Are there some things silly, nasty things that happened where you just can't forgive the other person and/or they just really stick with you?

[SnipeBird]

My ex-bf from sometime back (we were together for 4 years) once did something which always comes back to me (whenever I see my eye in the mirror with a small scar above it!). We were volunteering supporting a youth pentathlon and my then bf was in charge of the shooting. I had never shot even an air rifle. He was a policeman and trained. He got me to demonstrate what they had to do, and instructed me to push my eye right up to the scope when I pulled the trigger. I obeyed and as he expected the gun (only an air rifle thing to be fair) had a kick back which knocked me right in the eye. He was pissing himself with laughter trying to tell the kids that was a great demonstration of what not to do, whilst the scope had cut part of my eye and I had put my hand to hide the blood and walked away pretending to laugh and burst into tears as soon as out of sight. I was left with a horrid black eye and all he could say was 'well that was bloody stupid wasn't it!' We split up shortly after! It happened over ten years ago but still to this day really sticks with me.

Orchidmoment
A cousin of my DH sent me a letter years ago informing me that she thought the way I dressed was indecent and unsuitable for a Christian

I'd be tempted to write to everyone you know, including her, vilifying her for wearing a frivolous shade of black!

My "nasty thing" is that the priest in the church where I am a Reader suggested that I go forward for ordination. He pushed and pushed me, and I became convinced that that was my calling. So I went to panel, and was turned down. I was upset, but I could cope with that. However . . . He had not sent me a copy of my reference, and although I had asked several times prior to the panel I wasn't given one. I got one after the panel and he had presented exaggerations, twisted half-truths taken out of context and, quite frankly, downright lies on my reference. (As an example: once, seven years ago, I criticised someone in an e-mail. Priest said that although I was always very friendly towards people, I was less than generous when discussing them in e-mails, implying that I frequently "slagged" people off or complained about them, which was not true.)

I showed my reference to some friends who are priests and every one of them said the same thing: 1) he wants to keep me as a Reader (as a curate I would go to another parish) because I am too useful to him; and 2) he has pushed me forward so that it looks as though he is supporting vocation within the parish - even against his better judgement. This gets him brownie points.

I haven't been able to work with him since, as I now don't trust him. There is still a lot of fall-out to cope with from this.

earlgrey Yes, I am religious, but I genuinely dress very conservatively, so that letter really was a surprise. I love a slightly eclectic bold flower somewhere, so maybe I am just too fabulous! (I really don't feel it at the moment, as I'm going through the first trimester exhaustion with baby #4, but it's a kind thought!)

mambo Trust me, there's a big (very unchristian!) part of me that wanted to do exactly that...

I did tell one or two of my friends, who were baffled and horrified.

It's awkward, as we see each other a lot at family gatherings, and she has kids the same ages as mine. She is unbearably gushy in some ways, and I feel like she has copied me several times in the past re: clothes and other things. I've really tried to put it to one side and not get petty about it.

unless I was meeting the Pople obviously

Mambon - the present Pope is pretty cool, I think! He would be fine with it. In fact, I don't think he'd bat an eyelid if you dressed like "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo".

Not quite on the same scale as some, but in my final year at uni, a friend's flatmate turned around to me in a bar entirely umprompted, grabbed my upper arm, and said 'fat arms'. I excused myself, went home and cried.

Fucking prick, he was.

orchid "I feel like she has copied me several times in the past" - bingo!!!!!!

zippy & spudlet just beyond !!!

I was 15 and had severe psoriasis on my scalp which had caused my hair to fall out and I had been hospitalised for a fortnight of intensive treatment. As you can imagine I was feeling pretty unlovely and vulnerable.
On the first night on the ward a woman leaned across to me at dinner in full view and earshot of everyone present and asked, "So what's your name?". "Pictish." I replied. "Oh!" she exclaimed, eyes wide, "When I think of the name Pictish, I picture someone really slim and pretty...nothing like you at all!"
My humiliation could not have been more complete. I know it caused a stir and people were appalled but I left very quickly to cry buckets in my side room. Never forgot it.

My SIL has never seen my son (I'm not even sure why, but it is deliberate, she's even met up with DH separately. Visits her other nephew (sister's child) every so often. He's coming up to his birthday now and I've not invited her. DH has actually got work that weekend, I am steeling myself for the answer of "didn't invite her, can i get you more cake?" From DH's family. Wish me luck!

I was brought up by a different family member as my mother didn't want me. I was talking to a cousin about my bedroom or my home, something like that, and they said it wasn't my home, I was just the lodger. I was very insecure as it was due to growing up with the knowledge that my mother didn't want me and that really stung.

A friend of mine has recently told me I am boring and a square when I'm sober and I'm so fun drunk that I should drink every day. I'm struggling to get past that at the moment. She has been a good friend.

Many people have described me as looking like a librarian, prim and proper, weird etc. These all stick and I wonder why people feel the need to judge me so much. People who say these things don't tend to last long in my life.

When I was in my first year at university a long way from my home town, never lived away from home before and very homesick and lonely, the other girls in the shared house I lived in decided they didn't like me, and sent me to Coventry for weeks. The whole lot of them. I've never felt so lonely and friendless in my life, before or since.

Oh and the prick at school who bullied me for 3 years in my teens, I had very low self esteem and was suicidal at one point (which he knew). In front of loads of people, as usual, he came over with a big grin and said "I had a dream where you killed yourself last nignt, why don't you make it come true." He was an utter cunt to me. Even all his friends would tell him to lay off me but he rarely did. He would also frequently tell me how ugly I was, something I've always struggled with.

My stepmother didn't phone me to tell me my dad had been admitted to hospital.

I'd phoned Dad in the middle of Christmas shopping with a friend (it was a week before Christmas in the mid 90s) to ask what he wanted for Christmas. My stepbrother answered the phone and was a bit shocked that I hadn't been told that Dad was in hospital. I said not to worry, I'll phone the hospital. I got through to the switchboard, gave his name and was told I was being transferred to the ICU unit. I tried to tell the lady on the switchboard he wouldn't be there but she'd already connected me. An ICU nurse answered the phone and I apologised and said switchboard have put me though to you by accident. She asked who I was ringing about so I gave her his name and she said he's here, on our ward. My world stopped for several minutes as she told me Dad was on life support, all his organs were shutting down and that he was not going to recover.

As it happens, against doctors orders, she (SM) kept him on life support for another month despite knowing that he was only being kept alive because of a machine, and then decided to remove the ventilator mid January, arranging his funeral for the day before my 18th birthday.

I have never, nor will I ever, forgive my stepmother for that.

ZippyNeedsFeeding OMG I am absolutely horrified at that. You poor thing. That was not normal or okay.

An ex friend tried to give away our cat. Although it didn't work (surprisingly a grumpy old rescue cat isn't in hot demand, although adored by us), i thought it was particularly cruel to try and give away any childs pet. It was the final straw of their jealousy and misplaced anger and although shocking and sad i'm glad i saw their true colours.

I met a friend a few weeks after my miscarriage (I had a month off work in total, bled for ten days then got referred for D&C, had another week off after that as almost constantly crying) he said "This is why I would never hire a woman of child-bearing age." We are no longer friends.
I am still angry at myself for not mentioning his months off sick after a squash injury although I did manage to point out that his attitude was discriminatory. Sports injuries are clearly acceptable reasons for being off work. Grrr.

My sister in law completely disregarded my miscarriages, having a massive go at my husband as to why we hadn't gone to a family event a few days later. She actually used the phrase 'It wasn't a real baby anyway'. Can't forgive her. Don't feel like I should have to either. She behaved like a vile cunt.

Slightly more lighthearted, but I was once very ill with flu. My husband held the tissue to my nose, told me to blow, then pulled it away and laughed as my face was covered in snot

I have not forgiven him. I spend every waking moment plotting vegence...

Wayfarersonbaby thank you. You have no idea how much it helps to hear that.

harrypotter

"You may forget the things someone said or the things someone did but you never forget the way someone made you feel" - Maya Angelou

And also "be thankful for the difficult people you meet in your life - they will show you exactly who you don't want to be" - I think that was Charlie Chaplin said that!
So true..

undivided she's a cow! I hope you got to say goodbye to him

Not long after our mother died (fairly young and suddenly), I asked my youngest brother for help looking after my dad and older disabled brother. He told me that I must love it that our mum had died as it meant I got be a martyr, looking after them, and bossing him about.

He has never said sorry as he meant every word. I will never forgive him.

My aunt is an alcoholic. I've not spoken to her in 10 years and don't plan on doing so ever again. When DS1 was 3 years old, we were passing her in the street, she was very drunk and I tried to avoid her as I knew what she was like. I had DS2 in a pram as he was 1 year old and DS1 was holding the pram. As she passed she grabbed DS1 by his coat, pulled him aggressively towards her and in pro his face shouted that he was a fucking ginger cunt.

I will never forgive her, regardless of how drunk she was.

What an arse. My 'friend' once showed me how to use an air riffle and told me to hold it the wrong way when firing. I could have bloody dislocated my should (I imagine!) luckily I was OK.

It seems a very odd thing to do.

I don't blame you for still being angry but make peace with the past if you can OP. Just so you feel OK.

Nicketynac, I went to the hospital that night (it was 120 miles away from where I was living) and said goodbye but he didn't know I was there 😢 He was only in his mid 50s.

shoulder

banana My husband said something about it not being a real baby, even though it felt like one to us. He was trying to be nice believe it or not, he said that he had to think of the baby as "cells" as it was the only way he could process the loss. He is a very practical person (probably a touch of ASD) and years later I can understand what he was trying to say.
Don't think your SIL was being kind though, and I hope DH would never say such a thing to anyone ever again.

Thanks Earl. They are very apt and excellent quotes.