POA 're health/welfare

[DeeNR]

Poor MIL has had Alzheimer's for about 14 years and is in the later stages. She is very difficult to deal with, doubly incontinent, often refuses food and drink for longer than you'd think survival possible. She's forever being pumped full of antibiotics to keep her going. I don't think she would have wanted this and I want to give my kids/healthcare providers power to decline the same for me if I ever get diagnosed with dementia. It would save the NHS a lot if there was a simple, free way to register your wishes, perhaps with your GP or the DWP and it were the norm to register your wishes. I'm not talking euthanasia here. I just think there must be an awful lot of families in our position with their loved one receiving treatment you doubt they would have wanted but because you're not sure, someone who might well believe it would be kinder to let them stay asleep rather than wake them up to ambulance them to hospital for drip and antibiotics has to treat them that way anyway. AIBU to think it should be the norm to register your wishes?

Yes absolutely! It's pretty much my exact nightmare - to be without dignity, a burden, and just stuck alive but not living.
I am so sorry to hear about your mil both for her and for the pain and stress it must cause you and your loved ones.
I think some sort of register should exist because by the time it's too late to make your own decision it becomes agonising for people who love you to have to make difficult choices.

My parents have been through watching my gran suffer dementia and decided to set up a Power of Attorney that can be invoked should we need to make decisions about their care. Very sensible of them and it will be used to do our very best for them.

I Am so grateful I finally got family to complete PoAs, however if you are really against it you should write an End of Life Plan.

When my Stepfather was admitted to hospital, the hospital wanted tomove him to intensive care. I told the doctors about him losing my mum a few months earlier and that he only wanted to die to be with her. They were fantastic and he died a week later without intervention.

Thank you for your replies. I will definitely look at end of life plans as I didn't know there was an alternative to POAs. Nothing against POAs but they're so expensive it wouldn't mean that most people had their wishes recorded as the norm. I know we don't all feel the same. DH would want to be treated very differently from me and our kids would never know because it just never comes up.

www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/power-of-attorney

Having seen the very lengthy and distressing process my dad had to go through to become appointed deputy for my DGM, for both financial and medical matters, when she had passed the point of being able to grant POA, I really would encourage anyone to set one up if at all possible.

The LPA is. £100 a person. You absolutely do not need a solicitor. You fill in the form online but then print it off to sign and send in for registering. The online help as you fill it in is excellent and sections you do t need are automatically scored through. All you need is some interruption free time and concentration.

Apologies - it's gone up recently to £110

I was not suggesting end of life plan was an alternative to PoA . Just that if you really don't want the PoA, then the End of life plan is better than nothing.

From the MSE link I put up earlier:

£69.50 Which? Power of Attorney codes

Which Legal Services logoA new halfway house between the DIY route and paying £100s for a solicitor is Which? legal services*, where you fill in a questionnaire, the LPA is populated for you, and then crucially it's checked by a qualified paralegal.

The standard cost for the financial LPA is £139, but we've blagged the following codes to get this and other options half price until 31 January 2017.

You can make an advance decision to refuse treatment for when the time comes and you lack capacity

{{http://www.nhs.uk/Planners/end-of-life-care/Pages/advance-decision-to-refuse-treatment.aspx living will}}

living will

Whether you use Which or a soicitor, you will still have to get all the various signatures sorted out yourself - witnesses, certificate providers, attorneys etc. Also the Health and Welfare LPA covers much more than just end of life care - that's worth factoring into your decision making. My dh and I found the process of filling it in, discussing our wishes with each other and the other attorney( our dd) very helpful if a bit disconcerting at first

Don't know why we never googled this. We just assumed it had to go through a solicitor. Thank you for the links and stuff. It will save us hundreds of pounds.

Thanks for the links. There is no way I want to live like your MIL. There is no quality of life or dignity.

Alternative to Lasting Power of Attorney is making an Advance Decision - allows you to say what medical treatment you'd want to refuse in certain situations. Compassion in Dying lets you make one for free at mydecisions.org.uk
You can also do an Advance Statement - not legally binding but must be considered, you can stay stuff about where you'd like to be cared for, your religious beliefs, anything important to you really.
Done both of them myself and CiD were very helpful, their help line is 0800 999 2434.

Hope that helps :)

This is useful - trustworthy source

www.myerson.co.uk/what-is-the-difference-between-a-living-willadvance-decision-and-a-lasting-power-of-attorney-for-health-and-welfare/