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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it rude to invite to hen party but not to wedding ceremony?

238 replies

iwannapuppy · 20/01/2017 21:01

So I'm getting married on a tight budget (we have just had a DS) and we can only afford to invite family and 3 friends each to the day part of the wedding. Would it be seen as rude to invite friends to my hen party but then only invite them to the evening reception? I don't to offend anyone, but also think if I don't invite them to the hen party they still might be pissed with me. I get that at any wedding you are bound to upset someone, but I really don't know what the etiquette is.

OP posts:
Rainbowqueeen · 20/01/2017 21:05

On a strict rule of etiquette I would say yes it is rude.

However that kind of assumes that you are having a big wedding with lots of guests. I would not consider you rude if you were my friend and invited me in the circumstances you describe (unless you werE planning an overnight stay and expected your costs to be covered). Night out somewhere local, pay my own costs and buy you a drink - fantastic.

Congrats on your wedding and I hope you have a lovely day

Floridasunset · 20/01/2017 21:06

I think that as you would be inviting so few people it will be ok. If you were having a big wedding then I think it would be expected to invite them to the day.

Congratulations on DS and the wedding

MrsPeel1 · 20/01/2017 21:07

If they're your friends, I'm sure they'll understand. Just explain, I'm sure it'll be fine.

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. Flowers

user1477282676 · 20/01/2017 21:16

I think it's rude yes. If you're having a small wedding then you can't really have the extra parts of that which in my opinion is the hen party...surely that's a special celebration pre-wedding, which you use as a way to further bond with your female guests?

AlmaMartyr · 20/01/2017 21:17

Yes, I think it is a bit rude but you can always explain the situation to your friends and ask if they would like to come anyway.

Spam88 · 20/01/2017 21:19

I invited our evening guests to my hen. I can't really see how it's rude at all, I think it's nice to give them the option of coming. I wouldn't invite anyone who wasn't invited to the wedding at all though.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/01/2017 21:21

I don't see the problem at all tbh.

I had evening guests only to my hen and have been to hens as an evening only guest.

MiniCooperLover · 20/01/2017 21:22

Yes it's rude. You're saying 'you're good enough to come on a night out and celebrate my wedding' but not actually good enough to celebrate my wedding. Hen do invitees should be full wedding invites.

Kai1977 · 20/01/2017 21:23

It may be awkward if there's chat about your wedding plans.

loaferloveforyou · 20/01/2017 21:25

I invited several evening only guests to my hen. They know the score and were happy to come to hen and celebrate with me in the evening.

If they are good enough friends to invite to your hen do, they are good enough to friends for you to explain the situation to.

Brown76 · 20/01/2017 21:25

I think you'd need to explain otherwise it would seem quite strange. But I think it could be fine, especially if you are just planning a low key night out and not a huge expensive hen holiday.

chaplin1409 · 20/01/2017 21:25

I went to a friends hen do as did quite a few others but only went to the evening do.

PeachMelba78 · 20/01/2017 21:26

No that's not rude. What was rude was my friend who invited me to her hen whist cheerfully telling me that I wasn't invited to her large wedding as she had so many family members coming! Needless to say I didn't go although I did invite her to my evening do of my wedding a few years later (we only had 20 during the day, which I told her).

ExitPursuedBySpartacus · 20/01/2017 21:27

If you are on a budget how can you afford a hen do?

Or put it another way, why waste limited resources on a hen do?

SprogletsMum · 20/01/2017 21:30

I went to a friend's hen party when I wasn't invited to any part of the wedding. She had a massive fairytale wedding, but I met her after the invites had gone out so I went along and enjoyed a nice night out.

Original poster
iwannapuppy · 20/01/2017 21:33

Minicooperlover - would they not see it as me saying 'I really want to involve you in my wedding celebrations but I have just had a baby and I'm not getting paid for the next 12 months so cant afford £60 each for you and your partner to come to the day meal'?

OP posts:
VerbenaGirl · 20/01/2017 21:34

Sounds fine to me 👍

RandomMess · 20/01/2017 21:35

Provided it's an inexpensive hen do which is about spending time with your friends then I'd say fine and they will understand with it being such a small day time event.

Congratulations!

MiniCooperLover · 20/01/2017 21:36

Your circumstances are your business OP. I just personally feel if you invite people to your hen do and it's expected they spend money, regardless of whether the hen do is pricey or low key, then you invite them to your wedding fully.

Spam88 · 20/01/2017 21:37

Exit You could easily just spend £20 on a hen do if all you did was go out for drinks, or go for afternoon tea or something. Don't think that'd make much difference to the wedding budget...

Francinelle01 · 20/01/2017 21:37

I did this and it wasn't a problem. Had a small wedding with just family. Friends came to my hen night and evening do. They're good friends so they understood and didn't mind.

Itscurtainsforyou · 20/01/2017 21:38

Yes it's rude.
I was part of a group of friends (some more friendly than others) and one of them was getting married. I wasn't really bothered about not being invited to the wedding (although I knew it was a fair big affair) but when I was invited to the hen do (with instructions to buy a present & contribute to bride's expenses for the day) I was really quite annoyed.

hoddtastic · 20/01/2017 21:39

depends on the 'scale' of the night out... assuming it's a night and not a weekend in mallorca

OhTheRoses · 20/01/2017 21:40

To be honest I think you had a baby, he or she should be your priority not a hen night which goes with a wedding you didn't do arse upwards.

Yes, it's rude. You know it is otherwise you wouldn't need to ask.

AveEldon · 20/01/2017 21:40

yes it's rude