Is it rude to invite to hen party but not to wedding ceremony?

[iwannapuppy]

So I'm getting married on a tight budget (we have just had a DS) and we can only afford to invite family and 3 friends each to the day part of the wedding. Would it be seen as rude to invite friends to my hen party but then only invite them to the evening reception? I don't to offend anyone, but also think if I don't invite them to the hen party they still might be pissed with me. I get that at any wedding you are bound to upset someone, but I really don't know what the etiquette is.

[StuffYouAllInTheCrust]

I don't think it's rude at all. I would be honest and tell them you're having a small wedding so they'll be getting evening invites but you would still love them to come to your hen do. Anyone that declines on that basis isn't worth inviting to the evening anyway!

[MommaGee]

Aww Za y think I'd be upset too but its the imbalance in perception. I've been on away hen do's with evening only invite but then again so has she for mine so at least it balances

[BalloonSlayer]

noeffingidea on reflection I suppose what sort of hen night it is. I am also quite old. When my DSis [first] got married in 1978 there was no such thing as Hen nights - only stag nights so in my dinosaur experience they are quite a new thing and of course they have changed over the years

[honeyroar]

Ive only read the first four pages, but I'm so angry at all the stuck up etiquette police types that are making you feel bad about your wedding and your hen night. Here's the deal. You can have a hen night whatever size your wedding, and you don't need to have tapped mummy and daddy for a thirty grand wedding to call it a hen night either!

It's not rude. Just be upfront and polite with your friends. Say, "I can only afford a tiny day do, it will be mostly family and witnesses, but I hope you'll all come and celebrate with us in the evening. And I'm having a hen do, which I'd love you to come on if you fancy it". Then they can decide. I did exactly that for my wedding, decided to buy a horse rather than have a daytime reception, and only had 25 at our day do (he's still munching hay in the stable as we speak, nine years on). Nobody took offence or didn't come to the wedding. I didn't have a hen do because I don't like them, but I'd like to think my friends would have happily come.

[GerdaLovesLili]

Our hen nights were not the monstrosities they've become now. We both went to a separate restaurants and then met up with everyone at a club. It was a come one come all event and was to celebrate our last night of "singledom" Lots of people came along who were either unable to come to the wedding or who hadn't been invited to the smallish wedding. If people didn't want to come because they felt miffed, then they didn't have to. I think it depends on your friends and how happy they are to celebrate your happiness without finding a way to be slighted that they didn't get an invitation to the wedding.

[MontePulciana]

If I had to cut people out like this I'd be seriously scaling back on silly things. We don't generally go to wedding evening invites, it's a weird concept. If you can't afford to do it, why half do it and have to apologise and explain to people. I'd feel so awkward sending out half invites expecting people to come when you've just crossed them off a list.

[purpleporpoise]

I'm going to a hen do and evening reception. It doesn't bother me in the slightest

[NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler]

My friend is getting married later this year and due to venue size and large families explained to me and another friend that she was unable to have us at the daytime parts but really wanted us to attend the evening do and hen weekend. I didn't see it as anything other than lovely that I was included at all.

In the end she struck some other friends off the guest list after they complained about various things and I'm now going to the whole event.

[NewtScamandersNaughtyNiffler]

Sorry hit post too soon...

Decent friends will understand I am sure.

Congrats on baby and wedding

[bilzero]

Tough call. I was invited to a friend's hen do. I didn't get a wedding or evening invite. I didn't feel offended but I did feel a bit upset if I'm honest. Because of that feeling, I wouldn't do it myself as it does feel a bit shitty. I felt like I was good enough to party with but not good enough for the actual wedding.

[Valeriemalorie]

It is not rude in the slightest! Have fun!

[ZouBisou]

To be honest I think you had a baby, he or she should be your priority not a hen night

God that's depressing.

[GabsAlot]

no my dsis invited people to her hen that were only evening guests they didnt seem bothered

and noone had to pay anything towards it either except their own drinks

[Upanddownroundandround]

Yes. It is rude. I think you should forgo the hen night and have more friends at the weddings. Or have a small girls night after to celebrate your wedding. But honestly I would have more people at the wedding.

[ZanyMobster]

Just be upfront about it. I agree Momma if you are clear about your intentions and the reasons, real friends would not be offended. If my friend had spoken to me before and explained the reasons then that would have been fine as I would have understand but to this day I still don't know why.

As a rule though I would not be offended at all, I have been to lots of hen dos then just to the evening but when it's a really close friend and maybe your expectation is different to the brides it can be trickier!

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

I think you should forgo the hen night and have more friends at the weddings

The cost of the two isn't equal!

Plus not everyone wants big weddings. Where does it stop? Need to ask the lady three doors down because she says hello every morning and might be offended?

[MommaGee]

love how people think if OP doesn't go out and saves - what max £50-£60 for meal and drinks she can magically invite all these extra people at £60 a head - as well as their plus ones and possibly children.

Only on MN have i seen the weirdness over "only" getting an evening invite as though when you're still paying a considerable price per head you'd invite just any old people to "make the numbers up"

If I had to cut people out like this I'd be seriously scaling back on silly things. What silly things should she cut back on? Perhaps she can wear her jeans - no dress should pay for a few meals for entitled people who only care about their cash value. No flowers or decorations - people want to know they're loved through the mdium of the wedding breakfast!

[BackforGood]

When I got married, I worked with about 14/15 other people. We all got on, and, as a staff group would enjoy a Christmas night out and perhaps one in the Summer or if someone left the Team at some other point.
I was only especially friendly with a couple of them - who were invited to the wedding.
My colleagues were excited for me to be getting married, asked me things occasionally about the plans, generally shared my happiness with no expectation of an invitation. I decided it would be nice to all go out to celebrate - just like the OP is talking about... a night out with the girls... meal, few drinks, and some dancing.
So, if you think it's 'rude' to invite people who aren't invited to the wedding, then that means I could have only asked 2 of the Team, rather than everyone. Doesn't that then mean the 13 folks (who I liked and got on with but weren't particularly close with) don't get invited to 2 occasions, rather than being invited to 1 of the two ? How exactly is that better / nicer / more friendly / politer ? I genuinely can't see it

[emmyrose2000]

Extremely rude. Either someone's good enough to be part of your wedding celebration or they're not. And if they're not good enough to be invited to the proper reception then it's rude and cheeky to be asking them to the smaller, fun, parties, especially when they're paying their own way and you're not providing anything in return (as you would at the reception).

It's totally your choice to have a small wedding, but that comes with consequences, and this is one of them.

[KoalaDownUnder]

I don't understand all these different 'levels' of invitations for wedding-related events.

I thought it was: decide who you want at your wedding. Then choose venue/catering according to what you can afford for that number of people. Then invite people to the hen/stag from that list.

Maybe it's because I live in Australia and we don't do separate evening dos (all guests come to the whole thing). I'd feel weird going to a hen night where people were talking excitedly about a wedding that I wasn't invited to.

[Pluto30]

Maybe it's because I live in Australia and we don't do separate evening dos (all guests come to the whole thing). I'd feel weird going to a hen night where people were talking excitedly about a wedding that I wasn't invited to.

I have wondered what people were talking about when they referred to the "evening part" of a wedding. Don't all guests come to the ceremony and then the reception? What is this mysterious "evening part"?!

[KoalaDownUnder]

Pluto - In the U.K., they have a 'wedding breakfast' (meal) directly after the wedding ceremony. Then they have a larger 'evening do' for all the ceremony and wedding breakfast guests, plus guests who weren't invited to the main event.

(That's my understanding, am sure someone will correct me if I'm wrong.)

Personally, I wouldn't be interested in going to an evening do only. If I'm attending someone's wedding, the whole point is to see the actual ceremony. I think people here (Aus) would be offended to only be invited to part of the day. But that's just different cultures, I guess.

[KoalaDownUnder]

And yeah, here we just have wedding ceremony + reception. Everyone is invited to both.

[CheeseFlavouredDiscs]

I'm shocked at the number of women who'd be horrobly offended!

It's a meal out with friends followed by drinks & dancing. I've been to loads of hen do's like this, it's the done thing where we live, and most of the time we are only invited to the evening do. It typically costs me about £15-30 for a meal out and a few drinks. Wedding cost a bomb, but a night out with your friends is a brilliant way to celebrate before the big day! Go for it OP, and have a great night!

[emmyrose2000]

I thought it was: decide who you want at your wedding. Then choose venue/catering according to what you can afford for that number of people. Then invite people to the hen/stag from that list.

Maybe it's because I live in Australia and we don't do separate evening dos (all guests come to the whole thing). I'd feel weird going to a hen night where people were talking excitedly about a wedding that I wasn't invited to. confused

Ditto. I think the reception plus separate evening party is horribly rude and A list/B list.