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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to be mad as hell

23 replies

user1473008242 · 30/01/2017 17:21

My dd is 14 with special needs and need high level of care. She has been poorly the last week and I've had 0 hours sleep in the last 3 days ( totally dead on my feet) dh thinks I should go to work come home cook and clean and do everything for our daughter why he sits on his arse complaining he's dying from a cold!!! I've gone on strike and taken myself to bed and he's insists I'm a selfish bitch for leaving him fend for himself aibu to take myself to bed and let him fend for himself

OP posts:

FearTheLiving · 30/01/2017 17:22

Yabu for marrying such a useless prick.

LTBforGin · 30/01/2017 17:24

Who's looking after your poorly dd?

LouKout · 30/01/2017 17:24

Was your DH up too?

If so i would say it's probably the stress talking with him too, and when you are both sleep deprived its not worth arguing but best to get some rest and addrsss it later.

If he left you to do it all and then called you a selfish bitch then of course its an entirely different story and his behaviour is disgusting.

LouKout · 30/01/2017 17:25

Feartheliving YABU for offering such heartless advice to someine who is suffering.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 30/01/2017 17:25

OP you need to sleep. You're going to be really poorly, that's completely unsustainable. Get some rest and then deal with your arsehole of a husband later. He needs to seriously buck his ideas up. That's ridiculous.

Original poster

user1473008242 · 30/01/2017 17:27

My dd is upstairs with me.... He isn't sleep deprived he sleeps all night every night

OP posts:

LTBforGin · 30/01/2017 17:31

Yadnbu

You're sick. He's sick. Dd is sick. He's had sleep. You haven't. If he can't fend for himself for an evening then something is seriously wrong with him.

Hope you're all better soon

LouKout · 30/01/2017 17:38

Is he always like this?

Villagernumber9 · 30/01/2017 17:38

No! You're not being unreasonable. When my wife is tired, I sort the house and kids out and vise versa.
Marriage should be an equal partnership. I mean, bloody hell, this is the 21st century, not the 19th.

expatinscotland · 30/01/2017 17:42

Leave him to it. Calling you a 'selfish bitch'? I'd be reevaluating this relationship.

Original poster

user1473008242 · 30/01/2017 17:46

I have left him to it I understand he works to and isn't very well but for god sake he's a grown man that can cook and do household chores which he normally does but this last week he is just a flipping head case and a lazy b##### d

OP posts:

harderandharder2breathe · 30/01/2017 17:50

You know (I hope!) that you're not the unreasonable one here!

He's a grown man! He can boil an egg and toast some bread for dinner and do it for you and DD as well as himself. Or if he can't stand to cook, go to the nearest chip shop for all of you.

You need sleep. You're no good to anyone when you've had no sleep in 3 days. He has a cold. He needs to suck it up and be a grown up and a partner and take over with DD for a while so you can sleep.

thatdearoctopus · 30/01/2017 17:53

What is it with (some) men and illness? I've just had this with my (otherwise competent and hands-on) dh. He spent the whole 3 weeks that I was ill over Christmas, muttering dark threats about how awful (and of course much worse) it would be if he caught it.
Which he didn't. Thank Christ! we'd be divorced already.

Original poster

user1473008242 · 30/01/2017 17:54

I don't think IBU he just needs to stop being selfish and help out it isn't much to ask of him I don't think

OP posts:

zen1 · 30/01/2017 17:57

So, what does he do to share the load when he doesn't have a cold?

Original poster

user1473008242 · 30/01/2017 18:13

He normally helps out with the household chores but because he has a sniffle its the end of the world ... Don't get me wrong I don't mind cooking and cleaning etc but when I've had 0 sleep in 3 days its not much to ask of him to load the dishwasher and cook a meal

OP posts:

AddToBasket · 30/01/2017 18:20

Neither of you are being unreasonable. You are both tired and ill.

ohtheholidays · 30/01/2017 18:29

He needs to give himself a fucking massive kick up the arse!!

You must feel bloody dead on your feet,does he not understand if things carry on like that you could end up really ill yourself and then he'd have to manage everything and all on his own whilst also looking after you?!

Have you still been going to work whilst not getting any sleep at all?
If you have is there any way you could take a couple of days of(sick)or work from home?I know that can be easier said than done we have 5DC and 2 of our DC have special needs and I'm disabled as well,but sometimes needs must.

I know having a cold can make you feel like death warmed up but he's getting to sleep and rest and he's being taking care of by you.
It sounds like it's about time someone took care of you for a few days.

I hope your poor DD feels much better soon(if she has this nasty virus that's going around 2 of our DC ended up on antibiotics because they ended up with bad chest infections so it's worth keeping an eye on it)and that you start being able to get some sleep again

Original poster

user1473008242 · 30/01/2017 18:51

Ohtheholidays im taking tomorrow off thank the lord... Luckily dd has fallen asleep so I can relax without the stress of her....thank you for your kind words tomorrow is a new day 🌷

OP posts:

haveacupoftea · 30/01/2017 19:41

You are both tired and fed up. YANBU though. Hope the whole house feels better soon.

ohtheholidays · 30/01/2017 19:55

That's good,I hope you manage to have a very relaxing day.

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 31/01/2017 14:29

He normally helps out with the household chores

This is what is wrong with your relationship, and unfortunately so many others.

You and your DH both have jobs outside the home. You both have a DD. So far so equal. And yet, by default it's also your job to do all the household chores because you have a vagina. Anything that he contributes is considered "helping" i.e. it's above and beyond what is expected of him. Does he think you are "helping" when you do the washing or the cleaning? Or does he just expect that of you?

Allthewaves · 31/01/2017 14:31

Order takeaway for couple of days, stuff the house work.

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