Family pets AIBU

[debedoo]

Hi, my name is Bobby, and I am a sixteen year old black and white cat. I have adopted 3 humans, 2 large and one mini humans.
So, going about my business and I decide to bring the humans one of the mice I have caught. They are absolutely useless hunters, never catch anything, so I though I was being nice! I even deposited said mouse right on the lap of the human who calls itself mum, and I am disgusted to say that she had an absolute fit! She was screeching, shouting, everything. I have no idea why, mousey was dead and ready to eat!? AIBU to think they are selfish turds and to never even think about helping them again?? 😖😼

YABU. You should've removed the head first as a surprise to find later

Yabu you should wait til she's asleep so she can wake up to a lovely surprise

Who wants a gift that isn't in some sort of wrapping/gift bag? Next time put it in her shoe.

Are you expecting too much of them? You might need to eat the treat and partially digest it for them. It would be particularly kind to regurgitate it somewhere discreet, though, like behind the sofa, in case they are embarrassed about their ineptitude.

Very selfish. I mean at your age they should be bringing you mice!

You are not being unreasonable at all! I also kindly brought my humans a gift this morning. I was very proud of myself but was then horrified to see the stupid woman get a broom and sweep it up into a plastic bag which she then held at arms length. She wouldn't even let me sit on her lap for the rest of the afternoon and I've heard her muttering things like "cold blooded killer" under her breath. Last time I bring them anything 😡🐀

some humans don't understand that cats are natural hunters and this is what you do if you are a cat - catch mice / birds, not very nice but that is the natural order of things. total over reaction by your human, yanbu,

Bobby...you must have missed out on the class that taught that the part of the mouse that humans like best is the gall bladder! On the stairs, in the middle of the night.

They love it. Honest. Especially when they tread on it.

You could always try catching something a bit more rare, like the little wren that bobs about in next door's garden. Some extra entertainment there in that you can sit the other side of the wall and listen to them mutter about that bastard cat and how it's going to get a shotgun up it's arse* if they see it in the garden again.
*Disclaimer; not really, obvs.

If you really want to please your humans you should find out which guest they like the least and crawl all over that person's face at two in the morning every night. You get extra cat treats that way.

Hi Bobby, Sadie here, 3 year old cat. My humans are just as unreasonable and ungrateful as yours. I brought them a lovely mouse in last night but I got peckish and ate most of it, I did leave them the head though (and that's the best bit imo) My lady human freaked out when she saw it this morning, shouted at me! Maybe it was because I ate some of it, should I leave them the whole thing next time?

Try dad next time

They maybe like to hunt their food too - next time hide it behind a sofa so they have to track down the smell and make a game of it 😸

Agh Bobby the mistake you made was that you killed it before bringing it home! I managed to get one of mine through the cat flap still alive although I did manage to make a couple of puncture wounds which dripped on their carpet! Then I crept upstairs and dropped it under their bed, where it scurried away! The next step is to wake them up by pummelling on their shoulder with your paws and purr a loud as you can! Once they are awake you have to quickly find your prey again from under the bed by pouncing on it and scrabbling about as much as you can !

Hello, Ginger cat here. I suggest bringing them a live one in. It trains their useless human hunting instinct a bit when they're trying to retrieve it from under the settee or behind the sideboard...

My top tips

Release a live frog under the sofa whilst they are 'relaxing'

Or.. eat the face off a mouse and leave it in the doorway

Both went down well here

Cat speaking here -

One night my lady human went on a night out and came back quite drunk. I thought it would be terribly funny to bring her a little present which squeaked. A lot. She chased me around the kitchen a lot trying to get her present from my mouth and her present must have not liked her because it bit her and ran away behind the fridge.

My lady human was very sad and pulled out the fridge, freezer, cooker and contents of the cupboard under the sink trying to find her present. It must have been really good at playing hide and seek because she couldn't find it at all.

She went to bed and had to go to minor injuries the next day because her thumb had got very swollen, red and hot where my present bit her.

She came back with antibiotics and a mouse trap. She pulled the fridge out again and she found her present - it was clinging to the metal things on the back of the fridge evil cat cackle Only she would have needed a bigger trap because she thought I'd given her a mouse but when she saw it when she was sober and, in her own words, it was "the biggest fucking rat she'd ever seen"

That'll teach her to be drunk when I bring her presents. She wouldn't even let me give her cat kisses because she said I had mouse breath. She's mean to me sometimes. All I want to do is thank her for rescuing me from the tower of doom and treating me like the princess she secretly knows I am giggle

Fluckercat, that is hilarious!! I will def try bringing them a live, or almost dead, one next time, I agree it should kick in their hunting instincts so they can become better. I like the idea of them catching mice for me so that's my plan for the next few months. Any tips to facilitate this?
Do any of you pets have any AIBU about ur own humans you wish to get out of your fur?? Bobby xx

Bobby, next time try bringing in a bird that is still alive and watch with glee as your humans run around screaming trying to catch it, all the best FannyCat