To feel let down?

[iwasagirlinavillage]

Name changed as this could be identifying.

Today was DD1s first proper birthday party. As well as some friends we invited her cousin. SIL replied that she was working but she would get someone else to bring DNiece. That was over a week ago. Today was the last party and DN didn't come. DH contacted SIL and she said she forgot to remind her husband this morning and he probably forgot.

Me and SIL get on fine but have never been pals like I think DH wants us to be. But recently I've tried to make more of an effort - arranged a day out, sent messages just making conversation, etc and as a result I think we've started to build a friendship.

AIBU to feel let down that they didn't come today? We've always gone to DNs birthday parties. I think my recent effort is making me feel a bit hurt that they haven't made the effort.

YANBU to feel let down and hurt. But I think it's almost time to see that your SIL doesn't really want to make the effort so maybe it's best to keep a bit of distance. Still be friendly and caring but don't rely on her or put your trust in her.
Not everyone reciprocates in the way we'd like them too...it's important you have some boundaries and manage your expectations or you'll just keep getting hurt that it's not going the way you'd like it to.

That's really interesting as that's kind of what I was doing before and I was starting to think I was the one standing in the way of building a deeper relationship by not opening up or making enough of an effort. But you're right, now that I have made that effort its lead to me feeling worse when it's not reciprocated.

I agree with hmmmum 100%.

Why are you upset with your SIL? It's her husband who "probably forgot". He's as much a parent as she is - it's not her job to remind him. Please don't be upset with your SIL for not being her husband's PA while she is also at work.

To be fair, I am annoyed at both of them. I do agree that it's not down to her to remind him although she was very blaze about the fact he forgot to it seems as though she expected him to and if that's the case, and if it were important to her (even if not to him), she should have reminded him. We're having a family gathering as well and they can't come to that either. Fair enough that they had plans already but that would make me even more inclined to have come today so at least someone would have seen DD for her birthday.

I think that last post sounded a bit PFB! I don't expect people to drop everything to see my daughter on her birthday but I think she's pretty damn amazing and I thought close family were the ones who were supposed to think so too!

I think you're being a bit over-sensitive. I can understand why you're disappointed your niece wasn't there but it sounds like a genuine mistake - and not even SIL's mistake.

If someone was upset with me because my DP forgot something and they expected me to be responsible for him, I'd be very pissed off.