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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BIL and baby name more wwyd

27 replies

Rosae · 23/01/2017 19:29

Inspired by the recent threads about baby names. Has been on my mind for a while.

Soon after our lo was born my sis and get family came to visit. When arranging this she asked if we had any nicknames for lo. I said yes and told her and she said good cos BIL was wanting to know what to call her - they already had the full name. I thought this was a little odd,especially as they have insisted their children are called by full names and call my brother's kids by their full names. However i was busy with my newborn so didn't ask.
Next time she visited I remembered and commented to her that it was weird. She rolled her eyes and said that it's cos we picked the name they had picked for if their boy was a girl and he's a bit miffed so doesn't want to call her the full name. We were unaware they'd had a girl's name picked, tho tbh it wouldn't have changed our choice as this was a name I wanted for a baby since childhood. I am very glad they didn't have a girl!
It's not really a problem as we have many nicknames for her but I have noticed that he is always very careful to use her nickname and corrects his children to do the same if they use her full name. Would you say something?

OP posts:

Spadequeen · 23/01/2017 19:31

I would say something when he corrects his children and say 'no that's fine [insert name], that is her name, I like hearing it. Thank you.

If your bil makes any further comment then you can follow up if you want to.

FatOldBag · 23/01/2017 19:32

Yeah I think I'd have to point out that he was being a bit of a twat, but I have no patience for that sort of bullshit.

HerBluebiro · 23/01/2017 19:32

Don't say anything. Don't let it rile you.

People are weird.

Unlikely your daughter will notice anything.

If they had a girl instead of a not, you probably would have called your daughter something else. Or you might have given her the same name as her cousin.

But sounds like he is maybe dreaming of the daughter he didn't have. People can be strange about such things.

Just ignore

Coffeeisnecessary · 23/01/2017 19:33

Yes I would definitely correct and keep correcting to the name you want them to use. Not your fault if they wanted to use that name- you weren't to know anyway. Loads of people shorten my ds name and it drives me mad! He can choose to shorten it when he is older but we call him his full name now and expect others to follow suit. Doesn't stop the mil trying though!

HerBluebiro · 23/01/2017 19:34

Ah sorry just seen you probably would have kept the name anyway.

He's still being weird about it

iwilldoit30 · 23/01/2017 19:34

Your bil is an idiot! And what if he never had a girl?

TheresABluebirdOnMyShoulder · 23/01/2017 19:34

That's so pathetic. He needs to get over himself. Using her nickname is one thing, but correcting his children when they use her proper name is just ridiculous.

If he's using a nickname that you all use then I don't think you can ask him to stop and insist that he uses her full name. But if he's the only one then you can definitely ask him to use the proper name. And when he corrects the children, you just say "Don't be silly, of course they can call her X, it's her name after all!" as patronisingly as you can manage.

iwilldoit30 · 23/01/2017 19:35

Has rather.

TheCraicDealer · 23/01/2017 19:37

I wouldn't say anything, just constantly use her actual name pointedly in front of him and their kids. It would be enough for me to know that he's annoyed about it enough to do this without making more of an issue of it.

HorridHenryrule · 23/01/2017 19:39

Yes but it's rude and may offend some people. He would not be allowed back in my house if it was me. Only talk to your sister he will get the message.

HorridHenryrule · 23/01/2017 19:40

Bluebird is better than me patronise him and make him feel like a fool.

Original poster

Rosae · 23/01/2017 19:40

Sorry, I didn't mean if they used the name I would too. If they had had a girl I would have chosen a different name. I meant if we had known that this was the name they had picked if their first boy had been a girl I wouldn't really have thought anything of it and used it anyway.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 23/01/2017 19:41

I'm afraid I'd correct them all with a 'No, her name is....' and only me and DH will be calling her Nickname. I have a nickname (bastardisation of my real name created by small relative who couldn't manage the difficult full thing) and only close family use it. Everyone else is reminded of my actual name.

chitofftheshovel · 23/01/2017 19:44

Or start using a different name for him and his kids, see how he likes them apples.

ChasedByBees · 23/01/2017 19:46

I would stop him correcting his children like others have suggested. It sounds irritating.

MakeMyWineADouble · 23/01/2017 19:50

If you don't mind nicknames then You could leave it alone, I would however be quick to jump when he corrects them on the use of her name 'no they are right that is her name' and repeat till it sinks in. Personally as your Bil is being an ass I would stop all nicknames and firmly repeat 'actually we have decided she should be called her name' till he grows up!

Wolpertinger · 23/01/2017 19:54

If he thinks he can avoid calling her by her real name for her whole life, he is sadly delusional.

I'd start correcting him, and saying you aren't using the nickname much after all.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 23/01/2017 19:56

I'd ask him straight out why he refuses to call your daughter by her actual name. He'll either mumble some crap about "don't know what you mean" to which you can tell him to call her by her name, or he'll tell you his shite reason and you can tell him not to be so bloody stupid, X is her name and you would appreciate him calling her that and not correcting her cousins when they call your DD her actual name.

PyongyangKipperbang · 23/01/2017 19:57

He hates his kids having nicknames, so the same rule applies to yours.

Or you start shortening his kids names and when he pulls you up on it you point out that as he was nicknaming your DD you assumed he was ok with that now.

Floralnomad · 23/01/2017 20:08

If I were you I would not waste any of my time thinking about this , just feel very sorry for your sister as she is married to a complete pillock.

liquidrevolution · 23/01/2017 20:17

Keep correcting him until your DD is old enough to respond with 'thats not my name uncle, dont be silly'.

He is being an idiot. What does your Dsis say about it? Will she back you up?

Ellisandra · 23/01/2017 20:17

Your poor sister - no wonder she rolled her eyes!
She has been honest with you and sounds sympathetic - so I might not put BIL in his place actually.
I would if they're all regularly seeing you, but not if it's a once a year visit type situation.
Is he usually a totally bellend?

HorridHenryrule · 23/01/2017 20:52

She rolled her eyes because she didn't have a girl and that is the name she would have given her. I think is disrespectful to the healthy son she had. I change my mind the two of them sound like fools.

Ellisandra · 23/01/2017 20:58

I thought OP meant her sister rolled her eyes about what a prick her husband was being!

HorridHenryrule · 23/01/2017 21:03

You know what that's a point I never looked at it like that. She could have been. I still feel the same about the brother in law he sounds very controlling.

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