Is it rude to invite to hen party but not to wedding ceremony?

[iwannapuppy]

So I'm getting married on a tight budget (we have just had a DS) and we can only afford to invite family and 3 friends each to the day part of the wedding. Would it be seen as rude to invite friends to my hen party but then only invite them to the evening reception? I don't to offend anyone, but also think if I don't invite them to the hen party they still might be pissed with me. I get that at any wedding you are bound to upset someone, but I really don't know what the etiquette is.

[Dieu]

It is rude, sorry!

[YeahNah1980]

Yes it’s rude.

[Nichelette]

If you explained your situation to me I would completely understand. If they are your friends they will too.

[PregnantSea]

I think traditionally yes, it is poor etiquette. However weddings have changed a lot since those rules were established. I didn't invite anyone from my hen do to my ceremony because it was strictly immediate family only at the reg office. I had no bridesmaids or maid of honour, it wasn't that kind of wedding. It only lasted about 15 minutes and then we did a quick ten minutes of milling about outside while people took photos, and then it was off to the reception to meet everyone else for the party. I don't think any of my friends minded being at the hen do but not at the reception. It's all about context, I think.

[HardofCleaning]

Itwould be rude in normal circumstances but you're not having a traditional wedding so I'd be OK with this personally.

[Sparklesocks]

greenant this thread is 2 years old so I think it’s probably sorted now...

[MatildaTheCat]

Since this is a ZOMBIE THREAD I think we can safely assume the issue has been resolved by now.

Why, why do people resurrect these things?

[greenant]

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO RUDE!!! Etiquette is that All of your hens should be invited to your wedding. ie - Only have a small hen do with the few who are actually invited to the ceremony. Its just weird and a sure way that everyone will be talking about it amongst themselves and your friends getting upset

[Meekonsandwich]

No, they would feel a LOT more miffed if they didn't get an invite to any of it.

Just explain.

[Alpanini]

I had a small wedding and invited 'evening' guests to my hen (byob picnic, meal out, then a very cheesy club). No one was forced to come, everyone did, got hammered and had a nice time. It's not a big deal (unless you are doing a pricey weekend away thing) it's just a good excuse to have a few drinks with your girlfriends. Very much doubt you'll be shunned by polite society for this one, though Debretts does say otherwise. For things that are meant to be fun weddings have got too many rules

[Italwaysworksitselfout]

I didnt really know the bride but Dh was invited to the stag weekend of his db best friend who dh was also a life long friend. It cost us a fair bit. It was about 3 months before the wedding so the invites hadn't gone out. When they did everyone in dh's family were invited to the full wedding except us...not even an evening invite. I do think it's rude but if you make it clear that they will not be invited then they can make their own decision whether to go or not

[Jaxhog]

Under the circumstances of having a tiny ceremony, not rude at all. You're still asking them to help you celebrate, just not the ceremony itself.

I'd only be pissed off if I was a good friend and not invited at all.

[Xmasbaby11]

Yes it's rude. And I'd never go myself.

[Travella]

I don't think it's rude to invite them but I also don't think it's rude for them to decline - you can't have it all!

[MommaGee]

Just to point out OP is feeding everyone she's inviting to the hen - at the evening do. They dont do evening food and entertainment for free.

I dont get inviting hens who aren't gonna be invited to any of your wedding

[Iamastonished]

I think one of the reasons I don't feel it is a snub is that my experience of hen dos is not a typical MN OTT one. Every hen do I have been to was an evening out - a meal and a few drinks, that's all.

I am beginning to understand why women who are expected to fork out hundreds of pounds for hen dos lasting several days, possibly abroad, feel aggrieved at not receiving an invitation to a wedding.

If only more women would stand up to the bridezillas and MOHzillas and say "This has to stop. I can't afford it, I'm not coming" perhaps we would have more sensible hen dos along the aforementioned lines.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Wow @sweetbabyjesus - your so called friend really screwed you over :(

Hen do's are imo for close friends /family. To which you would expect an invite to the day

As said earlier in the thread. It's a snub

The b2b expects friends to spend money celebrating her day to be with drinks meals spas etc

Yet she can't manage to spend her budget on her friends for a meal at her wedding

Unless literally couple elope or vvvv small wedding ie 20 people the. All at the hen should be invited to wedding

[MommaGee]

Well you go to their wedding and they might change their mind a few years down the line lol

[Iamastonished]

Sorry Gwen I missed that. I don't see the point in having a hen do months ahead of the wedding. What if the couple change their mind?

[MommaGee]

I had my hen two months before the wedding as a lot of my hens had to travel and I didn't want to expect them to do two weekends away within the same pay cheque. They had had the invites by then though

[Gwenhwyfar]

"Or are hen dos months ahead of weddings these days?"

Yes. I've mentioned that upthread.

[Iamastonished]

I'm confused at people going to the hen do in the expectation of getting a wedding invitation. Surely a hen do is just before the wedding isn't it? So the guests at the hen do would know whether they have been invited to the wedding or not.

Or are hen dos months ahead of weddings these days? When I was younger hen and stag dos were usually the week or even the night before a wedding.

[Goingtobeawesome]

I wouldn't be upset at getting just an evening do but I'd be disappointed as the marriage ceremony is the bit I want to see. It's the whole point afterall imo.

[MerylPeril]

I've been to lots of hen dos where I've only been a night guest BUT they have been general cheap hen dos (meal/ pub crawl)

However - one of my bestest friends only invited to us to evening do because she picked a venue she couldn't afford

We were then invited to an all day hen do - including expensive 'activities'.
Most of us refused the activities and just went to the meal. She wasn't happy.
We also made up 90% of the hen party and were generally a bit pissed off about it and they (bride and MOH) ignored us mostly - most boring hen do ever.

[MommaGee]

That's really sad sweet. When she's divorced and lonely, shell be wondering who is left to have her back.
One of the deciding factors re friends and all day vs evening was locality. All my uni friends were invited to all day because they had to travel so far.
I wouldn't be able to resist asking her why if o was in your shoes and think h2b veto is not a reasonable excuse unless you had sex with his Dad whilst his mom was at work kinda level