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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Is it rude to invite to hen party but not to wedding ceremony?

238 replies

iwannapuppy · 20/01/2017 21:01

So I'm getting married on a tight budget (we have just had a DS) and we can only afford to invite family and 3 friends each to the day part of the wedding. Would it be seen as rude to invite friends to my hen party but then only invite them to the evening reception? I don't to offend anyone, but also think if I don't invite them to the hen party they still might be pissed with me. I get that at any wedding you are bound to upset someone, but I really don't know what the etiquette is.

OP posts:

CointreauVersial · 20/01/2017 21:41

Maybe you need to "rebrand" your hen night.

Tell your friends they are invited out to celebrate your forthcoming wedding, that you are just having a small do, so you want them to join you for a night out.

Rather than calling it a hen night, which does rather imply that there's a wedding invitiation to follow.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 20/01/2017 21:41

No it's not rude in your circumstances. You are having a very small wedding and they will be invited to the evening. Don't see the problem myself. Be different if you were having a huge wedding and not inviting them.

isaulte · 20/01/2017 21:43

I don't think it's rude. If a friend of mine was having a small wedding and invited me to their hen I would be honoured. Have a wonderful time and good luck with your wedding.

Original poster

iwannapuppy · 20/01/2017 21:46

OhTheRoses - my baby is my priority. Please don't insinuate that he isn't. I find that a little over the mark. I am honestly just asking for people points of view. I've not posted here before and maybe in hindsight maybe AIBU? was not the right place to do it. I was worried that if I didn't invite friends to hen party but did invite them to the evening they may have been just as offended. I just wanted to know what the 'done thing' would be to do.

OP posts:

DustyCropHopper · 20/01/2017 21:47

I have been to a few hen nights where I have only been inviypted to the evening part and did the same for mine. We o lay had family at our wedding meal as dh has a huge family and the local venues only sat 100 people so friends we're invited to the evening, along with a you are welcome to come to the ceremony if you would like to. Friends and immediate family came to my hen do.

Leeds2 · 20/01/2017 21:49

I don't think that there is anything wrong with your proposal, given that you are inviting them to the evening do. I would make it clear to them though, because they may be expecting an invite to the whole day if they are invited to the hen do.

Politix · 20/01/2017 21:50

It sounds fine to me too but I'd make sure it was clear to everyone what was happening and I would make sure that the hen party was not to OTT. I'd keep it low key and make sure the hens didn't subsidise the bride.

Doobigetta · 20/01/2017 21:52

I think it's fine if it's a local night out type of do. I've been to colleagues' hen dos a few times when I would never have expected to be invited to the wedding- they just had a big night out for all their female friends.

Starlight2345 · 20/01/2017 21:52

I think it depends on your Hen do local and people can get back home yes, Weekend away ( guessing not with young baby) then no.

Enidblyton1 · 20/01/2017 21:54

YANBU

Normally it would be very odd to invite people to your hen, but only to the evening part of a wedding.

But in your case, you are having so few people to the ceremony that you could say the 'main' part of your wedding (in terms of guests) is the evening party anyway. I'm sure your friends won't be at all offended if you explain what you are doing.

Pluto30 · 20/01/2017 21:56

I personally think it's rude, and I'd not have a hen do if you can't then afford to invite those people to the wedding.

NicknameUsed · 20/01/2017 21:58

MN bingo

Here we go again. The professionally offended are out in force.

No, it isn't rude, but in case some of the people you want to invite to your hen night are likely to be offended (or are on MN) just let them know that you are only having a small wedding and can't afford to invite everyone you want, but you would love to have their company for a night out to celebrate your forthcoming nuptials.

feeona123 · 20/01/2017 22:00

Not rude x

londonrach · 20/01/2017 22:00

I dont see a problem. Invited my work colleagues to my hen meal but not to my wedding and certainly been to hen meals and not weddings.

BackforGood · 20/01/2017 22:00

I was going to post the same as Cointreau
Just say to your friends that you are only having a small do for your wedding, but were wondering if any of them wanted to go to {insert name of place} to celebrate this happy time with me.
In real life I suspect you'll find people are a lot less judgy than on MN threads

Depending on where you are getting married, some might be able to come to the ceremony ??? (Church- yes, hotel - no)

NicknameUsed · 20/01/2017 22:04

Some people are so full of self entitlement. Why should being invited to a hen do automatically mean an invitation to a wedding?

DreamsOfWaves · 20/01/2017 22:04

Hi OP. I have before been invited to a hen do and subsequently the evening reception of the wedding. I never gave it a second thought and had a great time at both...weddings are a numbers game and you can't take such things personally. I don't think YABU.

Gwenhwyfar · 20/01/2017 22:08

"I went to a friends hen do as did quite a few others but only went to the evening do."

I've been to hen nights when I wasn't invited to the meal (but in both cases was invited to the ceremony). I didn't know at the time that I wouldn't be invited to the reception. To be honest it feels like you're not good enough to spend any money on, but you are good enough to make up the numbers for the hen night. I won't do it again.

I've just remembered that I once went to a hen night where I wasn't invited to any part of the wedding at all. The briesmaid had just gone through the bride's email contacts and invited all the women. I should have declined.

NormaSmuff · 20/01/2017 22:10

i did, but came on to say it is rude.
one has a husband who i didnt really like, in fact i didnt like either and one was a drunk drinker.

Noctilucent · 20/01/2017 22:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSmurfsAreHere · 20/01/2017 22:14

What cointreau said.
Just don't call it a hen do but a party celebration for your very small wedding.

Corialanusburt · 20/01/2017 22:14

Don't have a hen night.

WeirdButTrue · 20/01/2017 22:15

Can't believe how many people find this rude.

I've been to at least 3 hen dos where I was only invited to the evening part of the wedding & never once felt like I was being insulted in any way! Each time the wedding was limited in size for reasons of cost or venue only holding a set number and the bride had more friends that she wanted to share in her wedding than she could invite to the whole day.

Really astonishes me how many people actiblvely look for ways to be offended

Gwenhwyfar · 20/01/2017 22:16

"Why should being invited to a hen do automatically mean an invitation to a wedding?"

Why should people who you don't value enough to invite to a wedding (not a cost issue because she's not inviting to the ceremony either) be expected to come to your hen night. Who is the entitled one?

If you want a small wedding, why not have a small hen night?

CwtchMawr · 20/01/2017 22:16

What are you doing for your hen do? Weekend away and or expecting invitees to spend £100 on it then you would be unreasonable not to invite them in the day. A meal and night out and I can't see people getting offended.

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