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Original poster

Returning from ML with sick kids - Help!

28 replies

Ohbuggermebugger · 30/01/2017 07:29

I'm meant to be returning to work this week after 6 months ML but both children, 3 and 6 months are sick, both have stinking colds and this coughing virus that is doing the rounds. Nursery don't want a contagious 3 year old back until she's better, understandable, and both mine and DH mums are unwilling to look after 6 month old while she's so poorly, understandable again (also doesn't help they were both SAHM's so think I should be at home).

I've just emailed my boss and been honest and said both children are ill and can I delay coming back by a week.

Would you have done that or made up another excuse?

I know it looks terrible having to delay due to sic kids and I can imagine my boss will be rolling her eyes (she doesn't have any children).

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 30/01/2017 07:31

Cant be helped but I think I would have pushed dh to have the time off in this instance.

EIsbethTascioni · 30/01/2017 07:32

Why would it be another week? Maybe would have been better to see how each day goes?

Having three kids who seem to get every bug going is one reason I haven't gone back to work (my health is also rubbish which is the main reason).

reallybadidea · 30/01/2017 07:33

Yes, why couldn't your DH take time off?

Huldra · 30/01/2017 07:35

This happened to me on my return from maternity leave so my husband took the time off until they were better. He hadn't had to the any time off for sick kids for a substantial amount of time.

Original poster
Ohbuggermebugger · 30/01/2017 07:36

Don't get me started on DH, he's self employed so if he doesn't work he doesn't get paid. I always thought things would be 'equal' if we had children but somehow, childcare is always left to me!

OP posts:
Original poster
Ohbuggermebugger · 30/01/2017 07:37

And I know what you're all going to say, "well if he's self employed he can take the time off easily" Yep, I know! But it doesn't happen because he will protest the whole if he doesn't work he doesn't earn any money.

OP posts:
NightCzar · 30/01/2017 07:50

This happened to me on day 1 of my return from second ML. DH had a board meeting so couldn't miss it. We paid an agency nurse for the day and DH got home mid-afternoon

liquidrevolution · 30/01/2017 08:04

This happened to me. In fact I used 50% off my annual leave in the first month as DD picked up every bug going from starting childcare. Work should expect this.

JanuaryMoods · 30/01/2017 08:14

You need to put your foot down with DH. He's being a prick, you could lose your job if he doesn't step up.

shinynewusername · 30/01/2017 08:19

I get that your DH is self-employed, but surely you are going to lose pay or holiday as well, by taking the week off?

Yura · 30/01/2017 08:27

in case you need arguments to talk to your husband: mine is self employed, and if the kids are sick its mainly him taking time of as while he won't get paid, he also won't fire himself ;)
helps that i earn a lot more than him though ( and i do weekends and evenings/nights so he can catch up a bit).
the only exceptions are if he has a deadline looming literally the next day or so, or longer times of sicknes (3 days plus), than i will take 1 day annual leave.

SavoyCabbage · 30/01/2017 08:30

When I went back my dd was ill on the first day too. My dh was 'what are you going to do' so I told him I was going to work. I don't think he'd thought that he was in the mix at all! He's lovely and everything but as I had not been working he was used to being able to work every day without a thought of the dc.

He had to take three days off work and since then has adjusted the way he thinks about the dc and all that goes with them getting ill, needing to be collected from football etc.

aprilanne · 30/01/2017 08:40

i would not worry about it are you intitled to 9 months ml anyway another week wont harm.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 30/01/2017 08:52

He won't get paid but if you don't work something out, you won't have a job. At the very least it will affect your progression at work more than the fact that you have already had two lots of maternity leave already has affected your career progression.

Hellmouth · 30/01/2017 08:54

This is happening to me right now. I've ended up taking holiday to cover it. Luckily, I've got 30 days until end of April.

splendide · 30/01/2017 09:17

This also happened to me. DH was a SAHD so all should have been simple but DS foiled us by refusing all fluids/ food except breastmilk so I had to be off on my second week back.

FrozeninSummer · 30/01/2017 09:18

I disagree with liquid that work will expect this. And that's coming from someone in HR. Obviously it's known that children are I'll occasionally and parents need short notice leave but I wouldn't go as far to say it's expected...And definitely not on day 1 of a return to work. Your manager won't say anything but tbh there probably will be some eye rolling if plans have been made for a return to work, as others have said on my 1st day back I'd expect my DP to pick up the slack unless there was a legitimate reason (as per the board meeting pp stated).

It's done now so don't worry about it butoving forward it sounds like you and your DH need to think about what your contingency is because any good will from your employer will soon run out if it always falls to you when your children are Ill. Not saying that to be harsh OP I know it's difficult.

littledinaco · 30/01/2017 09:20

Can your DH not make the time up another time? I know not all self employed rolls allow for this but you may need to sit down and discuss this with him properly as sick kids is going to happen for the next 10+ years and it can't be down to you to always stay off work.
Maybe DH needs to look for paid employment if his current job isn't flexible enough or start putting money aside each month for 'sick days' so you can share it as the situation doesn't really sound sustainable in the long term.

TENSHI · 30/01/2017 09:21

Well I would be out the door first.

If he doesn't value your income then this is a wake up call.

Why not invent a disciplinary if you have to to get him to pull his weight?

Honestly cannot believe people's husbands sometimes but you have to be firm.

If you can't depend on him then say you'll going to be a SAHM otherwise the stress will do you in.

EineKleine · 30/01/2017 09:24

I'd have been honest too, and on the generous side with the delay too because where I work, the dribs and drabs of "one day off, sorry no make that two, oops I mean 3" are much harder to plan round than a week or two's delay with a definite return day you can stick to. Don't worry about it, they are probably pleased to have you back after only 6 months.

I think it is worth persisting with getting your DH to take the odd day off, even though in this case you may be best placed. It is an important precedent, not just for sickness but for school drop offs etc when they are older. My DH works with an office full of colleagues whose work is apparently far too important to allow them to do drop offs etc. They do the same job (well, DH has been promoted now but they used to do the same job), DH does drop offs, they don't. This is not luck, it's DH respecting my work too and making it happen.

FrozeninSummer · 30/01/2017 09:28

April not quite as simple as that unfortunately as OP presumably opted to take 6 months ML so isn't just as simple as saying the week before "I need another week". OP would need to give notice of a change in return date and she's too near to that stage now. This absence is therefore likely to be unpaid domestic emergency leave (unless the employer is particularly generous). If you have a/l accrued op you could ask to use that so you get paid but a/l is subject to management approval.

Just saying this so you aren't misled by incorrect information. I think in the circumstances you describe you had little choice to do what you have but I do think you need to talk to DH about having plans in place for the future

MuMuMuuuum · 30/01/2017 09:28

Not ideal at all. What's done is done and you were honest but I would investigate your options in case this happens again.

I agree with posters your DH should have stayed home. I'm the breadwinner and self employed but 100% would have stayed home in the same circumstances.

Alternative emergency agency options would be my second choice. Really you shouldn't have to but I would sign up and get registered.

Your boss might be a bit Confused but hopefully respect your honesty.

Introvertedbuthappy · 30/01/2017 09:33

You need to get DH to take days off. This happened on the first day I returned from ML too - he knew it was important to make a good impression going back so he took the day off, answering important calls and emails from home when possible. You need to avoid setting this precedent.

Also, why a week off rather than 2 days? That seems a bit much.

Talith · 30/01/2017 09:47

I think this is pretty common. They start at nursery just before you return to work and instantly pick up a lurgy. I remember commuting for two hours to go to client site... first day back at work... new outfit... careful prep.... got there and nursery called to say my babe had been vomiting. Turned around and went home without even taking off my coat! Can't be helped.

These days I ringfence partic important meetings in advance (as far as poss) and DH does too so and we commit to cover each other on those occasions which helps avoid some embarrassment if and when shit hits the fan.

shovetheholly · 30/01/2017 09:58

Obviously I don't know your boss and her attitude. But I am childless and when I was a manager I hope I gave those who did have children plenty of leeway and understanding in similar situations. Not all of us are terrible, dyed in the wool career fiends. Smile

I think you did the thing that made sense for your family.

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