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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dd8 and vest for PE

22 replies

chloem030908 · 31/01/2017 17:02

When picking up from school today her class teacher pulled me aside and asked if dd could keep on her vest for PE, the reason she gave dd was that she is much taller than the rest of the class (she is) and that's why she should

Now I know Dd has started growing small buds and have asked her previously if she wanted to wear a vest but she hasn't seemed fussed, so I've left it so far. Plus she tends to get hot easily.

Aibu to be irritated by this and feel that if they feel this strongly about it they should issue out a letter to all parents to ensure ALL the children wear vests and not single out a child because they are 'taller' that the rest of the class?

OP posts:

Trifleorbust · 31/01/2017 17:18

YABU. If she is growing breasts then the other children will be aware of it whether she wears a vest or not. She should be encouraged to wear appropriate clothing because that is her body shape now. The other children will catch up in due course.

YellowBlinds · 31/01/2017 17:19

...why would she not wear a vest for PE? It isn't topless sports, surely?

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 31/01/2017 17:21

A vest in addition to a t-shirt? Are her buds moving when she runs?

harderandharder2breathe · 31/01/2017 17:21

Assuming they're not going topless what difference does a vest make? Her little buds are still going to exist!

Yanbu to not force her but should start encouraging her towards the idea of vests or crop tops so she's more comfortable, but if she's not fussed then don't push it.

user1471467016 · 31/01/2017 17:21

Yabvu- a lot if the kids here do wear vests, parents with foresight.

Trifleorbust · 31/01/2017 17:21

They do wear kit as well, I assume? I would add that they can't force her to wear a vest if she is appropriately covered otherwise.

apeculiarparcel · 31/01/2017 17:34

When dd was in yr4 or 5 the teacher suggested that all the girls wore vests or crop tops. I assume for this reason. Seems a bit odd to single her out rather than send a note out to all

YippieKayakOtherBuckets · 31/01/2017 17:39

Or is it something to do with changing?

AQuietMind · 01/02/2017 17:45

If her pe t shirt is white I can imagine why a vest would be needed.

If she is starting to grow breasts I think you need to get her some crop tops or training bras.

Yabu.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/02/2017 17:47

But wet if the teacher to say it's because she's taller than the others rather than the real reason.

AliciaMayEmory · 01/02/2017 17:49

I should imagine its for when they are getting changed. From their uniform to their pe kit. DD has recently started wearing a crop top for similar reasons but then they all seem to cram into the girls' toilet to change away from the boys so she's not too fussed if she forgets.

Goingtobeawesome · 01/02/2017 18:19

*Bit wet of..

DianaMitford · 01/02/2017 18:30

What about crop tops? I got my dd9 some recently from M&S as a mid-step to a bra. They're white cotton, soft and comfortable.

Dd15 wasn't keen on wearing bras at first but I told her the time had come to wear one because of her changing shape. She got used to it

PebbleInTheMoonlight · 01/02/2017 18:36

Perfectly reasonable.

It's not just about your daughter, it's about making the environment as neutral and comfortable as possible for all children.

It's entirely possible that other boys/girls have mentioned to the teacher/their parents they aren't comfortable with your DD being topless when changing and she's the only one doing so hence the private word.

My daughter wears a crop top on days she has to change in front of others.

Kitsandkids · 01/02/2017 18:57

I imagine that the teacher has perhaps noticed other children staring at your daughter when changing, as she is developing, but perhaps she didn't want to make your daughter feel embarrassed and sort of bumbled through the 'tall' explanation?

Personally I'd send her in a vest. My 2 boys still wear vests in Years 3 and 4 except for during the very hottest parts of the year and even then I think I do send them in vests on PE days - partly as my eldest has a bit of a tummy and I don't want to draw other kids' attention to it as he has slight SEN and is a bit of a target for bullies as it is.

Flisstizzy · 01/02/2017 19:08

My dd asks to wear a vest or crop top for this reason. It's a privacy issue and it's not unreasonable IMO.

AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered · 01/02/2017 19:20

YABU, if she's started puberty early she needs to be made aware of the changes happening to her body and when it's not appropriate to bare all.

DropZoneOne · 01/02/2017 20:54

Why not buy her some crop tops and leave them in her drawer. Let her find them, try them on, see if she likes them.

My DD8 asked if she could have vests because some of her classmates did. I pointed out the vests in her drawer (full length ones) which was met with derision. Bought M&S crop vests, left them in her drawer, and got a huge hug the next day!

I reckon if your DD starts to wear a crop vest on PE days, it'll be a week or two before her classmates join in!

OopsDearyMe · 01/02/2017 21:32

Mine wants to wear crop tops because everyone else was wearing them, then realised how uncomfortable they were. I say leave her alone, she'll be trussed into a bra for long enough. I developed early and remember my mum co meeting one day about mine, it made me really self conscious. I would talk to her, tell her she's got the choice. Don't say anything about the conversation at school,that might make her think everyone's commenting on her. Just say that at her age her breasts are likely to be coming through and she should be thinking about ensuring she wears the right clothing too protect her modesty. Show her the choices and let her decide.

Not sure I'm all that cool with forcing our daughters into bras anyway. What's wrong with letting them be free. As long as they are still small of course. You only need a bra if they're going to jiggle all over and give you black eyes surely.

Hairyfairy01 · 01/02/2017 22:27

She's only 8. It's great that she feels comfortable with her own body. If other people are uncomfortable with it that's their problem. She'll cover up when society makes her feel self conscious, which probably won't be long.

user1477282676 · 01/02/2017 22:36

I feel very strongly about girls being made to wear things they don't need or want.

The teacher can go and jump.

If your DD is happy, then let her be.

I don't and never have worn a bra. I was bought some when I developed but hated them. So, I wore vest tops instead when I was a teen. I don't CARE if people can see my nipples.

If they can't cope that's their problem.

angelikacpickles · 01/02/2017 22:40

Is this about her being topless while changing for PE, or is it about what she wears to actually do PE?

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