pick up time gets closer. I hope I don't bump into either of the parents.

OP posts:
Original poster
lalalalyra · 09/02/2017 14:14

ohbighairy I can see why there's a big fuss tbh - if someone deliberately spat in DS's face I'd be furious, but they can't hound someone who didn't see

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 09/02/2017 14:14

Your poor ds

Those parents should bloody know better. Pouncing like vultures on your poor kid just to try and get their kids off the hook for either lying of being a bully or both. Disgusting behaviour.

And wtf with the constant interrogation. How many times do they need to hear the same story Angry

Sisinisawa · 09/02/2017 14:15

It's harassment. If you know which parent I'd call the police for them to have a word.

harderandharder2breathe · 09/02/2017 14:16

Yanbu, he's told them what he saw/didn't see, there's no point continuing to harass him, it's like they think he's lying which as you've pointed out, he wouldn't because he'd want to defend his friend if he could. So yes, i would tell them to stop questioning him, as they're upsetting him and there's nothing else he can tell them

The parents are acting really badly. They shouldn't be approaching your DS or coming to the house.

Shakirasma · 09/02/2017 14:16

YANBU it seems the parents of the boys involved and the school are making far too big a thing of this incident.

I can only imaging it's the parents who are fired up about it and instead of shutting them down and drawing a line under it, the school are allowing them to drag it out.

Your poor DS is an innocent in all this!

Isadora2007 · 09/02/2017 14:17

Yanbu

Icantstopeatinglol · 09/02/2017 14:17

That is ridiculous! Your poor ds! They should be talking to the two boys and leaving your son out of it!
I'd be furious too and not sure I wouldn't be able to say something to the parent who approached him.

steff13 · 09/02/2017 14:18

Good Lord! One kid spat at another, it wasn't a stabbing. They need to let it go.

Jooni · 09/02/2017 14:21

Of course YANBU. Your poor DS. Good on him for sticking to his guns though, he sounds like a very fair and honest boy.

OhJustPassTheCake · 09/02/2017 14:21

My GOD I would have been round to the school like a SHOT if a parent had spoken to my son about something which ended with him being upset!! YANBU at all, get down there and let your mothers instinct do it's thang! x

bumsexatthebingo · 09/02/2017 14:24

Jesus talk about overdoing it. Why they have spoken to your child more than once is baffling! Y are absolutely NBU to insist he isn't spoken to again. I would tell that to the school and that they are upsetting your child and ask them to request that parents stop approaching him as well.

Funnyonion17 · 09/02/2017 14:25

Wow, the poor boy is being harrased. Shame on them all. I would ask for the school to tell the parents to back off.

EweAreHere · 09/02/2017 14:32

Email the school and tell them they do no have your consent to talk to your child any more about the incident. Be specific: he wasn't involved; he didn't see it; he's been question; they are upsetting him; and now parents of the children involved are harassing him.

You are formally withdrawing permission for them to talk to him about it any more, other than to apologize to him for handling it badly. Which they should do, btw.

EweAreHere · 09/02/2017 14:33

cc the Chair of the Board of Governors

Notthecarwashagain · 09/02/2017 14:38

Your poor DS.
The other parents are so out of order!

How would the school deal with it if there was no one else around?!
That's what they should be doing.

Madness!

TheMysteriousJackelope · 09/02/2017 14:40

YANBU.

I would inform the Head that the constant interrogation by staff has lead the parents to believe that your DS did witness something. This has resulted in a safeguarding issue as he is being harassed on his way to and from school by an adult to the point where he is now scared to walk on his own.

I would also ask the Head to explain why the accounts of other pupils and staff who were in the room and saw nothing were accepted while your DS's was not.

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