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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Online dating profile(not mine) question

25 replies

HeidiSpeidi · 30/12/2016 21:44

Genuinely not sure whether IABU, so asking for quick opinions.

Regular with name change

Ex has profile on POF, with 3 or 4 pics, one of which is one of him wth ds. I've not seen the pic, a friend of a friend recognized ds and spoke to a good friend of mine who told me.

How would you feel about the pic of ds?

To add- I have no problem at all with the POF profile itself, no jealousy etc purely just a question about ds' picture being on there

OP posts:

ditzychick34 · 30/12/2016 21:48

Not quite the same thing but I don't allow my DD picture to be posted online anywhere, I ask playgroup leaders I see taking photographs to not post her pictures

SparkleShinyGlitter · 30/12/2016 21:52

I have to say I find it weird putting a photo of your child on a dating site, but then I've never used old so maybe it's normal and I'm weird?

I wouldn't like it, but then I don't post any photos off DD on the internet

Do you and him get on ok? If so could you say that a friend was at yours looking at profiles and his popped up, you recognised ds and could he take he take that photo off?

OntheAir · 30/12/2016 21:54

It's really not ok for him to do this so id be having a word.

I'm on PoF myself and blank out the faces of anyone (all adults) in photos with me. It's a 20 sec job which he needs to do.

MummyToThree479 · 30/12/2016 21:57

I am currently on line dating myself and I find it puts me off when I see photos with children in them, no idea why it just does. Maybe it's cos I'd never but my dc on there

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, I'd just say you had friends over and they was checking the site for messages/ new matches and you was looking at profiles To match your friend and you recognised your ds. Would he remove the photo?
Normally I'd say his the parent as well so has 50% say where the photos go but dating sites and dc photo make me feel weird

DJBaggySmalls · 30/12/2016 21:57

Just complain to the site. I cant imagine that he impresses anyone but the most naive.

OntheAir · 30/12/2016 21:58

On a slightly related note I'd never date someone who thought it was ok to have pics of their kids up, so you'll be doing him a favour pointing it out!

KnittedBlanketHoles · 30/12/2016 21:59

I wouldn't like my child on there.

Patriciathestripper1 · 30/12/2016 21:59

Ask him to take it down or crop picture so you can't see Ds.
Not a good idea to look for new partners with kids in picture for obvious reasons and could attract the wrong attention.

harderandharder2breathe · 30/12/2016 22:03

If ex is DSs dad then surely he also had a right to decide whether or not he can post pictures of him online

If ex is not the dad then he absolutely shouldn't

I think some people put photos with their kids in so potential matches know what they're getting into

Original poster

HeidiSpeidi · 30/12/2016 22:04

He's not a nice chap he's a twat so any words I have will cause WW3. I also don't want him thinking that it's the profile itself I'm bothered about.

I'm fully prepared to mention it but want to check first that I'm not over reacting or over thinking it, after all he doesn't have to take it down does he?

I do share pics of ds on facebook, as does he but this doesn't sit right with me and I can only asume it's because it's a dating site. It's just not something I would do. I've not used OLD at all and although my first reaction was to brush it off I'm definitely a bit miffed by it.

To be fair this is a tiny tiny piece of a very large and complex puzzle that is my relationship with ex and without going into detail it massively goes against a hell of a lot of what he tries to dictate to me about.

OP posts:

Original poster

HeidiSpeidi · 30/12/2016 22:07

Thank you for all of your opinions btw, much appreciated

OP posts:

Scrumptiousbears · 30/12/2016 22:13

OP what are you actually worried about or what doesn't sit right with you?

Original poster

HeidiSpeidi · 30/12/2016 22:25

scrumptious I'm honestly not sure! The friend whole told me told me because she thought using the pic of ds was weird, my first reaction was to brush it off and ignore. Didn't think too much of it initially.

Maybe I'm overthinking my friends opinion that it's not on? I'm honestly not sure, hence me asking for unbiased opinions here.

OP posts:

Marmalade85 · 30/12/2016 22:25

I think it's common now there's such a high rate of divorce and increase in online dating. As long as your son isn't nude I don't really see the issue.

UterusUterusGhali · 30/12/2016 22:27

I find it uncomfortable, and also wouldn't date someone with pictures of their kids on a site.

Could you find him, report the photo and block him?
Or ask a friend to have a word?

Scrumptiousbears · 30/12/2016 22:37

Whilst not ideal it's also his child. How would you feel if he told you that you couldn't put your pics of your child on FB. Whilst maybe odd I don't think it's a massive issue in the safety and security of your kids.

TheNaze73 · 30/12/2016 22:43

I don't see the difference between the dating site & FB. If he's in the wrong then you must be as well.

Original poster

HeidiSpeidi · 30/12/2016 23:04

I totally appreciate it's his child too and his choice, and I've decided not to bring it up.

Whilst it's not something I would do(and boy would he kick off if I did) I appreciate it's up to him

OP posts:

Newbrummie · 30/12/2016 23:07

Men do it a lot, makes them seem all fluffy and family orientated apparently

Tartle · 30/12/2016 23:53

I wouldn't date someone with pictures of their kids up because I wouldn't particularly want to date someone with children. I filter based on that and I assume that is why people post them.

I hadn't particularly thought about the privacy issue though. A lot of people post pics with nieces/nephews as well and I bet their siblings are unaware.

GloriousRoob · 30/12/2016 23:55

It is not uncommon. I think they think it makes them look look like a normal decent caring guy

GloriousRoob · 30/12/2016 23:57

And maybe they are... but id never put a for
to of my kids on pof!

Changednamesorry · 31/12/2016 01:48

I wouldn't date someone who put pictures of their children on their OLD profile because it suggests to me that they have poor judgement. It is really not appropriate.

DailyFail1 · 31/12/2016 02:53

There are probably more privacy restrictions on the dating site than FB/other social media sites YABU if you're objecting to this while posting photos of your son on social media.

Ncbecauseitshard · 31/12/2016 03:20

It's single women who will be looking at the pictures. I think it's odd but I can't see how it's worse than Facebook

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