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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are there some things silly, nasty things that happened where you just can't forgive the other person and/or they just really stick with you?

223 replies

SnipeBird · 07/01/2017 20:53

My ex-bf from sometime back (we were together for 4 years) once did something which always comes back to me (whenever I see my eye in the mirror with a small scar above it!). We were volunteering supporting a youth pentathlon and my then bf was in charge of the shooting. I had never shot even an air rifle. He was a policeman and trained. He got me to demonstrate what they had to do, and instructed me to push my eye right up to the scope when I pulled the trigger. I obeyed and as he expected the gun (only an air rifle thing to be fair) had a kick back which knocked me right in the eye. He was pissing himself with laughter trying to tell the kids that was a great demonstration of what not to do, whilst the scope had cut part of my eye and I had put my hand to hide the blood and walked away pretending to laugh and burst into tears as soon as out of sight. I was left with a horrid black eye and all he could say was 'well that was bloody stupid wasn't it!' We split up shortly after! It happened over ten years ago but still to this day really sticks with me.

OP posts:
AlpacaPicnic · 07/01/2017 20:59

Oh god, that's really spiteful of him. I'm not surprised that it still upsets you. He deliberately told you the wrong thing to do.

I'm still upset over some really silly stuff to do with 'breaking up' with my best friend. It's been years but occasionally I'll remember one of the things that led to the end of the friendship and it still hurts all over again.

Isadora2007 · 07/01/2017 21:01

What an arse. Neither wonder you cant forgive him for that... I think it sounds like the betrayal that hurt you most- he told you to do something and you rightly trusted him and then you were hurt. He was in the wrong.

Allthewaves · 07/01/2017 21:04

awful, iv been hit in eye several times by sightes and i was expecting recoil and it bloody hurt

Original poster
SnipeBird · 07/01/2017 21:07

Thanks - yes it bloody hurt and as I wanted to do it well I'd really pressed my eye into it. It was a long time ago now but just reminded of it again tonight when talking to my wonderful DH (who incidentally knew ex-bf and never understood what I saw!). I have about a 3/4 inch scar above my eye which on reflection I should have got stitched so its a constant reminder!

OP posts:
Masketti · 07/01/2017 21:09

A 'friend' said she knew I was a good friend because if she called me for help I'd come no matter where she was. She said she couldn't say the same for me.

How do you stay friends with someone after that? FWIW I didn't.

That's a shit situation OP but you broke up with him so you 'listened' to what he was really saying about you and got well rid.

TheSparrowhawk · 07/01/2017 21:11

That wasn't silly that was deliberately cruel.

Original poster
SnipeBird · 07/01/2017 21:11

Crikey Masketti - thats a weird thing for your friend to verbalise!? I don't think you can stay freinds after that!

OP posts:
thatorchidmoment · 07/01/2017 21:20

A cousin of my DH sent me a letter years ago informing me that she thought the way I dressed was indecent and unsuitable for a Christian, and that she thought I was wrong to read any fiction at all.

I found that really upsetting, especially as she sent it just before leaving the country for many months, and she has never ever mentioned it to my face, or apologised.

I dress 'decently' to the point of frumpiness, I might add. My DH thinks she had a problem with me wearing anything brightly coloured or patterned, or what she would consider 'extravagant' (ie cheaper than Primark), as I am careful about not showing much leg or any cleavage, so we were mystified!

I later found out that my SIL sent a similar letter to another friend of mine, also criticising her dress. So they had obviously planned these personal attacks together.

I have tried really hard, but I don't think I can quite get past it! It's just so alien to something I would dream of doing myself.

Original poster
SnipeBird · 07/01/2017 21:34

Thatorchid that sounds really odd and very random?!? I'm not religious at all but isn't Christianity founded on non judgement of others???

OP posts:
BIgBagofJelly · 07/01/2017 21:37

You dodged a bullet there, he deliberately injured and humiliated you infant of a group of people. What an absolute arse.

Earlgreywithmilk · 07/01/2017 21:45

orchid that's hilarious - especially as she sent the letter then left the country!!Grin seriously though - she was probably jealous of your un-Christian fab dress sense (are you even religious?)

And OP - I'm not surprised the thought of that prick of an ex of yours still makes ur blood boil - what he did was cruel and humiliating and it left u with a friggin scar! He's obviously some kind of sadist freak.
(could u send him an old kipper through the post? They say revenge is a dish best served cold. I know it's petty but it might make u feel better)

mambono5 · 07/01/2017 21:50

thatorchidmoment

That is so bizarre. If I ever receive a letter like that, I would be so childish and would wear a mini skirt/ high boots/ low cut top the next time I see her, whilst clutching a (fiction) book handbag.

img0.etsystatic.com/128/0/10218532/il_570xN.1059138694_844k.jpg

I would probably add a huge hat, sunglasses and a Swarovski tattoo. I know it's not terribly mature, but it would make me laugh.

unless I was meeting the Pople obviously

Izzabellasasperella · 07/01/2017 21:53

A friend of my ex leaned across the pub table and said to me "you are really fucking ugly." I pretended to be cool about it then went to the ladies and cried. Came out found my ex and told him (I was really upset by this point) he didn't say anything to comfort me. I said I wanted to go home he said he was going back to carry on drinking!

GogoGobo · 07/01/2017 21:56

my business partner took me for lunch on my first day back after miscarrying twins and told me that I looked scruffy and shouldn't let myself go because of what had happened. She also told me she thought it was weird that I was wearing a maternity wear wrap jacket that day.
A year later we are no longer business partners or friends.

civilfawlty · 07/01/2017 21:58

An ex-friend, when I was a single mum and incredibly lonely, refused to ever come over to my house for a meal or whatever because "she wouldn't meet her future husband there". She said "I just don't want to." (While being a massive drain on anyone in her social circle - fine, as long as it's reciprocal). Guess what - she's still single. I reckon anyone that selfish is unlikely to find what they are looking for.

Original poster
SnipeBird · 07/01/2017 21:59

Wow gogo that beats mine hands down, no wonder you're no longer in contact! That's horrific!
Izard that's awful!! Sad

OP posts:
RosyfingeredDawn · 07/01/2017 22:02

A guy I worked with years ago in my teens knew I am adopted and said to me, I'm not surprised you were adopted , your Mum probably looked at you and decided to give you away.
I rarely tell people I'm adopted any more and think I'm guarded about it.

user1483809827 · 07/01/2017 22:03

Snipe what he did was cruel and I don't think I would ever fully get over it either.

What a prick.

GogoGobo · 07/01/2017 22:03

There are some really nasty people out there - the good thing about this thread is that they are all EXs in some capacity 😂

DisneySenior · 07/01/2017 22:05

My best friend a few years ago revealed one of my secrets that I was planning on taking to the grave. I won't say what it was but I trusted her enough to confinde in her about it only for her to see it as the best bit of gossip in years and tell anyone who would listen. I was absolutely gutted and haven't spoken to her since.

She has been married to my brother for 3 years now, had 2 kids with him who I have never met and I avoid any family get togethers that they are attending. My brother doesn't speak to me and I don't think we ever will again.

I can't ever forgive her

BellonaBelladonna · 07/01/2017 22:07

When my dear Granny was dying, I made her lots of little portions of shepherd's pie to defrost when she felt well enough to eat something home cooked.

She told me they were delicious (I'm not the world's most confident cook but several people have said good things about my shepherd's pie)and that she'd felt cared for which made me feel I had done something small to help and show her I loved her at a difficult time.

A few years later while remembering that time my stepdad said she'd not really meant it.

I don't know why he said it but I felt ridiculously upset and of course she was now dead. We've not fallen out and he'd not even remember saying it or have any idea he'd upset me, but I still think why say that?

He does like to piss on people's chips Hmm

2ndSopranos · 07/01/2017 22:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Earlgreywithmilk · 07/01/2017 22:15

Wow! They say there's nowt as queer as folk and it's so true - u couldn't make these up.
i think any person who would say or do such nasty things are obviously very unhappy or just plain evil and need their head tapping!

228agreenend · 07/01/2017 22:32

A few years ago, someone put some negative comments on Facebook, reporting that someone had criticised a recent event. One of my bf thought she was talking about me, and it could have caused real problems between me and bf, as she was involved in organising the event. I hadn't said anything.

At the time, I was undergoing treatment for a serious health condition. Nearly five years on, I'm fine health wise (as far as I know), but that comment still narks me (and winds me up when I think about it).

I do sometimes wonder whether she said something because she was jealous of my condition, not obviously the illness, bit the attention it was giving me.

Some of the stories are horrible and Flowers to everyone.

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 07/01/2017 22:32

My mother told me that I was responsible for my sister's learning difficulties and heart defect because I gave my mother chickenpox while she was pregnant. She told me this for the first time when I was about 4 and repeated it throughout my childhood, always using words like "blame" and "fault" as if it was something I'd done on purpose.
I was 18 months old when my sister was born. I only really thought the whole thing through fairly recently and I find it really hard to forgive her for putting that burden on me- I'd always felt terrible about it. There's no way I would have even told any of my children about it in a similar situation.