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Original poster

Are there some things silly, nasty things that happened where you just can't forgive the other person and/or they just really stick with you?

223 replies

SnipeBird · 07/01/2017 20:53

My ex-bf from sometime back (we were together for 4 years) once did something which always comes back to me (whenever I see my eye in the mirror with a small scar above it!). We were volunteering supporting a youth pentathlon and my then bf was in charge of the shooting. I had never shot even an air rifle. He was a policeman and trained. He got me to demonstrate what they had to do, and instructed me to push my eye right up to the scope when I pulled the trigger. I obeyed and as he expected the gun (only an air rifle thing to be fair) had a kick back which knocked me right in the eye. He was pissing himself with laughter trying to tell the kids that was a great demonstration of what not to do, whilst the scope had cut part of my eye and I had put my hand to hide the blood and walked away pretending to laugh and burst into tears as soon as out of sight. I was left with a horrid black eye and all he could say was 'well that was bloody stupid wasn't it!' We split up shortly after! It happened over ten years ago but still to this day really sticks with me.

OP posts:
TheTantrumCometh · 08/01/2017 22:07

A lot of things my sister has said to me. I've come to understand it's because of her own low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy, but it still hurts (and certainly doesn't help my own low self esteem).

A few years ago her DS didn't get into grammar school when everyone expected him to breeze through the test. I spoke to him the day he found out and he was so glum. I told him that I had also failed the test but actually I think it benefitted me being in the top group at the school I did go to, rather than the bottom of the grammar school. I went to say that it hadn't held me back and that I'd gone on to achieve good results and got my degree. He seemed much chirpier by the end of the conversation.

Well it turns out that after he got off the phone he repeated the conversation to his mum who said to him, "yeah but it was only a degree in xxx." Firstly, the degree I got was actually a long standing, though not especially highly regarded, degree. And it was coming from a person who had intended to study dance at university, which is fine but does take away from her argument somewhat.

So in one swoop she had deflated her own sons good mood and positivity and made me feel like shit. And I know about her saying it because she decided to tell me the next time she saw me. There are countless other occasions but that one in particular has stayed with me more than most.

Newshoes1 · 08/01/2017 22:08

A few years ago I had friend staying for several weeks. Just before ChristmasI was told, by phone that I had a cancer on my face. Nothing to be done until end of the January in the new year.

The friend said: "The only reason you're bothered about it is because you're vain and you'll have to have your face cut."

Well, er... yes, and the fact that it could kill me.

OohhItsNotHoxton · 08/01/2017 22:12

Yes. Too painful to confront tho tbh.

OhTheRoses · 08/01/2017 22:14

MIL after our son was born and died at 27 weeks and when I'd already had two second trimester miscarriages (we had one healthy toddler). "It's such a shame you can't perform". I have regarded her as an utter cow ever since.

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 22:28

Roses that is pure evil. I hope your husband gave her what for

Itsacakebaby · 08/01/2017 22:30

When DH told his mum (dear MIL!!) that I had been to the doctors and been diagnosed with Post Natal Depression she said to him "Oh I expect she's just having a bad day".

LlamaDrama · 09/01/2017 07:10

My mum had a bit of an issue with drink. She came home one night and was staggering and slurring again. She came into my room and asked me for a hug and I said I'd rather not while she was so drunk and thought she should probably just go to bed.

She hit me repeatedly until I was curled up in a ball on the floor.

I woke up the next morning with a black eye and when I saw her she asked me how I got it.

Groovee · 09/01/2017 07:15

Hugs Llama, I had a similar mother who would never remember her behaviour when drunk

NicknameUsed · 09/01/2017 07:28

Some nasty people out there. Why do they do these things?

I will never forgive the girl who bullied DD in year 10 at school. It was nasty, underhand psychological stuff that made DD feel isolated and friendless. This girl targeted DD's boyfriend and the useless oaf wouldn't stick up for DD, and got his best friend to dump her just before Christmas very publicly in the school dining room.

Ultimately the boy and the bully got their comeuppance, but the long term effects of low self esteem and anxiety haven't left DD and she is under CAMHS for her extreme anxiety.

LittleCandle · 09/01/2017 07:56

There have been a few people that I have found it difficult to forgive over the years, including my brother who sent me a type-written letter, 4 A4 pages long, telling me what a cow I am because my then husband bought me a computer when DB sold computers. I knew nothing about this computer, and had been ultra-supportive of him all my life and I have barely spoken to him in the 10 years since. When in brief contact a few years ago, I asked if he had received my note about my DF (not his) dying. He replied, 'Yeah, but it wasn't like I was going to say I was sorry to hear it'. He and DF didn't get along, they were both equally to blame, but DF did his best for DB. I was really hurt.

Just the other day, I commented on FB about an old school photo. When I saw one of the other comments, I saw red. My mother was the head and class teacher. One of the girls who had been in the school started her comment by saying 'I don't want to speak ill of the dead but she was a right old witch'. I am currently still trying to resist the urge to reply 'And you were always a stupid, sulky bitch' or words to that effect. Incredibly hurtful. We are not friends and never were, but she knows we are mutual friends with the person who posted the photo. I am resisting so far, but every time I think about it, I want to smack her into the middle of next week.

Thinkingblonde · 09/01/2017 08:02

My lovely sister lost all of her teeth at the age of 22, due to severe gum disease after the birth of her first child. She had beautiful teeth too. She had full dentures and at my nieces first birthday party someone complimented her on her lovely teeth, he was genuinely complimentary as he didn't know about her losing her natural teeth.
One of our sisters in law said "Oh, didn't you know? They are not her own."

StUmbrageinSkelt · 09/01/2017 08:23

I got pregnant in my early twenties and my sister asked me if I knew who the father was or was I just a slut? Lovely.

Our first son was stillborn and DH rang to tell his father the funeral details and dear FIL said oh why are you having a funeral? I thought they just put them in other people's coffins and cremated them that way.

He didn't come to the funeral. I never spoke to him again.

icanteven · 09/01/2017 09:29

I wasn't hurt so much as stunned by this. I used to have a long term illness (not HIV, but that general idea) for which, at the time, there was no cure. No biggie, it wasn't especially affecting my life, and I assumed that a cure would be found long before I became ill with it (it was and I'm well now). But it was still a thing, obviously. Not infectious in any practical way that would affect normal life/friendships etc.

I made friends with an American girl at uni during postgrad and we became very close quite quickly, and after knowing her about six months, I told her.

Imagine my surprise when she she listened kindly and sympathetically, and then responded with "Well, I think that's probably just too depressing for us to be friends any more.", got up, walked off and never even looked at me again. EVER. Utterly, utterly batshit.

Mistletoze · 09/01/2017 09:34

As a child, I accidentally spilled boiling hot coffee on my hand and screamed.

Instead of comforting me, my dad told me he wanted to "send me away". I have never idea why he reacted like that and it upset me for a very long time.

AddictedtoLovely · 09/01/2017 09:36

Lots of comments regarding DD getting into a super selective grammer from other parents whose child did not get in. Including, I didn't like the school anyway and my child just didn't perform on the day.Hmm

CheeseFiend36 · 09/01/2017 09:36

Not as bad as some of the awful experiences on here:

When I was at university I was friends with 3 girls. 2 of them were sisters and I felt like they were always trying to single me out and create a wedge between me and the other girl.

One night we went out and left the club. The other girl's boyfriend was with us (so group of 5). As we had a male escort we decided to walk home as it was difficult anyway to get a taxi. It was about a 4 mile walk.

After about a mile, everyone started complaining that their feet were hurting. The friend's boyfriend got a call from one of his friends who coincidentally was driving around the corner. The friend came in his car and offered to give a lift back to the campus, much to the relief of the 3 girls and the boyfriend, who all piled in leaving no space for me. They halfheartedly just said to me "try and get a taxi". They then drove off.

I was so upset I wanted to cry my eyes out but didn't want to make myself vulnerable. I tried to flag a few taxis down but with no luck, I ended up walking the 3 miles back to my campus all by myself at 3am in Birmingham City Centre. You can imagine the type of sorts hanging around and the type of attention a 19 year old girl in a skirt and heels was getting Sad.
When I got home I had a mixture of rage along with pure hurt that these people could put somebody in such a dangerous position. They didn't even ring or text me to see if I got back ok.

NicknameUsed · 09/01/2017 09:37

There should be a special place in hell for all these nasty, horrible people.

MerlinsBeard87 · 09/01/2017 14:43

This is not as bad as most of these but has always stayed with me. I was a bit awkward as a girl, thick glasses and overweight. I was walking along by a road with my much more beautiful friend when a car beeped its horn at us and shouted something probably obscene. I laughed awkwardly and said "what an idiot", and my friend turned to me and said "you do know they were beeping at me?" Of course I knew that, but she made me feel so ugly and I'll always remember that feeling

derxa · 09/01/2017 14:50

Merlin I know it's petty but I hope the ugliness of her personality shows on the outside now.

user1475253854 · 09/01/2017 15:17

IdrinkandIknowstuff that's so awful. I have social anxiety and hate being the centre of attention so I know how you must have felt - he was unbelievably cruel.

Suzytwoshoes · 09/01/2017 15:30

Some of these story's are horrendous!

Ziggy I want to give four year old you a hug and tell you it wasn't your fault at all!
Flowers

HarryPotter that is so unbelievably cruel, I hope that creep has painful anal warts!

CheeseFiend That is really bad! Anything could have happened to you! Glad it turned out ok for you though!

ShakeofFara · 09/01/2017 16:09

When I was 12 a boy in my class slapped me really hard on the face because I told him he'd taken too many books from a pile. The teacher was out of the room at the time and I didn't have the courage to report him.

Told my Mum when I got home as the handprint was still visible and she cornered him in the street. This made my life hell for the next few years as anytime someone spoke to me he'd tell them not to or I'd tell my Mum Hmm.

He's married now and has memes about abhorring domestic violence on his FB page. I will never forgive him for causing me the indignity of slapping me (which he bad enough) in front of our class.

flippinada · 09/01/2017 17:08

When I read threads like this, it makes me think of that stupid phrase 'sticks and stones'. Who cam up with that pile of unmitigated crap?

My worst one is something that happened to when I was a child. There was nothing silly about it, just pure malice and spite.

When I was young my Mum was suddenly taken very ill. She was a single parent so us children went to my Dad who was far too busy with his terribly important career to look after us so passed this on to the woman who became my stepmother. She managed to keep up a facade of kindness for a short amount of time but this quickly gave way to a tirade of horrendous verbal and emotional abuse.

One day I was trying to help her put a duvet on the bed which I didn't do very well , probably because I'd never been shown how. Shepushed her face into mine and hissed "No wonder your mother tried to kill herself, you're so useless". So that was how I found out...

This wasn't the only awful thing she said, not by a long way, but it's the one that's stuck with me the most.

eastegg · 09/01/2017 17:09

Some very hurtful comments about miscarriage and baby loss on here.

I won't forgive my SIL for not saying a single word of condolence to me after my second trimester loss. Despite seeing her a bare 4 weeks later and spending a lot of time with her on that day. Not a flicker of acknowledgment . Then she saw fit to make a slightly dismissive comment to my mum about it a few weeks after that. Still not a word to me 18 months later.

HappyFlappy · 09/01/2017 17:23

HarryPotter

It's the live fish that swims against the stream - don't let anyone make you what you don't want to be. If you like the clothes you wear - stay with them (if you don't you could go to a shop with a personal shopper to make suggestions based on your lifestyle, preferences and budget- John Lewis used to do it, and probably still do).

Having said that, I know how demoralising it is to feel that you are plain/ unattractive/ weird - I am blessed with a face like a blind cobbler's thumb myself, and my own grandmother refused to have anything to do with me or go out in public with me because she felt I was so ugly and "made a show of her".

Some people are just plain nasty. I am willing to bet that (at worst) you are average, and that in fact, you are probably above average, but because you have been constantly undermined you have no self-esteem.

Hippo - what a git! You are lucky to be rid of him. He is lucky you didn't castrate him! What did you do about the tattoo?