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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas gift spend mismatch

13 replies

TheSconeOfStone · 30/12/2016 18:14

AIBU to wish that people would have consistency from year to year on their gift budget? Just received presents for my DC of about £25-£30 when last year the value was about £5.00. I gave a token present of about £6 to their DC and now feel like a dick. Also a gift was given to me when previously we had decided to do presents for DC only.

One of my DC has ASD and was too embarrassed to open the present in front of the giver which also made things awkward.

Not sure whether to send a message apologising for my mean present. Next year I will sugggest birthdays only from now on.

OP posts:
limon · 30/12/2016 18:37

Surely the monetary value of the gift us completely irrelevant?

Original poster
TheSconeOfStone · 30/12/2016 18:40

It is embarrassing though. My kids got expensive toys and their kids got something small. I worry about doing the wrong thing and making a fool of myself (a touch of the ASD my DD has I expect). I feel caught out somehow. I wish I was the sort of person who didn't worry about this sort of thing.

OP posts:
SnugglySnerd · 30/12/2016 18:41

I know what you mean. My extended family usually buy cheap token/joke gifts so last year I gave my cousin Xmas socks and he had bought me a posh toiletries set that cost about £20. This year I got him a posh chocolate gift set for £20 and he hasn't got me anything. It was embarrassing for both of us both years.

dollydaydream114 · 30/12/2016 18:47

Perhaps people just get what they can afford in that particular year. I know my spend on my nieces and nephews has varied a bit over the years depending on how well off (or not) I've been at the time (although as I get nothing back from them or their parents, it doesn't really matter).

Maybe you could suggest you stop doing Christmas gifts, as everyone has enough presents to buy already, or agree to keep it to small gifts next time?

cheekyfunkymonkey · 30/12/2016 18:53

Yes you are being unreasonable, ££ isn't what it's about and the gift givers in this scenario probably quite rightly just base gift value on what they can afford any given year. If you worry about whether the recipient will like the gift and keep within your own budget based on what you can afford not keeping up with the Jones's then you can't go wrong.

dingdongthewitchishere · 30/12/2016 18:54

YABU

I buy gifts for my family because I think they will like them, not to match any amount spent on us. If I can afford to spend £50 per person, I happily do it. If it's the winter my boiler packs up and we have a leak in the roof, then I spend a lot less.

If it bothers you that much, tell them as early as September that you want a limit on the amount spent.

Original poster
TheSconeOfStone · 30/12/2016 18:55

We had agreed to do token presents for kids only, and it wasn't even my suggestion. Totally happy with that plan. I will suggest in October no presents as I find her kids who are older than mine impossible to buy for. I'all stick to cash or gift cards for birthdays.

OP posts:
Eevee77 · 30/12/2016 19:17

I wouldn't over think it. My income varies a lot so I buy what I can afford that year. Sometimes my mum gets a box of malteasers off me, other years it's more like £20-30 I spend. Same between me and OH.
Just give what your comfortable giving and be grateful for what (if) you receive.

Original poster
TheSconeOfStone · 30/12/2016 19:22

Thank you all for telling me I'm being unreasonable. I worry about appearing rude. Money isn't an issue for the person buying the gifts so maybe she just had more time this year. Whatever, gifts accepted with good grace and I will think no more of it

OP posts:
cookiefiend · 30/12/2016 19:27

It can be embarrassing so YANBU to feel that way, but do try not to worry. Remember too if yor kids are younger people are often more generous as it can be fun to buy toys etc when you have no one else to buy them for.

GetTheeBehindMeSanta · 30/12/2016 19:31

It all balances out over the years, and you're talking about a few pounds difference, not hundreds. It's more embarrassing to have a conversation about it after the event. Just carry on buying what you think they'd like.

allegretto · 30/12/2016 19:33

YANBU - last year I spent about £30 on SIL and she spent about £10 on me (no problem). This year I spent £30 again and she spent £80! It was so lovely of her but I do feel a bit embarrassed.

SparkleShinyGlitter · 30/12/2016 19:37

When I get a present and this year we had DD ( first Christmas) and when we were given different presents for her never have we thought how much it costed.

Anybody that gets a gift and just thinks " oh well it only cost x" is probably not a very nice person tbh

I understand you are embrassed, but honestly there is no need to feel that way

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