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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to get an injunction

24 replies

Towanttohavewords · 06/02/2017 15:05

My Ex & I have been separated for nearly a year. It has been extremely bitter to the point that on the weekend I told him I will only communicate through a solicitor as his vile texts actually make me feel physically sick. One day he will send Youtube links of soppy songs & say how he is crying & then the next day I am the biggest cunt and slag. I've had enough & blocked his number.

I have a NP who I see every week. I also have my DS living with me (18 in June) all his friends are already 18.

I stayed at np house on Saturday night. DS had some mates over and they were all drinking but not excessively. I phoned DS at about 10.30pm to make sure he (& house) were all ok. They sounded like they were having a great time.
Ex came to pick DS up for football on Sunday morning & took photos of empty bottles etc (he could have staged it for all I know) . Because he is blocked he sent me an email :

Tried calling but assume you have blocked me again. Will have to communicate through a solicitor if that's what you want. Pity, it's likely to be very expensive and get extremely nasty. Needless to say leaving a 17 yo alone to binge drink and supplying alcohol to other minors will be seen as being an irresponsible parent. Suggest you make contact to avoid this. Call me now or I'll know which route you,ve chosen.'

I didn't respond. 2 hrs later there was knock at my door - I had a feeling it was him - so I'm crawling on my hands and knees to avoid detection in my own house !! he went away only to return an hour later - he saw me (crawling again) as he was looking through the letter box. I refused to open the door.

AIBU wanting an injunction ? As background my son has had to call the police previously due to his dad threatening suicide during our break up.

OP posts:

greenworm · 06/02/2017 15:16

He sounds hideous. He must know his threat is totally empty, your DS is 18 in 4 months, what does he actually think he can achieve via a solicitor?

EmeraldScorn · 06/02/2017 15:34

He's a bully and he's trying to frighten you into submission, what an utter dickhead.

Continue to do as you are, ignore all contact from him and do not rise to any attempts to provoke you.

Your son is nearly 18, what can any court really do about a few teens having an impromptu drinking session? Next to nothing!

He thinks he has some sort of ammunition to use as leverage against you in order to make you do as he demands - He has nothing, he is being ridiculous but control freaks usually are.

You could apply for a non molestation order, it's a straight forward and often quick process; Do it asap!

Dawndonnaagain · 06/02/2017 15:48

Non molestation order forms Print off, fill in, take to local family court. Doesn't cost, will only cost to serve the papers and only in some cases. Some courts will serve them for free and some will allow you to send them to the solicitor of the person you are serving so that they serve them.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 06/02/2017 15:52

A non mol does involve going to court and he will have a chance to defend himself in a hearing.

harderandharder2breathe · 06/02/2017 15:53

Yanbu

I can't imagine the court would care that an almost 18 year old and his 18 year old mates had a few beers in private property with no issues (no fights, no medical attention required, no property destruction)

It's an empty threat. Ignore all communication from him except via the solicitor as you've requested

AndNowItsSeven · 06/02/2017 15:54

The law is age five for alcohol at home!

Lovewineandchocs · 06/02/2017 15:57

Yes a non-mol is the way to go I think. Your son is nearly 18, the courts will do sweet FA. I think your ex knows this and is just trying to use it to intimidate you into contacting him. Yes, he'll have to appear to defend himself but if you have evidence of his harassment that shouldn't be a problem. Here in NI you can get an ex parte (temporary emergency where he isn't notified of the order until after you get it) non-mol if he is an immediate threat, then a date is set for a hearing for a permanent one. I'm sure someone here can advise if it is the same wherever you are.

TwoTicketsToTeesside · 06/02/2017 15:59

AndNow is right. This is from the drinkaware site:

^It is not illegal:
For a child aged five to 16 to drink alcohol at home or on other private premises.^

So just ignore him. He is trying to get you to contact him. Don't rise to it.

UnimaginativeUser · 06/02/2017 16:04

Drinking Laws

It's not illegal for a 17 year old to drink alcohol in their own house, so he won't have a leg to stand on. How many other 17 year olds don't drink with their (already "legal") mates nowadays? At least he was in a home environment and not sat in a park drinking cheap cider like me and my mates did when we were that age!

I can't decide whether he's just a total control freak or whether he actually has some MH issues. Either way, it's not healthy for either of you to continue like this.

I would consult either your solicitor or the local CAB and see what they suggest, but in any event for you. I don't suppose the boys left you any did they? Sounds like you deserve a glass!

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 06/02/2017 16:18

I wouldn't do anything at all, OP. Any solicitor will tell him that, given DS is nearly 18, no court will take any interest whatsoever. He can't actually do anything at all. Nothing.

It would probably do you good to actually confront your Ex, to answer the door, unless of course you have reason to fear violence. By crawling on your hands and knees you're letting him control you, even in your own home. What about telling him that his threats are piffle and inviting him to swivel? Or words to that effect.

Confronting our fears can be exhilarating.

sillyofthevalley · 06/02/2017 16:22

A non mol (injunction) is for situations where there is a risk to safety on the back of threats of, or actual violence. I'd say it's disproportionate at this stage but you should look at getting a solicitor to do a warning letter.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 06/02/2017 16:36

What the others said. I'm sorry you're going through this but you haven't done anything wrong. Get your solicitor to write him a sharply worded warning. That's the first stage.

notarehearsal · 07/02/2017 09:48

Firstly I'd let him know very clearly that he is no longer welcome on your property. Secondly I'd be speaking to ds to let him know and for him to make alternative arrangements with his father in future. I'd block him on your usual email address and maybe set another up solely for him. You are then in control of when (if) you see or read it. As your son is almost 18 there will be little you actually need to discuss with this man on a day to day basis.
I think that until you are clear of your own expectations re him coming to your door he will use the ' I was only collecting my son' card.

notarehearsal · 07/02/2017 09:49

Oh and as for his silly email. I'd completely ignore

user892 · 07/02/2017 09:58

I'd send one single email back. One time. No more. Then block his email address (if you can?)

This is a final communication in order to notify you that any further contact from yourself will be deemed as harassment - If you call / email / visit me I will approach the police. Please address all correspondence to my solicitor

Don't even engage him in any discussion about his ridiculous threats. He's got nothing on you. Let him know you're not phased / scared and carry through if he breaches your warning. You shouldn't have to put up with this.

DJBaggySmalls · 07/02/2017 10:03

YANBU, he sounds controlling.

Next time, dont crawl on the floor. Its your home. There is no law that says you have to answer the phone or open the door.

user892 · 07/02/2017 10:07

Yes - next time - stand at the window and flick the Vs! joking

SpackenDeDoich · 07/02/2017 10:13

I'm seconding the Non molestation. He is a nasty cunt with absolutely nothing to beat you with. A man with no stick gets fucling annoying so yeah. A non mol is the way to go.

SpackenDeDoich · 07/02/2017 10:15

Also

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 07/02/2017 10:24

You're unlikely to get one though, is the thing. There is no evidence of persistent harrassment or threat if violence. They can be difficult to get even when you have documented evidence.

notarehearsal · 07/02/2017 10:47

If, after you have made it clear you do not want him to come to your home, he still does, you would have grounds to ask the police to issue an harrasment warning. This warning will be given in person by the police and, should he break it, the police ( or courts, I'm not sure) can issue a harrasment order.
I can't see a court granting a non mol at this stage ( but happy to be corrected)
He's a bully and he sounds as if he's panicking about losing his control.

RacoonBandit · 07/02/2017 10:55

YANBU I echo pp. Get a non mol.
You have no reason to keep in contact with him as your DS is old enough to manage contact with dad.

He sounds like a bully and a twat.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/02/2017 11:00

I can't see a court granting a non mol at this stage

Nor can I tbh.

FlyWaxSleepRepeat · 07/02/2017 11:03

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

"Suggest you make contact to avoid this", what a gobshite.

He just wants a response, any response and anything you do other than ignore just gives it more oxygen.

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