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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When do you stop being useless at motherhood?

23 replies

LosAngeles444 · 13/01/2017 13:44

Nursery called saying DS 6 months old has a temperature and they're giving him calpol. DH took him to doctors this morning and verdict is he has a cold. I've left work and on way home to pick up DS from nursery.

I'm fed up of feeling useless when DS is unwell. Other than calpol or cough medicine there's nothing else I can do to make him better and I feel so useless. Do you ever stop feeling like a novice at motherhood and totally useless and clueless? At what stage does the motherhood thing become easier?

OP posts:
ProudBadMum · 13/01/2017 13:45

When you realise you aren't a superhero and sometimes you can't help.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 13:47

In what way are you being useless? You're picking your poorly child up from nursery and taking him home to look after him.

With calpol hopefully bringing down his temperature, he doesn't need anything else other than lots of cuddles and his normal milk etc. When babies are ill like this they just need lots of TLC and a good watchful eye to make sure they don't get any worse etc in which case take him back to the Dr.

Don't beat yourself up over nothing - you sound like a good mum to me.

Dieu · 13/01/2017 13:47

I have a teen and love this phase! So much easier than when they're small. Sorry OP, that's not particularly helpful. All I can say is that we're all just doing our best, and the key thing is to be 'good enough' rather than perfect. I'm sure you're doing a great job, so please give yourself a break. Hope the wee one is better soon Flowers

LoupGarou · 13/01/2017 13:47

As above, when you accept that trying your best is good enough, that you will make mistakes but learn from them and move on, don't keep beating yourself up about things. Flowers

hellsbellsmelons · 13/01/2017 13:49

It doesn't.
Every day is school day with kids.
We all learn as we go and do the best we can.
That is ALL you can do.
I'm not sure what more you want to be able to do?
You are not Dumbledore. You can't magic away his illness.
You just do exactly as you are doing and that's what being a mum is all about.

WhatHaveIFound · 13/01/2017 13:50

Well my DC are 15 & 12 and there's still times when i feel useless - especially when it comes to GCSE Maths homework!

Dealing/coping with the illness gets easier once they've had all the germs at nursery. It's hard when you feel out of control but i guess all your DS needs when he's feeling ill is Calpol and mummy hugs.

Original poster
LosAngeles444 · 13/01/2017 13:50

I can't wait for him to start talking so he can actually tell me what's wrong than second guessing. I feel like parenthood is like problem solving most of the time!

I've just returned to work after maternity leave and it feels like I'm spreading myself too thinly even though I love being at work and my son loves his nursery.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 13/01/2017 13:51

I can't wait for him to start talking
Be careful what you wish for Grin

LovelyBaubles · 13/01/2017 13:52

I've found as soon as I got quite good at one phase dc moved on to the next phase. I thought I'd cracked babies then they became toddlers. Sussed out toddlers and then they became preschoolers etc etc.

Original poster
LosAngeles444 · 13/01/2017 13:52

Concerned his first word will be a swear word! Probably be bugger or bloody!

OP posts:
Onlyonce · 13/01/2017 13:55

You are not useless. You had him checked over and have now collected him from nursery. Get yourselves settled on the sofa with some TV and lots of cuddles. Hope he feels better soon

sarahnova69 · 13/01/2017 13:56

Got to say one of the few things I've always felt secure in as a mum was that just having contact with me instantly made my DC feel better. Just being snuggled with mummy and the usual milk is all they need. Touching my skin is a huge comfort thing for them and it's always made me feel slightly like a superhero that a cuddle from me had such a powerful effect. Let little one have a nap on you and they will feel better instantly.

Beyond that? I'm still waiting to not feel like a rank amateur Grin

OhMrBadger · 13/01/2017 13:57

Parenting is non-stop firefighting for me! I do so many things that I always said I wouldn't do. But I've come to realise that there's no right way really and you just do the best you can.

Going back to work after m/l is a real shock to the system. I just felt all wrong and constantly guilty. BUT I learnt to use it as time for myself and made sure I got out at lunch times for a walk or a look round the shops.

You're doing great OP.

Losgunna · 13/01/2017 14:00

I know what you mean op.

My ds is 3 and is pretty good at telling me what's wrong when he's sick now (because he has the language to)

He will tell me which bits hurt /he has a funny tummy etc.

It is much much easier now.

He had some really runny poo last night in his sleep (been dry at night for a while) and told me his tummy was sore. I put him in a nappy, told him it was OK, even grown ups wear them sometimes if they have poorly tummies, gave him some calpol (magic potion) and a big cuddle. He told me 'hug make me feel better mummy' and went back to sleep when the calpol started to work.

He doesn't really need anything different to when he was very little but it's nice to know that that is the case

Losgunna · 13/01/2017 14:01

Do still feel like I'm completely winging it still though. I don't think that ever really goes away

WhatHaveIFound · 13/01/2017 14:08

I can't wait for him to start talking

Even then it's not always that easy. DS (12) is still unable to tell the difference between eaten too much/hungry/gluten intollerance reaction stomach aches.

Losgunna · 13/01/2017 15:31

at 26 I still struggle to tell the difference between certain types of pain, but I can at least articulate what hurts and how badly

geekymommy · 13/01/2017 16:00

If he has a cold, there's nothing more ANYONE could do than that. There's no cure for a cold, as I'm sure you know.

Original poster
LosAngeles444 · 13/01/2017 19:16

Turns out DS has a cold and eye infection, conjunctivitis. Breaks me up on the inside when he's sick

OP posts:
KayTee87 · 13/01/2017 19:30

Aw it's horrible when they're not well isn't it. You're doing good op, be kind to yourself.

dansmum · 14/01/2017 16:32

If it makes you feel better....I took my son horseriding the day before it turned out he needed surgery for a perforating appendix...

You hang on in there. Yes it's always your call, yes it is scarey and yes sometimes you get it wrong. Drop the' my shift my mistake' mentality it does not make you a better parent...it just messes with your head. Count the successes in your days, not the mistakes xx Enjoy each adventure, keep those family memories ( disasters) to share with your children when they are older...they LOVE them!

Blobby10 · 14/01/2017 16:40

My children are 20 18 and 16 and I still feel like a useless mother - especially with my eldest! Dont make the mistake of thinking that they tell you what wrong once they can talk!!!!

Worst bit is when they are upset and I know I cant do anything to help and that they have to go through the upset but it still makes me feel crap that I cant stop their pain!

derxa · 14/01/2017 16:48

This feeling never stops and mine are late/mid 20s.

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